There’s a model of a stage and we hear Danny talking from behind it. He’s reading his lines for the upcoming play “Dracula,” which if you remember took some effort to get approved after the Rick Incident. J.T. and Liberty are watching Danny go through the lines while other cast members wait their turn. It’s a rehearsal of some sort. Sitting backstage is Jay, my favorite bad boy. (And Mike Lobel, who plays him, has now made the Lifetime movie crossover so many Degrassi stars do.) Jay jumps up suddenly and walks up behind Emma.

She’s mouthing lines from the play as Jay puts his hand on her shoulder. She jumps a little and he tells her she’s tense and starts to rub her shoulders. Emma tells Jay she’s always tense. Jay decides this is the perfect time to put his mack daddy moves into play, telling Emma, “If you don’t relax…” while running his fingers somewhat seductively all the way down her arm. The orgasmic look on his face says he’s really into this little massage. But wait. Do I see what I think I see? Emma is a little hot and bothered by this, too, and misses her cue to come on stage.

J.T. has to yell the cue, “Three beauties? Three beauties? Emma?” She walks on the stage to join the two other beauties, which includes Jay’s girlfriend, Alex. The boy is ballsy for putting the moves on another girl about 15 feet from his lady, who is known for her mean right hook. Emma apologizes and reads her line, “We are ravenous.” Alex continues, “We hunger. We long. Tonight we feast.” Emma looks back at Jay during the last part of Alex’s line. Wow, he really did get prim and proper Emma all shook up.

With that, let’s cue the theme song. I still don’t care for it, but it’s here to stay according to Degrassi producers who have said that nothing will change in the opening next season except for the featured characters. So love it or hate it, the music isn’t changing.

Emma is walking out of class when she is interrupted by a teacher. He asks if she’d like to see a graph of her participation grade. He holds his hand up high and drops it down low. Her face reads like she isn’t even there and he explains, “I know you went through a lot after the shooting, but the grace period is coming to an end, okay?” She gives him a “go to hell and die” look before walking off. Emma doesn’t care about her grades now? To quote Keanu Reeves or even Blossom‘s Joey Lawrence, “Whoa.” Emma walks the hall in a daze until she sees Jay and Alex having a little hugging action in the hallway. Jay tells her, “Why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer?” His comebacks are straight from 5th grade, but Alex kicks it up a notch and tells Emma that she can sell said photo online for big porno bucks. Emma eyes the two up and down then walks off, with Jay watching her behind Alex’s shoulder.

Ellie is sitting outside with Ashley at a lunch table, reading a magazine. She’s trying to show Ashley something, but Ash is off in her own world. Maybe they drugged the water at Degrassi after the shooting, because it seems like a lot of people are off in their own worlds. Ellie shakes the magazine in front of Ashley, which seems to snap her out of it. “I have to parade anorexic fashion victims to get your attention?” Ashley explains she is worrying about Craig, as usual. “It’s so not your job to worry,” Ellie says, “trust another sicko here.” Craig picks that moment to walk up and asks who the sicko is. Ellie covers well, saying it’s her after seeing the food on his tray. Craig explains it’s goulash, which I happen to adore. Ellie leaves the table.

Once Ellie is out of earshot, Ashley asks Craig how shrink time was. Wow, that’s a sensitive way to refer to therapy. Craig immediately asks what Ellie and Ashley were talking about before he walked up. Ashley reassures Craig she hasn’t told Ellie about Craig’s little problem, but I have a hard time believing that. Craig lightens up, saying he figures any food with the word “goo” in it has to be good. Ashley then asks, “Have you ever thought about going to a support group?” Craig asks, “For goulash lovers?” Ash explains there’s a mental health group for teens that night at the rec center. There goes the mood of the table again. “Have you not noticed my desperate urge to talk about something else?” Craig asks her. Ash explains it’s just one night and if he hates it, he never has to go again. Craig predicts that he’ll hate it, but Ashley pushes on, urging him to go. He gives her a look like, “Do I have a choice?” I don’t think he should be putting up such a fight after wrecking a hotel room, hitting his dad, and ruining Ashley’s Big Gay Dad’s marriage ceremony. She smiles at Craig, telling him that it’s good. It looks like Craig is going to the teen mental support group tonight!

Back in the auditorium, the play is in partial dress rehearsal for new principal, Ms. Hatzilakos, and the feisty Ms. Kwan. J.T. and Liberty are there, of course, and J.T. cues Act 1 Scene 5. Manny and Darcy walk up on stage to go through the scene. Darcy can’t seem to remember her lines. Emma is off to the side to help, yet she still messes it up. J.T. turns to Liberty and says it’s time to talk about their lead actress. She’s messing up the lines, adlibbing, and it’s only three days until the play opens. “Have patience, my hot-headed paramour,” she says. J.T. argues back, “But she’s paraphrasing your words.” Their discussions are sugar sweet and mixed with lots of big words to show how smart they are.

The lovebirds are interrupted by Darcy, blowing a gasket at Emma for helping her out. She tells Emma that prompting supposed to be Liberty’s job. This moment catches Jay’s attention, who is working nearby on the scenery. Ms. Kwan calls for a break yet J.T. boasts to everyone that he’s directing and playing Van Helsing, and he knows all of his lines. Darcy tells him that he should stop changing the blocking every five minutes. Oh, wrong move, sweetie. “I know, how about I change the casting instead?” J.T. says. Darcy is shocked, and asks if she is being fired. J.T. tells her that he can’t if she resigns first, knowing that will have the exact effect he wanted. Darcy then says the cheesiest line of the show, “Fine. Then I curse you, Macbeth,” as she storms off the stage.

Manny turns to her costars backstage and tells them to drive a stake through the play’s heart; they have to cancel it. Amy says they could let her play Mina, the beautiful virgin, but Alex is quick to mention that Amy in that role would be acting. Emma puts on Mina’s hat and recites lines from the play. Manny tells her, “Em, you could do it, just go ask.” Emma reminds them she bombed the audition and just because Darcy quit doesn’t mean they will have changed their minds about her. Then Amy freaks out – her bracelets are gone. Alex tells her, “Those wire things? They are worth a nickel,” while filing her nails. It’s a big deal to Amy, though, who is rummaging around for them everywhere.

Manny tells Emma she should come over tonight, as she and Liberty are giving each other manicures and pedicures; they would do her, too. Emma is quick to return to dazed mode, saying they’d have more fun without her hands and feet tagging along. Emma walks off to leave and grabs her jacket, finding Amy’s bracelets underneath it. She turns to hand them to Amy, who snatches them from Emma’s hands. Manny looks concerned as she watches Emma walk out of the room.

You know it’s a good group meeting when the first thing you see is a girl crying. Behind her are “Rules for Group Members” written on a dry-erase board. A different girl is discussing how she felt people in her ballet class were wondering what she was eating because she was losing so much weight. Another group member named Nigel says, “So you reveal yourself as an anorexic depressive instead?” The camera is panning the room so we get to see everyone’s reaction. The leader of the group says that Nancy, the anorexic depressive ballet dancer, had a positive experience by telling people.

Craig jumps in, saying he agrees with Nigel and he wouldn’t tell anyone unless he had to. Now Craig is in the hot seat, and the leader asks why he feels like that. Craig is nervous as he begins to explain, “Once people think you’re crazy, I think they just think about that. They stop treating you like you.” The door opens and Ellie walks in, apologizing for being late. She spots Craig, and the two share a look. The leader explains they are talking about stigmatization and asks Craig to continue. Craig, who is not happy Ellie is there, tells the group leader that’s all he had to say. Ellie looks like she feels bad for interrupting, yet Craig looks like he’s going to be physically ill.

Jay is driving around in his car, music blaring, when he pulls in front of Emma walking home from rehearsal. “You know, my ride’s got 16 independent speakers,” he says, as if girls should be dropping their panties, just at the suggestion. Jay looks at the empty seat next to him and tells her, “Some of us got places to be.” Obviously this works for Emma, who hops in the front seat of his car. She thanks him for the ride and begins to explain where she lives. He reminds her he knows where she lives, as he dropped her off after, “Sean ran home to Mummy.” He admits it sucks without Sean there and Emma says she misses Sean, too. Jay pretends like missing Sean has nothing to do with how much it sucks for him not to be there. He’s really working on his game here, giving Emma very interested looks. “Don’t go getting all mushy on me, Greenpeace,” he says, pursing his lips in an odd way.

This route to hooking up may not work for most, but at this point Emma is digging it. As they pull up in front of her house, the song on the radio says, “You are so innocent.” Foreshadowing! Emma thanks him for the ride and is flirting with him, her body language saying a lot. Jay asks Emma if she is going to the ravine later. She says she is and he tells her a bunch of them hang out there. That’s as much of a personal invite as she’s going to get.

Emma walks in on a conversation about her between Snake and Spike. Spike is worried about her, but Snake thinks she will be okay. Spike tells Snake, “She’s stopped bringing friends over; no dates. I feel like she just didn’t get over the shooting.” Snake says that most of the kids at school have gotten over it, but not all of them saw a person die. Spike starts to reply, but she’s cut off as Emma makes her presence known. Snake tries to play off their conversation by being funny, “It’s the Emma Nelson show, starring Emma Nelson!”

Emma peps up a bit, to act as if she didn’t hear their conversation, and says she can’t wait for them to see the play. Snake tells Emma they held dinner for her, but she claims to have had pizza after rehearsal so she’s stuffed. I didn’t see her eating any pizza after rehearsal, so I’m guessing she isn’t down for the casserole that Snake and Spike made for dinner. Spike asks Emma if she’s okay. Emma explains she has a ton of work to do on her lines so she’s going to her room. She tells her parents goodnight and heads downstairs while they look on somewhat helplessly at her. She falls on her bed and starts to cry. The phone rings and the caller ID says it’s M. Santos at 416-555-0179, which is easily read with a pause on TIVO. (And fake, so don’t call it.) She doesn’t answer the phone, but gets a weird look on her face, grabs her jacket, and goes out through the basement window.

It’s dark now, really dark, and she’s at a park where there are a lot of kids hanging out. She walks up to Jay and asks if the seat on top of the park table next to him is taken. He moves some cans of what looks like beer to the side and tells her it is now. She sits down and asks if he’s surprised to see her. He shakes his head no. She asks Jay if he thinks she’s weird, and he answers with the best response he can considering he’s trying to hook up – “Now there’s a loaded question.”

Emma says that everyone has been acting like she belongs in a straightjacket. “That’s their problem,” Jay says, “you’re no weirder than the rest of us.” A van door opens loudly and out comes Amy with some no-name messy-haired boy. She’s fixing her hair and he has his arm around her. Emma asks Jay what’s in the van. He asks her what she thinks is in the van, while smiling at her. She smiles back saying, “Beer. More beer. Smelly shag carpeting from the 70′s.” He laughs and looks her over before asking, “You wanna see?” Emma stares and stares at the van before giving Jay an affirmative glance.

He gets off the table and she follows him. She gets in the van before he does, which is cheesier than she described. If I were 15, though, I might find it kind of cool. It’s filled with candles, a curtain, red shag carpeting, and a 70′s green carpet-covered seat. Emma looks around before declaring it “fully anti-climatic.” Jay slams the van door behind him as he climbs in. She turns around when the door slams and Jay moves closer. Emma says, randomly, “Come out, come out, wherever you are,” though I’m not sure who she’s talking to. Jay puts his arms around her and says, “Hey.” She jumps a bit, and when she turns around, he kisses her. She pulls back and he confesses that the van is for hooking up. Emma looks a little shocked, but come on girl, it’s a van in the middle of a park with candles in it. Jay then asks the question of the night, “You know what blowjobs are, don’t you?” Emma goes to leave and he ties a bracelet around her arm while explaining, “Every player gets a prize.” She opens the van door and takes off running, with the bracelet still on.

It’s time for school and Emma is admiring the bracelet on her wrist while sitting in class. J.T. walks in backwards while talking to Liberty in the most annoying sugary baby talk ever. He’s begging for forgiveness. Liberty asks, “Do I honestly strike you as a baby talk kind of person? You fired Darcy and now we have zip, zero, zilch.” Liberty is backing J.T. into a corner and Emma comes to his rescue. She jumps up from her desk and says, “Let me be as your lighthouse, a canary for your coalmine. Let Dracula come to my breast and I will allow him sustenance.” Too bad Jay wasn’t as lucky as Dracula could apparently be.

J.T. is impressed and asked how she knew all that. Emma reminds J.T. that she auditioned for Mina. Liberty interrupts this, “We need reliable, rock solid.” You can tell Liberty still has some hostility for Emma. Emma tells them both that she does rock solid pretty well. Liberty is quick to point out her flaws. “Day before yesterday, you missed your cue. Last night you didn’t even show up to Manny’s. Everyone knows you’re off or whatever.” Emma is persistent, though, telling Liberty she’s not off. She turns to J.T. and says, “I’m your Mina. I know the blocking.” J.T. asks her if she’s ever worn a corset. Liberty is not happy with this decision.

Ashley opens the double doors and walks into the infamous halls of Degrassi. She walks up to Craig and tells him that her dad and Chris got back from Puerto Vallarta last night. She informs him it’s apparently “gay honeymoon paradise.” Craig is obviously not happy and he won’t even look at Ashley. She tells him they asked about him, to which Craig says, “Crazy Craig? So what did you tell them? Oh! I bet everything!” Ashley chalks this up to medication by saying, “It’s a good thing I know mood swings are common when you first start meds.” Craig has had it; he turns around and accuses her of sending him to Ellie’s group. Ashley is apparently the most oblivious girl ever born, as she tells him how much Ellie loves it and she didn’t think he’d mind. He tells her, “Well, then you didn’t think at all.” Craig walks off and Ashley stands there staring after him.

J.T. and Emma walk onto the stage, which now has the full scenery up, and J.T. asks everyone to put their fangs together for her. It’s time for the cast to get into Act 2 Scene 7. Jay walks by Emma with some pieces for the scenery and gives her an interested glance. J.T. asks the actors to start and the actor playing Dracula closes in on the new Mina, Emma. The scene requires a kiss and as Dracula moves in, Emma starts to laugh. J.T. explains, “The script says kiss him, so kiss him.” Emma apologizes and explains it’s weird doing it in front of everybody. Nate, who is Dracula and somewhat new, is irritated with this all. Amy and Alex laugh as Jay looks on. Emma promises to get it by tomorrow and J.T. tells her not to let him down. J.T. tells everyone it’s time for the set change for scene 1. Emma walks off the stage as Jay walks by her. She turns to look at him as he works on the scene change.

Alex and Amy are talking backstage. Alex tells Amy, “Give you one minute with Nate, and you’d do better than that.” Amy is quick to say, “I’d eat him all up.” Ah, we now know why the girl has so many bracelets. Emma walks in and Amy says, “For the sake of guys everywhere, I hope she becomes a nun. One of them big ones that sing all the time.” Alex continues with the torturing of Emma by saying, “Aw, Amy, that’s mean. The poor girl suffers from penis-o-phobia. Her mom can’t even buy bananas.” Amy continues, “One time, they gave her a hotdog and she threw up for a week.” Alex drives it home, though, “Simpson has to keep his jockey shorts locked in a shed out back or she won’t go in the house.” Alex is face to face with Emma at this point. Emma walks off and reaches in front of Amy to grab something, using the arm with her new bracelet. Amy asks if the bracelet is one of hers, as she has quite a few. Emma tells her, “No, it’s mine,” and walks off. Alex asks what that was about and Amy shrugs her off while looking very confused as to how Emma earned her bracelet.

Emma runs to catch up with Jay after school. She stops him to say, “Hey, did you know I’ve only been in a car with 16 speakers twice.” She tells him how Amy was being mean to her about the scene and how she showed her the bracelet which shut her up. Emma is happy, explaining to Jay that the bracelet is like “Amy-kryptonite.” Jay turns on her and yanks his arm away. “This isn’t some brownie badge competition,” he says. “Maybe you’re the one who needs to shut up. You didn’t earn anything; Amy did.” Emma looks at the bracelet then looks at Jay, before asking, “Did she earn one from you?” Jay tells her, “There are a lot of girls down at ravine Emma. I picked you.” He walks off. She touches the bracelet thoughtfully.

Ellie’s at Craig’s house, Ellie holding a guitar case. When he opens the door she asks if he knows how to string a guitar. Craig walks off after letting her in, telling her to have Ash do it; she’s good at forcing things. Ellie replies, “Like forcing me to come here with this paper-thin guitar excuse?” Craig won’t even look at Ellie. Ellie tells him that she used to cut herself, which he knew. “What’s bizarre is that I’m always going to be a cutter,” she explains. “Even if I don’t it for years, it’s still me.”

Craig can’t bring himself to look at her, but tells her it sucks. Ellie just keeps on going. “It just is. It doesn’t matter how I feel, or anyone else feels.” Craig turns around to face her finally and says, “I’m bipolar and apparently it doesn’t matter if I think that sucks either.” Ellie tries to get to him through rock n roll, and tells him that they thought Kurt Cobain was bi-polar. If only he had accepted it! She tells him that Nigel from group is okay, asks him to come back, and tells him to call Ash. He asks her why, because he bit her head off in the middle of school. “Maybe because of that,” she says. Craig explains that all she talks about lately is medication, his shrink and his moods. Ellie tells him, “She cares about you. A lot.” Craig looks on the edge of tears as he says, “I know.”

Back at the ravine, there’s a fire going with people hanging around. Jay is sitting on the same table he was the night before. Emma walks up to Jay and he tells her, “You already had the tour.” Emma asks him to show her again. He looks up at her again as she says, “Show me again for real.” He motions his head towards the van and tells her, “After you.” She walks towards the van and Jay follows. Emma climbs inside and he slams the door behind her.

Craig is at Ashley’s house, where she is confessing that she should have told him sooner that the group was Ellie’s. Craig tells her that he liked it and that he’s going to go next week. He just wants to be her boyfriend. She tells him that he is, that they went through that a couple of months ago. He explains he wants to be her boyfriend, and not the crazy guy that she has to save all the time. Craig goes further into it, “I want to talk about music, movies, and yes, goulash.” Ashley says she gets the message. It’s about time. Craig says, “So…” and before he can continue, Ashley leans over and kisses him with a nice, long, romantic kiss. Not a kiss that says, “Did you take your meds today?” He kisses her back.

Emma is sneaking back in through the basement window after her van-rocking night. The light clicks on to reveal Spike and Snake waiting for her. Spike says, “Well?” Emma walks by them defiantly, lying that she went for a walk. Snake reminds her it’s two in the morning. Spike wants to know what’s wrong with her. Emma waits a minute, then starts to cry “I can’t sleep. I haven’t been ever since the shooting,” she explains. “I didn’t want to upset you guys. Since then, I was so scared.” Spike and Snake are immediately supportive, and tell her she can go to bed instead of talking about it. Emma hugs Spike and tells her not to worry, while looking at the new bracelets on her wrist. When they leave, Emma wipes the tear off her face and half-smiles, knowing she just got out of some serious trouble with her parents. She looks down at her wrist, where there are now two bracelets.

Emma shows up for school the next day, touching her bracelets as she walks in the door. They have really become a badge of honor for her. She walks by Alex, who is suspended in the air by Jay. Amy is commenting on how she loves how mature Alex’s boyfriend is. Emma watches as Alex says, “Great, first doctor’s note I’ve had that isn’t a forgery and Mr. I Can Pick Up A Girl has to make it look all suspicious.” Jay isn’t even paying attention to her, he’s staring dead ahead at Emma. Jay realizes he isn’t paying attention to his girlfriend and leans over to kiss her.

At that moment, Nate walks up and asks Emma where the costumes are supposed to go. She looks at Jay, then turns to Nate and lays one on him, kissing him while never breaking eye contact with Jay. This is in front of everyone in the hallway, including Jay, Manny, and a very shocked Snake. Nate tells Emma, “I’ve had more conversations with the janitor than I’ve had with you.” Jay is shocked and I think Manny may have had a coronary. Emma explains, “I was acting. Just kissing all my nerves out pre-dress rehearsal. But don’t worry Nate, I’ll wait for my cue next time.” She smiles and walks off, leaving a stunned group of people in her wake.

As she walks by the library, Jay pulls her aside. He asks her, “Are you hot for Dracula or are you trying to mess with me?” She doesn’t answer him but asks, “Are you going to be in the ravine again tonight? Are we going to party? I think I need another bracelet.” Okay, she’s now a bracelet blowjob earning queen. Jay tells her, “I don’t like being messed with, okay?” Emma tells him she knows that, smirking at Jay the whole time. They are interrupted by Snake, who tells Jay he needs a moment with his daughter. He looks at the two of them, then just at Jay. (FYI: I’ve met Stefan Brogren who plays Snake in person, if he gave me that look while towering over me, I’d be quick to do whatever he said.)

Jay tells Snake that his concern is adorable, and Snake says, “Cut the commentary Jason and go.” Jason! Heh. Jay looks at Emma as he backs away, her smile never changing. She then looks at Snake, offering her own commentary: “Standby for concerned father figure lecture.” She leans against the books casually and Snake looks like he wants to throw her skinny butt across the library. “You come in at three in the morning, hysterical, crying, wanting to talk about the shooting,” he says. “And now you’re kissing random guys?” She gives him a smile and tells him it wasn’t random. Snake pleads with her, “Please Em, let me be here for you, let me talk to you.” The smile finally fades off her face as she says, “the bell is going to go.” With that, she walks off and leaves a visibly upset Snake in the library.

Right about now there is somewhat of a plot change, and an addition of other Degrassi students. In the US, this was made into one episode. It was shown originally in Canada as two. While Degrassi may occasionally have plotline holes, this is from The N’s editing practices and nothing more.

Jimmy is posing for photos with Nurse Paula in their wheelchairs. Paula thanks Marco for taking the photo. Jimmy talks as Marco and Craig help him pack. “Poor nurse Paula, she’s going to miss me. But home is a full fridge and a widescreen.” Marco jumps in, “Craig and I can come hang out without visiting hours. We can play Kid Elrick as loud as we want.” Craig tells him that Jimmy’s dad can tuck him in instead of Nurse Paula. Jimmy throws a basketball at him and says that is the only thing he’s going to miss about this place.

There’s a knock on the door, and it’s Jimmy’s dad. “Don’t block the doorway, pops,” Jimmy says, “no time for speed bumps. You ready?” His dad tells him that he looks good, but in a voice that says the opposite. It doesn’t sound good, and you can see in Jimmy’s face he agrees. He tells his dad, “I don’t like ‘You look good Jim.’” His dad stammers for a minute before explaining that the railing isn’t done in the condo yet. Jimmy doesn’t get it. His dad tells him that he’ll have to stay in the hospital for at least another week. Jimmy is upset by this news. Craig says that Jimmy gets around really well, but Jimmy’s father isn’t buying it. “I know Jimmy’s made great progress, but I can’t be with him 24/7 right now and I don’t want something happening that’s going to trash all the progress that he’s made.” It’s Marco’s turn to appeal to Mr. Brooks. “He really wants to go. What about Mrs. Brooks, or a nurse, we could even help out.” Jimmy tells him to forget it and wheels off.

It’s time for the dress rehearsal and Danny is performing his lines. Emma and Manny are walking around the stage. Manny, forever being Manny, whispers to Emma, “If Nate were 50 and fat, you could have caused cardiac arrest.” Emma, doing an accent, says, “Anything for the theater.” Liberty shushes them. Manny tells Emma, “I need complete teen girl details. Why? Good? Tongue? Like it or not? Bring the answers over tonight.” Emma tells Manny, “I can’t tonight. I have to go to the ravine. I’m meeting some people.” J.T. finally shushes the two. “Is it too much to ask for silence in the peanut gallery?”

Danny gets to the line, “There in the moonlight were three young women.” Yet only two of the girls are on stage, one being Amy. Danny repeats, “three” as Amy explains that Alex is at the doctor. At that moment, in rushes Alex with Jay right behind her. He’s telling her, “Lexie it was nothing, come on Lexie.” J.T. says to Jay, “Lexie is late for her scene.” Alex tells the room, “You want a scene, J.T.? Hey, best friend Amy, let’s give J.T. a scene.” She walks on stage and punches Amy in the face.

Alex continues, “Tell me about the ravine, Amy, and how you went down on my boyfriend, Amy. And the bracelets you got for it.” Emma looks scared at what is happening and goes to hide her bracelets before anyone notices. She forgets Manny is right by her and they were talking about the ravine. Jay grabs Alex by the shoulders and says, “Just come outside, Alex.” She turns around and tells him, “Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. I’ll deck your smug face, too.” Jay watches her walk off the stage.

Jimmy is watching people walk out of the recovery center when Nurse Paula tells him to shake it off and calls him “Mopey Brooks.” He turns his chair around to tell her he’s not mopey. She continues, “A chair is only a prison if you let it be.” Jimmy asks her to stop the inspirational quotes because he’s not buying it. She tells him bluntly, “What you shouldn’t buy is your dad’s attitude. You and I both know Jimmy Brooks can do whatever he sets his mind to. At least I know it.”

Emma is walking off and Manny runs to catch her. She tells her, “It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure out it out. But why would you hook up with Jay? Are you in love with him?” Emma says she’s not. Manny wants to know what she gets out of it, then. ‘That’s a really stupid question,” Emma says, and starts to walk off again. “What you’re doing is stupid,” Manny tells her. “You’re letting a disgusting bottom feeder use you to go cheat on his girlfriend.” Emma says the words I was hoping she would with, “Should you really be preaching to anyone about that? We’re not having real sex.”

Manny tells her that it’s pretty close, and Emma decides to go for the low blow. “But I’m not getting pregnant,” she says, and she gives Manny a condescending look. Manny is taken aback and asks why Emma is trying to hurt her. “Because you won’t leave me alone,” Emma yells and runs off. Manny yells after her that she’s better than what she’s doing. Emma turns around and says, “What do you know about who I am or what I’m worth or anything?” Emma storms off and leaves Manny shaking her head.

Marco and Craig show up at Jimmy’s room with a special delivery of pizza. Marco says, in his best fake Italian accent, that it’s from the “Sorry Your Dad Sucks Pizzeria.” Jimmy is online, saying he will hold out until tomorrow. Jimmy has a plan. There’s a student council meeting, which will get Marco and Craig out of school. He then wants them to come over there and bust him out. Craig says, “Sounds like trouble.” Marco lets them know he’s not good with trouble. Jimmy explains that he needs to see something besides those two damn fine boys – my words not his – and those ugly ass walls. The two look at each other. Craig says that Jimmy will be “Houdini on Wheels.” Jimmy turns around the newspaper he was holding to show them a Kid Elrick show. He explains that is where the “Houdini on Wheels” wants to be.

Emma is back at the ravine, looking for love in all the wrong places. She sees someone she recognizes and asks if they’ve seen Jay. He asks her to hang with him; he could always use another friend. She says, “Yeah, friends with benefits.” He tells her that everyone could use good benefits. Next time, she says, and then she’s off to find Jay.

She finds him parked at his house, sitting in his car and not looking so good. She asks if she can climb in and mentions how she went to the ravine but he wasn’t there. She is leaning across the front seat to be in his face. “My day kinda sucked,” he says, “in case you didn’t notice.” Emma starts running her hand up his thigh and offers to make him feel better.

Jay stops her hand. “Alex is sick with something and she thinks I gave it to her so she won’t talk to me,” he says. “So I don’t feel like it tonight.” Emma puts on a pouty face and asks, ‘Are you going to cry now?” Jay tells her she’s “one cold girl.” Emma looks him dead in the eyes and says, “There are a ton of guys who would love the chance to be with me.” Jay pulls away from her and says that right now he isn’t one of them. He opens the door behind her and she takes the hint to get out of the car. Jay watches her walk off.

Operation Houdini is underway. Jimmy tells Marco that it was sweet of him to bring the incredible disguise, which is a black hooded fleece jacket. Jimmy mentions it does nothing to hide the huge shiny piece of metal he’s sitting in. Marco thought it would be cool to look like ninjas. Their ninja squabbling is done when they see Craig come in. I do believe someone told him it would be cool to dress as Inspector Gadget. He’s got on the hat, the trench coat, and is walking with his hands in the coat pockets. He walks up to the nurse’s station and tells her, “I’m here for Dr. Schencklhaken.” The front desk nurse explains they don’t have anyone there by that name.

As she answers the phone, Craig gets a bit manic on her ass. He starts asking, “Dr. Spillcomission?” On the phone is Marco, who is pretending to be Dr. Spitz Kozentcki and coughing constantly. It’s pretty pathetic, but seems to be working. Then Craig ups his act and says, “Go get Dr. Shrunkenhoser.” Marco then tells the nurse that she needs to leave the area now, as the person there is extremely dangerous. She asks Craig to wait and takes off running. The boys have their chance and make it out for the show.

Jay is working on the set when Emma walks up. She calls out his name and sits down. She starts to tell him “about last night,” but has trouble with her throat. Jay asks if she is alright and she tells him it’s just a sore throat. “I don’t care about Alex or anything, you know. Really I don’t,” she says. J.T. interrupts them with a drink of raw egg, honey, and lemon. He wants Emma to drink. She tells J.T. her voice is just tired, but he is insisting she drink up. “You told me you were going to be able to do the show,” he says. “So you’re going to do the show. Period.” She sips and makes a face.

Everyone is heading to class when J.T. notices the health nurse is in the room. He makes some commentary as he and Emma take their seats. “Show of hands,” the nurse demands. “oral sex is safer than regular intercourse.” A few kids raise their hands. She then drops the bomb on the room, “We think there’s been a mini outbreak here at Degrassi of this.” She points to the word Gonorrhea on a flip chart. Manny says, “Gonorrhea?” and the class laughs. She is embarrassed and says, “Sorry. Did I just say that out loud?” The nurse continues, “It’s not a very nice word, is it? Gonorrhea. And how do you know if you have Gonorrhea?” She flips a page on the chart and it’s a list of symptoms no person ever wants. She says, “Some symptoms are genital discharge, bleeding, burning, or you might get a fever or sore throat.”

J.T. turns to his star with a sore throat and asks, “Hey Em, you got something to tell us?” She is looking like she’s seen a ghost and tells him to shut up. Manny’s facial expression lets us know she knows exactly what is going on with Emma. The nurse continues, “And sometimes, those with the disease show no symptoms at all. Lucky, you might think. Think again. Untreated gonorrhea can cause arthritis, heart disease, and infertility.” Emma looks like she might throw up. The nurse starts again, “Ok, recognize this?” It’s a condom. She pulls one out and says, “If you’ve had any sex without using one of these, you are at risk. This applies to oral sex as well, especially if you’ve had it with a bunch of people or if your partner has.” Emma looks like she’s going to cry.

The three amigos are out and about to see the Kid Elrick concert. We know this because we see images of the city before they are in the bar. A girl walks by and looks Jimmy over, obviously eying the goods. Marco notices it and says, “Mr. Mobility just got checked out.” Jimmy says, “No, it was more like a ‘what’s with the gimp?’ drive-by.” He rolls himself into the bar and collides with a man. The guy isn’t upset, but Jimmy is. He wants to leave. Craig won’t let him.

Liberty is putting on makeup and telling Manny, “I can’t believe I have to be Alex. Tell me, are you as nervous as I am?” Manny says, “Is the Pope a Catholic?” She walks over to Emma and sits down. Without further ado she asks, “Does Jay have gonorrhea?” Emma turns to her and starts reply but Manny keeps going. “Alex and Amy happen to be sick. What are you going to do out there?” Emma looks confused and answers that she’s going to play the part of Mina. Manny shakes her head, since her being the smarter one in most situations is rare, and explains, “If you have any conscience at all, you will not kiss Dracula.” Emma gives Manny the “go to hell” look she’s been giving everyone and runs off. Manny yells after her.

At the concert, Jimmy is annoyed because Kid Elrick is about to be on the stage and he can’t see a thing. The boys look around for wheelchair seating, and then decide to find a manager. Marco and Craig start to head off and Jimmy freaks. He tells Craig they can’t leave him there like that, but Craig lets him know it’s only going to be for two seconds. They take off and leave Jimmy in the middle of the floor. As soon as they leave, Kid Elrick takes the stage. Jimmy can’t see and tells the guy in front of him. The guy, the same one he bumped into earlier, says it’s no problem and lets Jimmy move ahead of him. Jimmy is thrilled and he is able to make his way through the crowd. Jimmy is happy, dancing in his wheelchair, and looking free. FYI: For those of you who haven’t seen Kid Elrick, he’s a Kid Rock rip off down to the hat.

On stage at the school play, Emma as Mina is waiting on the lounge seat. Nate as Dracula is coming towards her as he puts her under his spell. She stands and walks toward him. This is the kissing scene. He pulls her close then off to the side. She whispers, “What are you doing?” He says, “Keep going.” People notice the change, including Snake and Spike in the audience. Emma’s last lines mirror her life to a certain extent. “What have I done? What have I done to deserve such a fate? I, who have walked in meekness and in righteousness in all my days. God pity me.” Dracula takes her in his cape and the scene is over.

Backstage, Emma tells Nate that he threw the scene, and was completely unprofessional. He tells her he’d rather be that than diseased. She asks him to repeat what he just said. “There isn’t enough antibiotic in the world that would make me kiss you,” he says. “And that little smooch in the hall the other day, who knows what I caught from that. Thanks so much.” Jay, who was listening in the background, walks up to Emma. He puts his arms around her and says, “Screw him.” She asks Jay, “Why did you do this to me?” Wow, I think her mouth was involved and it wasn’t forced. Jay tells her that he didn’t do anything, but Emma tells him he gave her a social disease. “You said you didn’t care,” he reminds her. “Even this morning, you said it.”

Emma tells Jay to leave her alone. Jay waits then runs towards Emma, “Look, I never told Alex about you, Emma. I liked how you had virtue or whatever.” You can see he does have a thing for her. She says to him, “I don’t, not any of that.” Jay says, “Come on, who are you trying to fool? Everybody knows. Everybody knows about the real you.” He’s trying to help but she’s in “pity me” mode. She walks back to finish the next scene, in which Manny is killed with a stake through the heart.

The boys are riled up from seeing the concert and are sneaking back in the care unit with Jimmy. His dad is waiting for them. He tells them the nurse called and he’s furious. Jimmy wheels himself in and asks, “So what are you going to do? Ground me? Look, today was an obstacle course and I brought my A game. I have an A game.” His dad interrupts and Jimmy keeps going, “I’m ready to come home, now you have to be ready for it.” His dad sits down and thinks about it before asking, “Will you be here tomorrow morning?” Jimmy says, “It depends, what are you offering?” His dad says that he’ll find a homecare person, someone to fill in the gap when he can’t be there. Jimmy looks at his friends, who think he should take the offer, and back to his dad. He tells his dad, “Okay,” and they have a moment.

Spike and Snake are in the kitchen. Spike is talking about Emma’s performance and says she can’t believe she’s the same girl. Snake is even more complimentary, saying she was Kate Hepburn reborn. Emma walks into the kitchen and Spike asks, “Did we wake you, Miss Hepburn?” She says she wasn’t asleep. Snake says, “Post show adrenaline. You probably feel fantastic right now.” Emma hasn’t been able to look at them at all. Spike tells her, “And for the record, Snake and me walking on eggshells around you are officially over, our girl’s back.”

Emma starts rambling. “I just wanted you to be proud, before. How brave and perfect I was and after everything that happened and Rick died, I couldn’t hold on to it anymore.” Spike tells her she doesn’t have to be brave or perfect ever as long as she’s herself. Emma is crying and says, “What if I don’t like me very much right now?” Spike looks to Snake, who looks like he might know what’s going down. Emma says she needs someone to take her to the clinic. Spike tries to feel for a fever, but Emma pulls back and explains, “I just need to go to the health unit tomorrow.”

Snake steps in to explain, “There’s something going around at school right now, but it’s a very specific group and Em if you’re worried, there’s a good chance you don’t have to be.” Emma looks away and says, “I have to be.” Snake realizes what she is saying, and Spike says, “Emma?” Emma asks, “Just say you’ll take me, just say.” Spike walks up and hugs Emma, who is bawling. Snake isn’t sure what to do, but he stays within arms reach.

2005-07-20

It’s Ashley, who recognizes right away that Craig shouldn’t be alone. She tells him that she should be with him, but her mom – perhaps using psychic powers to determine Ash is talking to Craig – tells her that it’s time for them to go get their hair done. Craig wants to know why Ashley’s being so nice. After all, yesterday he asked her to marry him, and she said no. Ashley smiles and clarifies that she can’t marry him yet, but she wants to. She does. Craig asks if that’s a “someday.” Ashley says that it’s a yes. Craig lets out a yelp that is somewhere between a woo-hoo and a yee-haw. He hangs up the phone and picks up the ring, smiling at it broadly.

After the theme song, Craig is at The Dot, his legs bouncing madly under the table. Marco smacks him on the back as he walks up, looking annoyed. Craig tells him he screwed up. (Again.) He needs to buy a suit. A nice suit. Marco doesn’t see what this has to do with him. Craig should just go buy a suit. He’s only there because Craig sounded like a lunatic on the phone. The deal is, Craig says, Ashley’s dad’s Big Gay Wedding is this afternoon, and he needs a suit. Did he mention that? He needs a nice, expensive suit, because he has to make a good impression on Ashley and her family. Marco tells him to avoid buying a cheap suit, then. Craig makes a frustrated noise and Marco gives in. He wants to know what they’re going to shop with. Craig pulls out Joey’s credit card and says, “Solid gold, my friend.”

Shopping montage. Catchy music. Craig likes cheap, tacky things. Marco guides him toward expensive stuff. Craig likes black and white wing-tipped shoes. Marco shows up with something black and classy. They buy ties and belts and boxer shorts, stopping for a moment to smell a perfume call Sexual. Craig settles on an off-white suit, off-white felt fedora, and a lavender tie. Layered into the wacky trying-stuff-on scenes are images of Joey’s credit card getting swiped over and over again, as if we weren’t smart enough to see this disaster coming from 10 miles away.

The music stops as Craig and Marco walk off down the mall carrying their myriad of purchases. Out of the blue comes Sexy Dylan, who jogs into the frame with his blond curls bouncing. He’s sorry he’s late. Better late than never, I say. Marco hands over the suit to Craig and says, “My work here is done.” That’s good, because Craig has a Big Gay Wedding to get to. “I’m so glad that gays can get married!” he exclaims. “That you two can get married! I mean, you gays! If you, I mean, if you ever wanted to.” He starts mumbling “great” to himself and runs off. Dylan is confused, but thanks him for his support. Sort of.

Liberty and J.T. make a pact that they’re going to move forward with the musical they’ve written, which includes something called “The Radish Song.” They shake on it just as Alex, Manny and Emma show up with the guy who has the lead in the play. Did I miss the part where I was supposed to know this guy’s name? Also, all the girls in this scene – except Liberty – look hot in inappropriate ways.

Alex asks if they got Radditch to change his mind about the play. “Not yet,” says J.T. as he hands out copies of the song. “Dracula is staked for now.” I remember when J.T. used to be actually funny. The Lead Guy With No Name bitches that he’s spent his Saturday rehearsing for…what, exactly? “The Radish Song,” reads Emma. J.T. demonstrates that it is sung to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” Lead Guy sings the first line and Manny completes it. Radishes are not-so-sweet and gross to eat. Manny notes that, while the song gets more evil later, she’s not going to do it. I’m not getting the part where it’s evil at all.

The song, as it turns out, is speaking out against oppression. It’s their anthem of rebellion. Alex says that she’s all about rebellion, but not so much about getting expelled over a play. Emma gives them an “A” for effort, but hands in her song sheet. One by one, the cast of the play leaves and J.T. protests: “United we stand, divided we suck!” Manny tells them that if she hurries she can still catch her dad, which is the most worthless line in this episode. Congratulations, Manny!

Craig gets in the hotel elevator with some guy whose job is to look nervously at his watch while Craig rambles on and on about how he just bought a suit for his girlfriend’s wedding. Not her wedding, her dad’s wedding, to another guy. On and on he goes in circles, like an electric train set. The elevator stops on Craig’s floor, where lots of official-looking hotel people are shaking their heads while removing the rubble from Craig’s room. Craig ducks back into the elevator and tells the nervous guy that he got the wrong floor. “Crazy, crazy me,” he says.

In the quiet of his hospital room, Jimmy’s eating lunch. Craig bursts in half dressed and carrying all his purchases, and demands to know where the bathroom is. Jimmy tells him he goes in a bag, and he’d go into more details, but he’s eating. Craig closes the door and tells Jimmy he has big news as he starts to pull off his pants. “Are you ready?” he asks. Jimmy’s protests are nothing to Craig, who at this point is dead set on talking non-stop until the end of the episode.

The first wedding he went to was his mom’s, to Joey. Spike and Snake’s was the second. Ash’s dad makes three. Craig wants to “get his practice down” so he’ll be ready for his own wedding. Jimmy says he’s got some time for that. Craig does a little dance like he’s going to pee his pants and tells Jimmy that he asked, and Ashley accepted. Jimmy tries hard not to laugh. “Congratulations!” Craig yells. Jimmy points out that he’s only 16, so he might want to wait until, like, graduation or an occupation.

This harshes Craig’s buzz. He continues to get dressed and fumbles with the button on his shirtsleeve. Leaning across the bed he asks Jimmy to button it for him. Pulling back, Jimmy asks him if he’s drunk or high or just out of his mind. We get it! Uncle! Craig is OUT OF HIS MIND! Fuck. I’m only eight and a half minutes into this episode. “I love her!” Craig yells. Jimmy is so the man when he tells Craig that being in love doesn’t explain whatever in the hell is wrong with him. “Maybe you should just think about it, and be happy for me,” Craig tells him. Jimmy sucks on his bottom lip and furrows his brow.

Big Gay Wedding! Some thin woman with a stereotypical lesbian haircut is officiating. According to her, there are a lot of songs “and Hollywood movies, too” about love. Ashley stands by with a tight smile and Craig fidgets in the crowd. Their eyes meet and Ashley mouths “I love you.” Craig closes his eyes in ecstasy. The officiating lesbian declares that the “union of love” is now official and Ashley’s Big Gay Dad kisses his Big Gay Spouse. The crowd goes wild! Craig smiles and smiles.

In the house I thought this ep forgot, Joey is trying to pay for some Chinese takeout with his credit card, which is of course missing. He begrudgingly asks if Caitlin has enough cash to pay for it, and when she asks why he isn’t putting it on his card, he tells her that he’s either misplaced it or Craig stole it. Spike steps in with some cash and holy hell, does she look gorgeous. Her hair is a natural chestnut color, and it’s pulled into a loose ponytail. Gorgeous.

At the mention of Craig, Snake looks uncomfortable. He asks how Craig’s been lately, and Joey says he’ll be a lot worse when he’s through with him. Snake says that, actually, he’s concerned. He’s using his teacher voice. Joey says that he’s concerned, too, but then asks for dibs on the chow mein. Snake brings down the room by reminding them that Craig’s dad wasn’t exactly the most stable guy. But Craig’s nothing like his father, Joey says, he’s just a teenager going through teenager stuff. It’s nothing that a grounding won’t cure. Snake protests that he sees a lot of teenagers every day, and Craig’s going through something else. Just then the phone rings. It’s for Joey. I’ll give you three guesses what this call is about, and the first two don’t count. “Damages?” Joey says into the phone.

At the Big Gay Wedding Reception, Ashley’s mom is making a speech that is funny, if all those laughing people are anything to go by. She says that, as Robert’s ex-wife, it’s not usual that she be attending his second wedding to someone younger and prettier than her. There’s something about their “unusual” family, and she asks Ashley to stand up. There’s a round of applause, and Craig stands, too. Ashley tries to get him to sit, but instead he introduces himself as Ashley’s boyfriend, not part of the “unusual” family Ms. Kerwin spoke of, at least not yet. Ash tugs on his arm, but he just keeps going. He has an announcement. He and Ashley are getting married! Some of the old folks clap, but Ash’s mom and dad look unamused. Ashley hides her face in her arms. Craig raises his champagne glass and toasts to him and Ashley. He then chugs the entire thing in one gulp and sits down, grinning like a fool.

Ashley runs from the reception tent, Craig hot on her heels. She wants to know what in the hell he was thinking. He thought it would be perfect, since her dad just got married and all. Just that morning she said she wanted to be together! She tells him that she’s changed her mind. Slutty Aunt Sally comes out of the tent all worried and asks if Ashley is okay. She says that she will be, as soon as Craig leaves. He gets down on his knees in the grass and tells her that she’s everything. She tells him to go home, which he pretends he’s going to do before he runs back into the tent and up to her parents.

He tells them that he loves Ashley, and having to prove it over and over again is disrespectful. Ash’s mom tells Ashley to take him outside, but Craig won’t listen to either of them. Big Gay Spouse takes his arm and tells him they can talk about it later, but Craig pulls away. He says that this time, when Ms. Kerwin tells Ashley to stay away from him, he’s afraid she’s going to listen. There’s a scuffle, and Craig falls back into a table, bringing it to the floor. Big Gay Spouse tries to help him up, but Craig pushes him away and runs out of the tent.

At school, J.T. and Liberty are lounging on the stage when Radditch shows up. To tell you the truth, I had forgotten about this plotline entirely. Radditch wants to know what happened to the drama club. He pronounces drama like Alabama. J.T. tells him that actors are notoriously late, and as Radditch removes his clip-on sunglasses, he asks them if they made any progress. Liberty tells him that they will, in fact, sing to him their progress.

J.T. sets the scene. It’s the mid 1980s, and Degrassi’s cafeteria worker has just seen E.T. Liberty turns from her place at the piano and says that wasn’t the setup they agreed on. He shushes her. As she plunks out the tune to “Twinkle Twinkle” J.T. sings the old words, about the hallowed halls of stone and dying alone. Liberty tells him those aren’t the words, but Radditch shushes her, too. He thinks they’re fine words. “A student died in this school,” Liberty says. “And a fuzzy song and awkward choreography isn’t going to help us deal with it.” J.T. approaches her, but she sings the real song.

Radishes, radishes, not so sweet
Red and round and gross to eat
They have power and cruel little voices
They say, “I run Degrassi” you have no choices
Ugly and mean and slightly obscene
The stubbornest radishes you’ll ever see.

I guess it was sort of evil, after all. Radditch looks contrite as Liberty walks out. He tells J.T. it was an interesting song, and he’d like a reprisal. Monday, in detention. Both of them.

At the Big Gay Wedding Reception, Ashley is crying all alone. Her cute pink phone is ringing and flashing, but she doesn’t answer. Somewhere in a phone booth, Craig is crying his eyes out. He whispers “Ashley, I need you” into the phone. He says it again, and when it’s clear she’s not going to pick up, he shouts the words and then bangs the receiver against the glass.

When he finally shows up at home, Caitlin tells Craig that Joey is out looking for him. She notices that his knuckles are bloody and goes to look for a towel – one can only assume he beat up on the phone booth when the cameras left him last. Craig crouches next to Angie and gives her something for Ashley. He wants Angie to give it to her. It’s “just a ring.” He kisses Angie on the forehead and tells her he loves her the most.

Ashley and her mom are sitting silently together when Gay Dad approaches with Joey. He demands to know where Craig is, and when Ashley says he’s not there anymore, Joey says that he knows all about the hotel room. Busted. What Joey really wants to know is why they trashed the room, $4000 in damages! Ashley says she didn’t. Craig must have done it the night before, after he proposed. Joey stutters on the word “proposed” so Ms. Kerwin takes the opportunity to tell him Craig has problems. Lots of problems. Ashley says that Craig isn’t like this, not ever. She asks Joey to explain, but Joey is too busy being melodramatic. “What is happening to my son?”

At home, Caitlin is reading to Angie and Craig has changed into one of his hot hipster t-shirts. He gives Caitlin an envelope with a check for $3000 and asks her to give it to Joey. It’s all he has left of his inheritance. Caitlin tells him that they know Craig stole the card. He snaps back that the card is in the envelope, too, and starts to leave. He tells Caitlin he’s going back to the wedding…to Marco’s…nowhere.

Joey’s home, and there’ll be hell to pay. He frowns a lot and breathes deeply. It is now, for the first time, that I realize Jake Epstein (Craig) is about a foot and a half taller than Pat Mastroianni (Joey). Craig fights back tears and tells Joey that the place looks great. Joey takes a couple of deep breaths and tells Craig to sit down. Craig tells him that Caitlin has the credit card and then tries to leave, which is exactly the wrong move.

Joey says something isn’t right with him, and Craig says, “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine,” and then there’s some pushing and shoving and Craig has Joey back against a bookcase. Joey says that he’s trying to help, but Craig’s all gone now. He punches Joey in the gut and then takes him to the ground. Angela and Caitlin are yelling at Craig as he pummels Joey in the face for what seems like 10 minutes until, miraculously, Ashley shows up.

She yells for Craig to calm down, and he does, shoving off of Joey and latching on to her, telling her over and over that she “came back.” He tries to kiss her but she pushes him off, crying. “After everything I did, you still came back to me,” he says. Ashley tells him that she did, but that he needs help. Craig turns and finally notices Joey, bleeding on the floor. Craig looks like he is in shock and crumbles. Ashley leans her forehead against his and tells him that they’ll get him help.

Detention. J.T. says that they shouldn’t think of it as detention, they should think of it as…something. I wanted to quote here, but I’ve rewound three times, and I officially give up. Whatever it was, Liberty doesn’t laugh, and it annoys J.T. She doesn’t understand why he’s in detention, since she’s the one who sang the song. He tells her it was worth it, to see the look on Radditch’s face when he fired them. (He fired them?) Liberty smiles coyly, but says he’s not helping.

He tells her that he’s sorry he chickened out on the song, but what she did took guts. She smiles and says, “You know what I wished I’d have done?” And then she kisses him. Just like that, in detention. Let’s just say, he’s not backing away. Liberty tells him that she’s crushed on him for four years. He kisses her back. Then, for reasons unknown to the universe, J.T. says, “my stomach hurts a little bit.” (J.T./Liberty ‘shippers will no doubt say it’s the fluttering of true love.)

In a hospital room that’s not Jimmy’s, Craig is explaining to Ashley that he can’t sleep. He’s written 17 new songs in one week, which is more songs than he’s ever written in his entire life. Oh, and by the way, it turns out he’s crazy. Ashley says he’s not crazy, he’s just bi-polar, and for everyone in the audience who doesn’t know what that is, Ashley expositions that it means he has a chemical imbalance in his brain. He tells her that she should go, but she doesn’t want to.

He curls up around his pillow, all six-feet-plus of him in flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt, and tells Ashley that he’s going to have to manage this for the rest of his life. Medication. Shrinks. She crawls into bed facing him and holds his hand. “The first time we dated it was a disaster,” Craig says. “This time, it’s nuclear.” She tells him that they aren’t over. You can tell she means it, because she’s wearing the wrist cuff of teenage love. “So you’re here, with me?” Craig asks in a quiet voice. “Absolutely,” she replies.

2005-02-22

Craig tries to extract a promise that she’ll call him later, but she can’t commit. Her dad’s Big Gay Wedding has taken over her entire life: dressing fittings, rehearsal dinners, driving to the airport to pick up Big Gay Step-Daddy’s sister…Craig tells her that he likes airports. People say “hello” and “goodbye” at airports. They even say “I love you,” for instance. Ashley begins to ask Craig if he’s just said the L word (the non-lesbian one, though I can see how you’d be confused in all the gayness), but he teases that he only says it in airports.

Before she can get him to confess, Ash’s Not-Gay Mom pulls up. She’s less than pleased to see Ashley snuggled up with Craig, and one has to assume that she’s hip to the whole Manny/Craig/Baby debacle. All sorts of garbage pours from Craig’s mouth as he tries to greet Ms. Kerwin who ignores him and demands that Ashley get in the car. Craig rambles that he’ll call her and stuff. Ms. Kerwin tells him not to bother.

Her comment is almost as heinous as the remixed theme song.

When we come back, Ash and Craig are sitting in the hallway at school. Ashley says that she will tell her mom she’s back together with Craig, end of story. Craig’s still bummed by the “don’t bother” comment and wants to know what it means. It means that next time Ashley isn’t going to tell her mom all the gory details of the breakup. They are each wearing a thick leather wrist cuff, on opposite arms. Aww! Craig tells her there won’t be a next time. Dear Craig, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Kisses, me.

The screeching of an accordion, playing a vaguely familiar tune, interrupts the tender moment. As Craig follows the sound into the cafeteria, the instrument is joined by an off-key voice. It’s easily recognizable as Marco’s off-key voice, mangling the lyrics to the Downtown Sasquatch song “Dust” in a most amusing way. At the root of the recording is Marco himself. He’s sitting in the caf with Spinner and a boombox, looking gloomy.

“Is that what I think it is?” Craig asks. Spinner – who I am tempted to give a nickname, like Mr. Sucks Ass – bitches that it’s the song they were supposed to record, until Craig gave it all up for “Miss Band Breaker-Upper.” Ashley joins them, and everyone agrees that the song blows. Marco adds that it’s the last single Downtown Sasquatch will ever put out. Speaking of putting out, I wonder if Marco would be so pissy if he were still seeing Dylan? Spinner dumps out the contents of his bag, spilling several dozen CDs on the floor. He tells Craig that they sometimes stick if you throw them at the ceiling hard enough. Marco pulls the CD out of the boombox and bounces it off Craig’s chest before stomping away. Ash holds on to his arm and echoes what she said earlier – she and Craig are back together, and that’s that.

J.T. hands Liberty an enormous stack of pink paper. Through a lot of exposition, we learn that the stack contains scripts which Liberty wrote by adapting Dracula (the book, not the movie, says J.T.). For reasons that are not clear to me, Liberty thinks it’s pedestrian and a reputation-killer. Apparently, she had a reputation before that I wasn’t aware of. Manny tries to cheer her up by telling her she’s stubborn, and J.T. pipes up that she’s self-confident to the point of “social retardation.” These guys are the best.friends.ever. Without taking back the mean stuff, J.T. adds that Liberty is talented, brilliant, even. He then instructs her to eat a muffin and chill, because her director says so. In Liberty’s head, she erases “socially retarded” and files away “brilliant.”

In the Media Immersion lab, Craig and Ashley are flirting via Degrassi’s instant messaging program. They use annoying chatspeak like “r u working.” Which, by the way, Ashley isn’t. Working. She’s doing wedding stuff. Giving classroom etiquette the boot, Craig rolls his chair closer and shows Ashley a bunch of lyrics he’s written. Only one song is finished, he explains, but the last few nights he’s been staying up. Snake implies that they should stop talking, but isn’t very forceful about it.

Craig keeps rambling about how he’s got all this inspiration, energy. He would have waited until later to show her, but he needs to know what she thinks right now. (Every time I mention Craig in this recap, you should picture him being restless and twitchy, and then you’ll be about halfway to reality.) Snake tells them to pipe down, only Craig couldn’t care less. When Craig continues to ignore him, Snake yells his name. Craig pops right out of his chair and yells “WHAT?!” There is a collective “ooh” from the students. Snake tells him to go introduce himself to the lonely computer in the corner, but Craig shouts that it’s supposed to be independent study, and so he should be able to do whatever he wants. Ashley looks confused by his outburst, which only gets better. “Me?” Craig says, as he slings his bag over his shoulder, “Independent and walking. You? Study my butt leaving!” Snake says they’ll study his butt at the office. Kinky!

The scene cuts to Craig walking up some stairs, and Ashley meets him in the middle. It’s confusing, because you’d think this would be a “Craig’s sad and wandering” montage, but it takes place later in the day. Ashley asks him if he’s at least reasonably calm. His issue, as it turns out, is that everyone is trying to separate them. Ash points out that they were passing notes and talking in class. Craig wants to know whose side she’s on. He’s being erratic, you understand.

He wants her to convince her mom that he’s not Satan’s kin, that he’s changed and great and good, because otherwise the rehearsal party is going to suck. Ash suggests that they work on her parents after the wedding. Craig starts to go off that she doesn’t want him at the party – and who could blame her? He’s acting like a crazy person, eh? She tries to tell him that she does want him to go, but he’s already run away.

Manny is reading a scene from the play. She’s asking Alex to kill her when the time comes. Me! Me! Let ME do it! Some random boy tells them that the sun is almost set, and there’s some blah blah from Manny about Dracula’s blood and how Dr. Van Helsing can save her life but only Jonathan can save her soul. Liberty looks pretty proud of herself as Miss Kwan bursts into applause. Not so fast! Principal Radditch would like to have a word.

Emma tells Liberty that the scene was really good. Alex says, “it was a little gross, too.” She means that in a good way. Manny gives her a thumbs up. Go Liberty, it’s your birthday! J.T. hugs her and tells her that it was awesome.

The camera shifts to Radditch, raining on the parade, and then right back to Liberty and J.T. defending the play. Someone needs to teach the intern how to edit the episodes or something. Radditch is not so down with severed heads and stakes through the heart, especially not after they’ve experienced such a violent event. Liberty quotes Van Helsing from the novel: “This power of good you have won from your suffering.” J.T. says that they’ve all been suffering since Rick died, and Liberty claims to have written the play to show the school that all things get better with time. Radditch wants something happier. Like a musical.

“A musical about Dracula?” Liberty grouses. No! Radditch wants a musical about Degrassi, and all the wonderful things that happen there! Let’s make a list: kid gets bullied until he shoots and paralyzes the school basketball star and then dies struggling for the gun, girl gets beaten by same bullied boy until he finally puts her in a coma, girl has sex one time and gets pregnant and has an abortion, girl gets raped but her accuser is found not-guilty during the trial, beloved teacher gets cancer…Wow! It could be like Rent but nowhere near as good! Radditch tells them that, even though the drama club is supposed to start rehearsal tomorrow, they have to rewrite the play overnight.

Rap music plays, so you know that it’s going to be a scene with Jimmy. Now that Chris is pretty much out of the picture, Jimmy is The Boy With Street Cred. He’s doing painful looking pull-ups on the bar suspended above his bed when Craig walks in, complaining that Ash is going to dump him. “It is her turn, right?” grumbles Jimmy. I truly do [heart] me some Jimmy.

Craig wants Jimmy to give him advice, like standing outside a window with a stereo. I like how, whenever these two talk about Ashley, no one mentions that she was Jimmy’s girlfriend first. Jimmy does another pull-up and then grimaces, dropping to the mattress and flinging the bar in frustration. Craig apologizes for always showing up to talk about himself, but Jimmy appreciates that. Everyone else comes in and talks about the weather, his prognosis or his legs. But enough about that, Craig should just get Ashley alone and talk to her.

Like that will happen. Her house is full of “wedding” and Caitlin is painting at his place. Jimmy asks if he should look into vacancies at the hospital. Haven’t kids these days heard about taking a walk? Going to the park? A light bulb goes on over Craig’s head as he remembers what other places have “vacancies.”

At Casa de Joey y Caitlin, everyone is eating pizza when Craig arrives. That little Angela is growing like a weed, I tell you. Craig doesn’t want pizza, though. He wants Joey’s credit card. Caitlin says she’ll sign over hers if Craig will paint every room in the house. Craig ignores her, but tells Joey that he can pay up front and he’ll only need the card for one night. Joey changes topics. He knows Craig skipped class because the school called. Craig says that he went to visit Jimmy during a study period, and wants to know what that has to do with borrowing a credit card. Joey won’t do it but chastises that skipping is still skipping and he’s not to do it again. Joey goes to help Caitlin with the lid of a paint can, so Craig steals the card out of Joey’s wallet. Suddenly he’s hungry for pizza.

“Tall, dark and hopelessly lost? You must be Craig.” Craig shows up at some place that looks weddingy, and is accosted by some skinny girl with dirty blond hair. Her name is Sally and she’s going to be Ashley’s aunt because her brother is marrying Ashley’s dad. She’s so hitting on him, and he keeps shaking himself out of staring at her breasts. She says that Ash’s dad told her all about Craig. Craig wants to know which version, was it the one where he has horns and a long pointy tail? Sally is sad to learn that Craig is different now. Slut.

Craig gives a lovely speech about how he hurt Ashley, and how Sally can flirt with him and people can say whatever they want, but he loves Ashley – who is of course standing right behind him and hears the whole thing. She tells him that she thought he only said those types of things at airports. They grin at each other until Craig can’t stand the quiet anymore. He tells her he isn’t staying long, he just came to give her a hotel key for later, in case she needed somewhere to go to get away from the wedding craziness. Before she can respond, Ms. Kerwin interrupts to say there is not room for extra guests, especially uninvited ones.

An elevator door bings open and out walks Craig, his hands over Ashley’s eyes. That sentence sounds like Craig is holding Ashley’s eyes independently of Ashley, but you know what I mean. He leads her to the door of the hotel room and tells her not to peek, though it’s just a hotel hallway with a vending area, and she already knew where they would be going. As he unlocks the door he tells her that it was supposed to be for after the rehearsal party, and as the door swings open it reveals a heart made of rose petals on the floor, the notation A + C inside. There are two beds, two vases of roses, and someone has put red scarves over the tacky lighting.

Ashley says it’s “kind of” perfect. There’s no interrupting friends or teachers or screeching parents, to which Craig adds “horny aunts.” Can they say “horny” on The-N? Guess we’ll find out. Ashley flops herself down on one of the beds and notes that there are two of them. “There are two of us,” Craig says. Ashley removes her jacket and – I swear – spreads her legs a little bit. She wants to know what’ll happen if they only need one. “One bed?” Craig squeaks.

Turns out, Ashley’s into the sex, as long as Craig brought something. His face lights up like, well, a teenage boy about to get some, and he claps his hands loudly and runs to the nightstand. He pulls out about a million condoms and says, “never again will I be without.” Ashley bounces over and thanks him for doing this. She’s not going to kick him in the sack for reminding her of the time he slept with Manny and got her pregnant? Whoa.

They love each other. The moment is perfect. Commence with the lovemaking.

After, Craig is sitting on the edge of the bed in his t-shirt and boxers flipping through channels like he’s on speed. Ashley’s getting dressed in front of the mirror and starts to cry, which freaks Craig out (but at least gets his attention). Ashley’s hair in this scene is totally out of control, which is so realistic, in that my-head’s-been-rubbing-on-the-pillow way. Craig apologizes for whatever it is he did and starts running around offering her snacks and whatever else flits across his brain.

Ashley’s crying because she’s happy, yet overwhelmed. This is also a nicely real touch, so much better than many of the times teens have had sex on TV. Ash tells Craig to keep talking, which he takes as an invitation to talk all crazy. He suggests they go away (like he did to his little sis Angela back in season two) and says they should get an apartment together (much like he told Manny when he wanted to create a shiny happy family). Ashley tells him that she doesn’t want to leave him, not even to go to the wedding rehearsal. “He’s my dad,” she says. “But I’m your Craig,” says the strange boy living in Craig’s hot body. He pouts out his lip and Ashley gives in, telling him that she loves both the men in her life equally, so Craig is coming to the rehearsal with her.

Manny joins Liberty and J.T. for some product-placed Pepsi products, where Liberty tells her that Dracula is dead, but Degrassi: The Musical is born. She and J.T. have decided to center the story around a cafeteria worked named Shelly, to be played by Manny, who will sing while she works. To be specific, she will sing something like this: “On these hallowed halls of stone/Make me want to die alone/Look way up into the sky/Degrassi’s name is something something high.” Manny begs them to be kidding, which they’re not, so J.T. get discouraged and quits. Once he’s gone, Manny encourages Liberty to take J.T. back to her place and brainstorm in the hot tub about ways for Manny to not wear a hairnet.

The rehearsal dinner is at a gay bar, where all the men are wearing Dockers and polo shirts. As somewhat of a gay bar aficionado, I feel like it’s my duty to say that men in real gay bars usually take off their shirts about five minutes after they walk in the door. This is clearly the PG version. Ashley’s slutty aunt-to-be walks by, followed by Toby who has no lines. Even though Craig is hot, no one tries to pick him up, which is also a miracle.

Ms. Kerwin walks up to Craig and Ashley and says she needs a moment alone with the maid of honor. It’s a gay bar and there are jokes there, but I’m too bored to make them. Ashley tells her mom that Craig can hear whatever she has to say, but Craig is being all hyper and tells them to talk alone before walking off to devour a handful of snacks. Ash explains that her dad is marrying another man, and she’s dealing with it, so her mom needs to deal with Craig. Except it’s not the same thing, mom says. Ashley goes on to say that Big Gay Dad left Not-Gay Mom for another man, and not only did she forgive him, she’s throwing him a wedding. But Craig broke “my daughter’s heart,” says Mom all teary-eyed. And Ashley forgave him. Mom tries one more time by explaining that they just got Ash put back together again, but Ashley says she’s happy with Craig and takes off after him.

Boys slow dance with boys. Toby dances with Ashley’s mom before ditching her to follow Sally. Craig and Ashley sway together and talk about how amazing everything is. Craig wants to bottle “this, get drunk on it” for the rest of his life. Uh-oh. Ashley says, “I so, so love you,” and as Craig moves in for the kiss, some techno replaces the schmoopy love song. Craig is helpless against its driving rhythm and tells Ashley that he has to leave, just for a little while. She’s confused, but lets him go.

Accompanied by the unce-unce of the music, Craig runs home and digs a ring out of a box hidden in his closet, singing his song “Dust” all the while. Changing into a suit he tries to hurry back to the club, but is interrupted by Caitlin who asks if he’s going to do a lounge act. He explains that the suit is for the wedding – Rehearsal? Wedding? It’s all so confusing. Craig is sweating and acting so strangely that Joey asks if everything is okay. Of course it is! And, in fact, Craig can’t understand what he was thinking before, when he cheated on Manny. Caitlin answers his rhetorical question by saying that sometimes people make mistakes. Which Craig will “never everevereverevereverever” do again. He’s acting like he’s on crack. He says that he’ll help them paint later, but tonight he’s at Marco’s.

At the Big Gay Wedding Rehearsal, couples are slow dancing again. Ashley notes that Craig’s back and wearing a suit. He pulls her aside to talk. And possibly give her his mother’s ring. Ash is being kind of matter-of-fact about the whole thing. “It’s a ring.” “So it’s your mother’s ring.” “Why are you down on one knee”? Craig’s down there to propose, because he is obviously not right in the head in case you’ve been missing the hints. Ash says that she’s sorry, but no, and Craig says he really wants her to, and Ashley says that she can’t. He tries to force the ring on her finger anyway, and when she won’t accept it he yells that he wants her to marry him. He’s all crushed and crying and runs out.

Liberty and J.T. are hanging in the hot tub when out pops little brother Danny from beneath the water, suggesting that in the musical they turn all the teachers into vampires and kill them off one by one. Liberty gives him the old heave-ho and he goes without argument, which is strange because Danny and J.T. were best friends for about one episode. J.T. is tired and pruning and wants to go home. Liberty explains that the entire drama club is going to show up for musical rehearsal, for which J.T. points out there will be no songs. Liberty sings something about radishes being red and round and gross to eat. She sings it again with some soul and J.T. head-bobs along, adding a verse or two. Liberty says they’ll show up tomorrow with their stupid songs and show Radditch what an idiot he’s being. They’ll be rebels, J.T. says. “Rebels who sing,” Liberty adds.

At the Big Gay Wedding Rehearsal, Slutty Aunt-To-Be Sally asks Ashley if Craig let her down easy. She’s disappointed to learn that the conversation didn’t really go that way. Slutty Sally is also Retarded Sally, who doesn’t understand why Ashley would say no to the boy she loves. I could make a list for this, too, but we’re almost at the end here. Ashley says she does love him, she does. She goes searching for her cell phone, but when Sally asks what she’s going to say, Ashley doesn’t answer.

Back at the hotel of hot teen love, Craig is making a mess of things. Literally. While Ashley calls and calls the hotel, Craig is tearing down the curtains, pulling paintings off the walls, knocking the TV onto the floor and panting heavily. The message light on the hotel phone flashes red as Craig sits and gasps for air while “to be continued” comes up on the screen.

Next week: The answer to why Craig’s so wacky these days.

Get the PopGurls character recap here.

As the last notes fade, Craig is hopeful that the song was “tighter.” According to Spinner, the keyboards were off during the bridge, and according to Ashley, the drums were off during the verse. I’m guessing it’s just a matter of time before Spinner calls Ashley “Yoko.” Marco says the song sounds like a tape of whales that his aunt has.

Everyone expositions about the time the band won the big rock-n-roll contest, and were awarded $10,000 in recording studio time. Apparently, they have to go into the studio in the next three days, or they’ll forfeit the opportunity. Pretty much everyone is in agreement that they shouldn’t be crap when they go to record. Marco says what everyone is thinking – they’d be better if Jimmy could play with them and wasn’t still recovering from the school shooting.

Ash thinks that they should try rehearsing the song “Dust,” which just happens to have been written as an apology to her. Spinner snidely points out this fact. He even pokes one of his drumsticks in her general direction. Marco steps up to the plate and says that they’ve come a long way since that song. Except, Craig points out, it’s what won them the contest. They know it works for them. “It worked for you, anyway,” Spinner mutters. They agree to give it a shot, and Spin counts them down with an unfunny wisecrack.

If a bad Degrassi theme song plays alone in the woods, can anyone hear it?

Paige and Hazel walk into the Media Immersion lab. Paige is very upset that there is gum on her chair, and I think she uses the term “disgrossting” to describe it. While we’re making up words, I’d like to say that the trendification of Paige through ridiculous dialog has got to stop. Snake tells her it’s not the end of the world, and she shoots back that it’s watermelon. He looks at her like she’s stupid, because she is.

Hazel thinks that Paige is too high strung and needs to come with her to yoga. They offer it after school in the gym. Paige would rather try retail therapy, but Hazel says it’s the only way she’s dealing with Jimmy’s paralysis from the shooting. Paige immediately cools her jets. She hasn’t asked about Jimmy, or Hazel’s well being, all day. Hazel’s glad the school is offering a way for her to work out her stress, other than talking. Paige warns her not to get sucked into the Cult of Yoga. She’ll wear something, and eat something, and blah blah blah exorcism.

A hot guy name Mr. Oleander comes by to ask Hazel if she’s coming to yoga. Paige calls him “Mr. O” – insert your own orgasm joke here, I’ll get to mine in a minute – and is suddenly interested in finding her inner balance. Turns out, Mr. Orgasmo is the student teacher for Media Immersion. He has floppy hair and a dazzling smile, and today his goal is to teach us about subliminal messages in mainstream media.

Jimmy’s still in a hospital gown, an IV in his arm. After a while, don’t they let you wear your own pajamas? Poor Jimmy. Craig’s bitching that the new song won’t work without him and that Spinner almost walked out of rehearsal. “Yeah. Spinner walks out on a lot of things,” Jimmy says. Craig ignores the remark. He tells Jimmy that Ash wants to do the song from last year. Jimmy perks up at her name. Craig explains that she’s been coming to rehearsals and advising. Both Jimmy and I say, “Is that what you’re calling it these days?”

Craig insists that they’re just friends. Jimmy says he might be crippled, but he’s not blind. Craig is taken aback by the thought that Jimmy’s “crippled.” He’s not. Not for long, says Jimmy, just like Craig and Ash won’t be just friends for long. Craig asks him if he got brain damage, too. There’s nothing going on. No, really! Nothing! Nothing’s going on with him and Ashley! Both Jimmy and I say, “Whatever.”

Time for yoga! Everyone grab a sticky mat! Mr. Orgasmo leads them through the Warrior pose while Paige and Marco check out his ass. “Doesn’t Mr. O. look oh-so-fetching in his yoga pants?” Marco asks her. Paige says that fetching is for dogs, and Mr. Orgasmo is not a dog. Marco shushes her as the object of their desire comes near. He wraps one hand around Paige’s waist and leans into her, telling her to breathe. When he asks her how it feels, she says “amazing” and smiles toothily. “Extra points for smiling,” he murmurs to her. Paige whispers to Hazel that he was flirting with her, but Hazel reminds her that he’s a teacher. Student teacher, duh!

The cameraman pretends to focus on Ashley’s fingers playing the keyboards as an excuse to focus on her breasts. As a woman who often gets leered at in such a way, I recognize it when I see it, yo. Craig is half-singing the words to “Dust” as Ash hammers out a tune. When it’s over, she asks him if he liked it. He thinks she’s a genius. She thinks it’s because the song is brilliant.

Marco interrupts to tell them it’s kind of “pretty.” Hello? Marco, sweetheart, you aren’t exactly butch. He says they’re supposed to be a rock band, so Ash offers that they should pump up the base line a little bit. As they start to discuss it, Spinner appears with Manny. Everything about this scene makes my skin crawl. First, Ash has been playing with the band for a little bit now, and the time for Marco and Spinner to speak up is long past. Second, Spinner is such a fucking little idiot that I want to tear his face off. Third, Manny is earning herself no love from me by not learning from her mistakes. What kind of bitch allows some dumbass like Spinner to drag her to band rehearsal with the guy who got her pregnant and the girl he cheated on to do it?

To make matters worse, Spinner is an hour late, shows no remorse about it, and allows Manny to give him the nickname “Sticks.” Craig wants to know what’s going on. Spinner says that, since the band is open to all chicks, he thought he’d bring his own “amuse.” Manny smiles at Craig like she knows exactly what he’s thinking of her, and doesn’t care. “You mean ‘muse’?” Craig asks him. Spinner couldn’t care less that he’s a moron. He bangs away at his drums while Craig struggles to keep it together.

At the concession stand, Paige is bugging Alex about whether or not it’s possible that Mr. Orgasmo likes her. Because he said, and then Hazel said, but then…Alex tells her that she and Spinner just broke up. It’s okay to be single for 20 minutes. Preach it, girlfriend. “It’s easy for you to say,” Paige says.

At that moment, Mr. O. himself marches up to the counter. “Say what?” he asks her. Paige opens and closes her mouth like a trout, and then tells him that she was going to say how much she hates polyester. Alex watches with amusement. Mr. Orgasmo smiles with dimples, and tells Paige that he was walking by and wanted to say hello to his favorite yoga student. As he walks off, Alex tells Paige to go for it. She says “happened to see his favorite yoga student” is a lame line. Paige sighs moonily.

The band, plus Manny, is in the library. Manny tells Spinner that there’s no such thing as bad publicity, but there is such a thing as a bad shirt. Marco couldn’t agree more. Spinner doesn’t think it matters what he wears, because it’s obvious he and Marco are just the backup band for Ashley and Craig’s Variety Hour. Marco tells him to stop being a drama queen, it’s not like that. Spinner says it’s “like” he and Marco aren’t even in the band. He gestures to Craig and Ashley, standing outside, talking intimately.

The camera swoops in on them. Ash says she knows it’s just an article for the school paper, but it’s still cool. She thinks “they” could go far. The band, she means. Craig stands there awkwardly until Liberty shows up and tells them that her deadline is looming. They follow her into the library and both of them sit on the table behind which Marco and Spinner are sitting, effectively blocking the boys from participating in the interview. Liberty starts to fire off boring questions that beget boring answers. Example: Where do you see your band going? Far, really far.

Craig and Ash split the answers evenly, interrupting whenever Spinner or Marco tries to get a word in. Spinner is pissed and Marco’s getting there. Liberty whips out her camera for a picture. Marco and Spinner are mostly obscured. Manny, however, is recognizable in a big orange cowboy hat. Liberty puts away her notebook and Craig tells her it was “great.” Liberty says it will be an interesting article. As interesting as watching mold grow in the shower, probably.

Enough is enough. Marco and Spinner catch Craig before class, and tell him that they have a problem. Craig agrees they should talk about it, but before anyone can be adult about the situation, Spinner exclaims that Ashley has to go. “Woah, hey, Sticks, slow it down!” Marco says, before leaning into Craig and saying the exact same thing. Ashley isn’t even in the band, they never agreed to it. Craig tries to say that they did, but Spinner cuts him off. The band used to be about them, being manly men. Craig says it can still be about that.

Marco bums everyone out by saying that Ashley lost the contest to them – to Jimmy – and he doesn’t understand why she gets to be on the recording. Recording the single means everything to Craig. As if Spinner cares: He says that Ashley goes or he goes. Marco agrees that Ash must be fired.

In the hallway, Craig rushes up to Ashley. “Remember recording the single?” he asks. How could she forget? He starts to tell her the bad news, but she cuts him off. Misunderstanding what he was going to say, Ash tells him that she’s nervous, too. She says that he’ll be there, so during the recording, she’ll just look over at him and she’ll be fine. Craig has stopped listening to whatever she has to say, and is staring at her lips. He leans forward, and when she doesn’t pull away, he kisses her softly. They stare at each other oddly until Ashley walks away without saying anything. Craig lets out the proverbial breath he didn’t know he was holding.

At The Dot Grill, Marco is telling Craig that he did the right thing, even though it was painful. Now the band can be “just us guys.” The joke’s on Marco, though. Craig is grinning like a loon, and informs them that he and Ashley are back. As in, back together. Spinner thinks it’s strange that Ash wasn’t pissed off when Craig fired her. Which he didn’t do, Marco says. “Like I could kiss her and then do it,” Craig tries to explain. Spin and Marco leave as Craig tells them it isn’t a big deal.

Yoga. Paige is trying to be the best little yoga student she can be, but Mr. Orgasmo refuses to acknowledge her. Instead, he tells Heather Sinclair (whose face we can’t see) that she’s a natural.

After class, Paige whines to Hazel that he didn’t pay any attention to her. Not to sound like a broken record, Hazel says, but Mr. O is a teacher. Paige wants to know how she’s supposed to go for it if he won’t look at her. Maybe she’s not supposed to go for it, Hazel tells her. She and older guys aren’t always a good match.

At just that moment, Mr. Orgasmo comes bounding down the stairs, his hair wet from a shower. Every time someone mentions his name, he appears. He’s talking on the phone to someone named “Charlie.” The sexually ambiguous name has my spidey sense tingling. He agrees to meet “Charlie” at eight o’clock at someplace called Barcraft. Looks like Paige will be needing a fake ID.

In the wreckage of the apartment she shared with Sean, Ellie is advising Ashley to stay away from Craig. Ash says it’s a little late for that. Ellie wasn’t talking about the kiss. She meant “the rest.” Ashley tells her that she thinks Craig is different now. “Guys suck, Ashley,” Ellie says as she tapes up a box. “They enjoy messing with our feelings and then sticking us with the rent. Just don’t come crying to me when he Craigs out on you.” Bitter much, Ellie? She finishes her diatribe and she sticks a label addressed to Sean on a moving box.

Ashley arrives at The Dot and takes a seat at Craig’s table. He asks her if she’s okay, because her text was in all caps. She just wanted to talk before rehearsal. About yesterday. They agree that the kiss took them by surprise and are both confused. Ashley says that they might just be reaching for something familiar, given what has happened with Jimmy and everything. Craig is disappointed, but tries to cover. She says that they’re doing great as friends. “Who’d wanna mess up that?” he asks. Right. Who would? Ashley says that at least they still have the band. Oy.

In line at Barcraft, Hazel is wondering if they have yoga in jail. Paige tells her that their IDs are super-good because Dylan’s dormmate is in the mafia or something. According to Hazel, that means they’ll be both in jail and the witness protection program. It’s like oil, and water, and one other unmixy thing. Paige tells her to breathe out tension, breathe in peace. Hazel grabs Paige’s ID and quizzes her on her fake birthday. She’s a little slow on the uptake, so Hazel dooms her to jail just before the bouncer shows up. He scrutinizes the ID cards and the girls.

Craig is setting up the garage for practice. It’s the last one before they record. Marco and Spinner walk in, and Marco immediately asks where Ashley is. She’s in the kitchen. About that time, Manny walks in carrying a purple tambourine. She’d like a prettier one. Marco covers his face in annoyance. Spinner tells Craig that, since he can do whatever he wants, Spinner is putting Manny on tambourine.

Marco pulls an accordion out of its case and straps it on. “Every man for himself, right Craig?” He’s decided to play that instead. Weren’t they supposed to quit? Ash walks in carrying snacks. It so sucks to be her. Marco tells Craig that he needs to inform Ash of the changes they’ve made in the band. Craig’s at a loss. Ashley doesn’t understand why, if they’re recording tomorrow, they’d make changes at the last minute. “Tell her why, Craig,” Spinner pushes him. When Craig is still silent, Spinner counts down to the song. Marco chimes in on accordion, and Manny steps up with her tambourine. Craig gives in and sings along while Ashley stands in stunned silence.

Inside the bar, Paige and Hazel are giggling over their luck. Paige is overenthusiastic about it until she spies Mr. Orgasmo. He’s drinking a beer, which she declares is “so cute.” And, okay, it’s kind of cute, but it’s mostly his floppy hair. She walks right up to him as if they both come here all the time. She says she loves “this place” and sits down on a stool beside him. She offers to buy him a drink, but the mysterious “Charlie” shows up. “Charlie” is a leggy blond with lots of cleavage, and is also Mr. Orgasmo’s girlfriend. Paige looks crushed.

Mr. Orgasmo introduces Paige to Charlie as a student, and Charlie tells him that Paige is crushing on him. Paige looks horrified. Charlie orders herself a red wine – how classy! – and orders a Shirley Temple for “the kid” because it’s a school night. The bartender looks all squinty-eyed at Paige. Cut to the bouncer throwing Paige and Hazel out into the street. Paige puts on a show for the people waiting in line and says she’s 19 before walking off in a huff.

Recording day! Craig says the studio is uber cool, and Spinner says it’s exactly as they always dreamed. He shakes the tambourine in Craig’s face to show he’s being sarcastic. Craig calls it rock-n-roll roulette. Spinner says it was his choice. Manny looks on in her slutty pink tracksuit, and again I wonder what kind of girl gets involved in something like this. Has she no shame?

Ash arrives a little late because her cab driver got lost. Craig says they’re on the clock, and Marco squeezes a couple of notes out of his accordion to goad Craig. Ashley screws up her face in distaste and says she doesn’t mean to be a diva, but are they really going to record like this? Spinner calls her “your highness” and asks her what she means. I really do fucking hate him this season. Ashley brought him refreshments!

Ashley asks Craig about the tambourine and the accordion, and when he doesn’t say anything, Spinner lures everyone out of the room with free food. Manny says something about cinnamon buns. When they’re gone, Ash wants to know what’s going on. She’s not stupid, he has to tell her. He tells her that she needs to leave the band. The whole band wants it, except for Craig. He tries to explain, but she says it’s just business and leaves.

The boys are in the booth, recording the song “Dust.” Craig’s having some issues, since he wrote the song in the first place to apologize to Ashley for being a jerk, and now he’s gone and done it again. They sound good, though, and Craig looks, well, hot. In a teenaged boy way. Totally. He looks down and sees Ashley’s empty keyboard, and stops playing. He pulls off his headphones and puts down his guitar. He’s had an epiphany. “It was all about Ashley,” he says. “It wasn’t about a single, or making it big. Just Ashley.” He runs out of the studio.

And catches up with her on the street. She must have been walking very slowly. He tells her that he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t record a song that meant so much to them. She punches him in the arm and chastises him for throwing away a good opportunity. “The recording studio will always be there,” he tells her. “But with you, I wasn’t so sure.” Ashley gets a little weepy, but remains quiet. This befuddles Craig so much that he starts to leave her there on the street. She grabs his arm and says, “If you think you’re just going to walk away…” and she kisses him. They agree that they can make it work, without actually using words meaning “make it work” and kiss some more.

2005-01-07

Sean and Ellie are standing in front of a school bus, though it is unclear whether or not they used it to get to school. Sean flips through several newspapers plastered with his face and headlines about how he is a student hero that saved the day. The Degrassi Community School shooting is all over the news. Sean asks Ellie to confirm the coolness of making the front page, and it’s obvious from her answer of “yeah” that she really means, “you have got to be kidding me, but hey, I’ll be supportive because you like my ferret.” She is amazed that it’s Monday and the news outlets are still talking about the shooting. Oh, you sweet Canadians, the U.S. will talk about a school shooting for years and years. A few days should be a blessing.

Cut to Raditch, giving a speech in front of video cameras and TV reporters. “Today is a day of reflection. Counselors will be available, students can talk, express their feelings. After which, it’s important we get things back to normal.” As he’s finishing that sentence, the pushy!insensitive!reporter from “Time Stands Still 2″ runs toward Sean and Ellie. She yells, “Sean Cameron! If I could just talk to you for two minutes on camera.” Ellie grabs Sean by the arm and encourages him to ignore her. Pushy!reporter tells Ellie, “Your boyfriend is a hero. All I want to know is what it feels like.” Sean has a genuinely dumbfounded look on his face as he turns around. He starts to stammer and realizes that girls are looking and pointing at him. Lots of girls, and they aren’t giving him the “go away, greaser” look. Sean looks into the camera and tells the reporter, “I guess I’m about to find out.”

So begins yet another foray into what I like to call “what can go wrong with a theme song when you try too hard to appeal to the youth market” or simply “breaking what isn’t broken.” The theme music is here again.

After commercial, the cameras finds a group of Degrassi’s finest, sitting in a circle. Paige is speaking about how helpless she feels. She is thinking beyond herself though, she’s talking about the possibility that Jimmy will never recover or walk again. Hazel is sobbing into a tissue as Ms. Sauve explains that Jimmy needs hope, and that’s something they can give him. Behind her, Sean is making faces like he is completely bored with the topic at hand.

In another room, Snake is saying that there is no excuse for what Rick did. There’s a Trauma and Grief Counseling Services flip board set up, with the Degrassi Community School logo across the top – which makes me wonder how fast they worked to get that set up. Snake continues on, letting the classroom know that labeling Rick a monster isn’t going to help the students understand why it happened. Toby is the first to speak up: Rick was bullied, really bad. Craig tells Toby not to make Rick the victim. Toby tries to explain himself, saying, “I’m not, just think how he must have felt.” Toby now has the attention of the class.

Snake asks the room, “Do you ever feel that desperate or angry? Then you need to talk to an adult before it reaches a crisis point.” Toby asks the obvious question. “What if nobody listens?” Snake pauses to look at Toby and tells him to keep trying, someone will. Craig asks if they are supposed to rat out their friends, while looking right at Spinner. Spinner gives his typical “oh wait, did I do that?” look before glancing away and realizing this is partially his fault. Snake says that it’s not about getting people in trouble, but getting people out of trouble.

Marco is wearing a painted mask and talking about how he is shaken up and wants to turn back time. Ellie’s across the room, and it becomes clear that Marco isn’t being overly dramatic. Ms. Sauve has set up some sort of grief counseling exercise. Marco passes the mask back to Ms. Sauve, who asks who wants to go next. She picks Sean, asking him to repeat three phrases: I am, I want, I need. He doesn’t want to, but takes the mask while muttering how stupid it is. He puts the mask to his face as he uses the three phrases to express, “I am Sean Cameron. I want some chocolate milk. I need the stupidity to be over.” He laughs as he takes the mask off and hands it back to Ms. Sauve. Everyone else in the room is obviously upset with his answers.

Ms. Sauve tells him that he doesn’t have to use the mask, which honestly is a bit of overkill, but she would still like to hear from him. He explains that he was faced with a situation and he dealt with it, end of story. Ms. Sauve, noticing he is uncomfortable despite the tough guy act he is putting on, lets Sean know it’s perfectly normal for people who witness violence to experience guilt. He is offended by this, and lets her know that he stopped Rick from killing people and he’s sleeping like a baby. She won’t let it go that easy though, and reminds him that Rick did die. Sean simply replies with, “luck of the draw.” He’s had enough of Ms. Sauve and he leaves the gymnasium.

Snake is sitting with his head in his hands, fingers pressed firmly into his eyes. Sean knocks on the door to his classroom and Snake invites him in. He’s glad Sean’s there today and that he’s not going through it alone. Sean asks, “Through what? The bullet missed me.” He paces back and forth as Snake continues, explaining to Sean that he was involved in something horrible and he hopes his friends understand that. Sean says everyone’s been great and as Snake asks if he’s letting himself deal, Ms. Melodrama herself bursts in the room.

“Dad, I can’t take it. Everybody’s staring at me everywhere I go,” cries Emma. She sees Sean and puts her arm on his back, saying his name. She then wraps her arms around him, saying she never got to thank him for saving her life. She cries dramatically and keeps repeating the same words. Sean is looking at her like she’s lost her mind the whole time this is going on; it’s the look he’s been giving most of the student body and faculty all day. Snake tells Sean, “We all need some closure, that’s what today’s all about.” Sean pushes Emma gently back at the waist and walks out of the room. Snake and Emma watch him walk off before Emma looks worriedly back at her dad.

Jay is sitting back against his car and Alex is trying to convince him to go to the counseling session with Sauve. She’s trying to rationalize with him, it’ll only take an hour. Jay says it’s 60 minutes of Sauve going “blah blah, it’s ok to cry.” Alex tells him that he may not need to talk about what happened, but she does, and she walks off. Crazy Jay warns her to watch what she talks about.

Ellie and Sean walk right by Alex, and Ellie is telling Sean he never tried to make the session work. As he’s making fun of the masks, pushy!insensitive!reporter walks up to Sean and asks for the interview. Whether he talks to her or not, she’s going to put together a piece on him. Fed up with the reporter, Ellie tells her to do what she wants because they don’t get cable. As Sean and Ellie walk off, the reporter says the words she knows will catch Sean’s attention. She simply states, “Well, Sean’s mom does. We interviewed her yesterday. She had a lot to say.” Sean and Ellie both turn around shocked.

On a monitor screen, we finally get to see Sean’s parents. They are describing how Sean’s had his problems but nothing like “this kid,” referring to Rick. They kind of remind me of the people you often see being interviewed after a tornado has hit a town – the first locals to describe the twister. Sean and Ellie are watching this in a news van, listening to the interview with the reporter looking on. The reporter is heard on screen asking his parents if it was a surprise to hear that he was a hero. His mother is saying that he always was a strong boy, no fear, and that used to get him in to trouble all the time but it looks like it saved his life this time. Sean looks like this type of critiquing from his mom is nothing new and Ellie looks completely uncomfortable.

On the monitor, the reporter says Sean saved a lot of lives, and of course the mother breaks down into tears almost on cue – saying she couldn’t stop thinking about what if he had shot her Sean. (An aside here – how many rounds of ammo did they think Rick had in his backpack? He saved Emma, Spinner, Alex, and Jay – that’s about it. This wasn’t a Rambo-type backpack Rick was carrying around.) His mother continues to cry. “What if I never got to see my baby again? I miss him. I love him so much.” The anger is evident on Sean’s face as he watches this. He’s surely wondering if he’s the baby she’s referring to, considering she’s been missing for four seasons of the show.

Emma walks outside and notices Jay’s car, its stereo pumping out loud music. He’s leaning against it when he tells her, “Just running the battery, Greenpeace. Pollution free.” She explains that it’s still noise pollution, but that’s not why she’s there. She asks for Sean, and Jay points in the general direction of the news van. Emma is surprised Sean would be talking to the reporter, and at that moment Sean walks out of the van with a monitor over his head and slams it to the ground. Sean walks off from the news van, Ellie trailing behind him. The reporter tells him that his parents clearly love him, and Sean tells her, “I’m full of love today.”

Jay tries to slow him down, and Sean tells him to shut up and move, with the reporter’s cameraman capturing this all on film. Sean tells everyone in the general vicinity he’s driving and tells Ellie to get in to Jay’s car. Ellie want him to just calm down. Sean tells her, “You wanted me to express myself, this is me expressing myself.” Ellie gets in the backseat of the car as Sean turns to Emma. “Emma, are you coming or what?” She thinks about it for all of two seconds before climbing in the backseat with Ellie. Jay gets shotgun, no pun intended. The reporter is standing there, looking at her damaged monitor and Jay asks where they are heading to. Sean says, “Wasaga Beach. Home,” They pull out of the school parking lot.

Danny and J.T. are playing basketball when Toby walks up. He catches the ball and says their names. J.T. says, “Hi” and grabs the ball from Toby. Danny says, “Bye.” Toby tries again, saying he just got Draco’s Quest 2, if they ever wanted to play. The other two boys are making it obvious they don’t want to hang with him, but Toby catches the ball on the rebound again. J.T. tells Toby that he’s trying to cut down, and snatches the ball back. Toby raises his voice a bit, and reminds J.T. that he was there during the shooting. J.T., ever the sensitive one, says to Toby, “So what do you want me to say? Okay, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you became friends with a psycho. You knew what Rick was like.” J.T. turns to walk away, leaving his one-time best friend standing there in shock. Toby yells to him, “I didn’t know he was going to bring a gun to school.” J.T. turns around again to address Toby, “Really?” and then he walks off. Toby is left standing alone on the court.

Wasaga Beach is obviously a tourist spot – people on the beach, kids playing, boats on the water, guys playing football, people shopping, and teenagers buying junk food at the concession stands. Sean and the rest of his traveling companions pull up a long driveway to a small house. Jay, always tactful, asks if it’s a lunchbox or a house. Sean replies that it’s where he was born. Ellie again tells him that maybe he should cool off a bit. Sean reminds her they have been driving for two hours, he’s cool – and he slams the door to Jay’s car for emphasis. Ellie yells to Sean that he’s not cool enough, and Emma jumps in. “Let him go. He should have done this years ago.” Emma’s being a busybody know-it-all? I am shocked!

Sean knocks on the door and his mother yells for the person at the door to “hold their horses.” She opens the door and immediately softens. She tells him that she heard what happened, and as she goes to touch his arm, he pulls away. “I know,” he snarks, “That was quite the performance.” He imitates her from her interview, repeating her words about missing him and how he was her baby. She starts to interrupt but he raises his voice as he tells her, “During the next interview, try telling the truth. Like how you gave up on me, how you booted me out of your life. Stop playing the poor abandoned mother role because nobody’s buying it. Especially not me.” She shakes her head and simply says, “Okay,” and walks back inside the house, shutting the door. Sean turns around to face his friends and takes a deep breath.

Ellie and Emma are being buried in the sand by Jay and Sean. Emma tries to get up and Jay holds her shoulders down a bit, saying, “Yo, Cameron – this sprout’s about to get loose.” Flirting much there Jay and Emma? Sean’s attention is instead on someone who is riding a Jet Ski. The guy pulls up to the beach and Sean can’t take his eyes off him. Jay finally asks, “Who you checking out? All I see is some guy.” Sean tells them the guy is Tyler Bishop. Emma immediately remembers and says, “He’s the kid you deafened.” Sean explains it was in one ear and the guy jumped him – the guy thought he was tough, Sean was tougher. Jay asks, “So he got half deaf while you got sent to Toronto, to Tracker, to student welfare? If you ask me, this guy owes you.” Tyler doesn’t seem to notice them as he puts in his hearing aid and walks off.

Jimmy’s locker is decked out in flowers and homemade cards, including the one that was in front of the school the night of the shooting with his picture and the word “Why?” Toby is looking these over as Manny walks up, noting that she didn’t realize Jimmy had so many friends. Toby reads off some of the names – including the always heard of, but never seen Heather Sinclair – and tells Manny that a lot of those are from strangers. “People who don’t even know Jimmy care about him. My own friends won’t even talk to me,” Toby tells Manny. She puts her hand on his shoulder sympathetically and he continues, “I have to go to Rick’s visitation tonight, but I can’t face his mom.” Manny says he shouldn’t have to go alone, and asks about J.T. Toby says, “What about him?” She looks off, realizing that J.T. is still as immature as she was when she dumped him.

At Wasaga Beach, Tyler is working the Jet Ski rental stand. Jay and Sean head towards him and it’s clear there’s going to be trouble. Jay asks what it’s going to cost to rent one of “these things.” Tyler recognizes Sean immediately and is silent, so Jay takes the opportunity to make a deaf joke. Tyler grabs Jay by the jacket and pushes past him to grab Sean. He’s yelling at Sean that he never thought he’d be stupid enough to come back there. Ellie screams at them to stop it as Jay pulls Tyler off Sean. Tyler starts running his mouth at Sean, telling him that, “The papers think you’re some kind of hero, wrestling gunslingers.” Sean says he didn’t think he could read. Tyler tells him that he saw his picture and recognized the eyebrows.

Sean is visibly trying to cool off as Tyler asks, “Pissed? Go on, sucker punch me in the other ear and flee town. That’s your move, isn’t it?” Sean tells the others it’s time to go. But Tyler doesn’t know when to quit because he says, “Or do you kill and run these days? Because a kid died this time, didn’t he, hero?” Sean rushes up to grab Tyler, but he’s held back by Jay and Ellie. Tyler tells them it’s 60 bucks for 60 minutes. He looks at Sean and says, “It’s free for you, trailer park boy. Wouldn’t want to take your lunch money again.” They walk off from the rental stand with Tyler smiling smugly. I can see why Sean hit the bastard in the first place.

Ellie walks slowly up to Sean, who is decked out in a rather form-fitting bodysuit (which should have a certain group of people squealing), and tells him that it was fun meeting Tyler. Sean never looks back at her, just answers, “Good times.” Ellie goes on to say, “He got a lot off his chest.” She says his name to get his attention. He answers with a “What?” and she continues by saying, “Your stories don’t really mesh.” Sean turns around, shaking his head, and looks at Ellie while saying, “So you believe him?” Ellie stands there, saying she doesn’t know what to believe because she’s trying to understand what he’s going through but he won’t even talk to her.

He walks up to her quickly and tells her angrily, “You want me to talk? Fine. When the gun went off, my hand was covered in warm liquid. I thought I had pissed myself, but I realized I was drenched in Rick’s blood.” Ellie looks shocked and Sean has begun to cry as he continues, “And then when he fell to the…” She tries to touch his arm and says his name again. He pushes her arm away and says, “No.” She screams his name as he runs to the water, grabbing one of the jet skis. He yells at her, “You’re not doing this to me.” She yells his name one more time as he gets on the Jet Ski and takes off.

He’s riding it wildly, in circles and as fast as he can. He doesn’t have much control over the Jet Ski and suddenly he falls off, going head first into the water. Ellie is yelling his name from the beach as Emma and Jay get up. Tyler goes running past them, into the water, which is where the rest of them should have been going considering Sean is floating face down, but hey – let’s leave that to the boy he deafened and not those that care for him. Tyler rides another Jet Ski out to Sean’s and jumps in the water. He swims out to where Sean is and pulls his floating body from the water.

On the beach, Emma and Jay look at Ellie, who is watching the whole thing go down with this kind of shocked look. Tyler pulls Sean onto the shore, and he isn’t conscious. Emma is the first to run up, telling Sean to wake up and massaging his chest. Personally, I think she just wanted the chance to cop a feel while he was wearing the wet suit, but that could just be me. Ellie and Jay run up as Sean rolls over and coughs up some water. He asks what happened. Ellie tells him he nearly drowned, but Tyler saved his life. Sean looks over at Tyler, who is sitting on the beach next to him, and does a floppy hand gesture. Tyler nods in approval. Apparently this is the guy code for, “Okay, we’re all good now, thanks for saving my back.”

Back at the usual hub of teen drama, J.T. and Danny are walking out of the school. Manny yells out J.T.’s name. He answers, “Manny, how are ya?” She tells him she’s alright, “better than a certain best friend of yours.” J.T. says, “Ex-best friend, and that was before he joined forces with Hell Boy, who I know is a superhero, but whatever.” Danny interjects by stating Toby is a geek and always has been. Yes, the boy who uses an ironing board for a diving board and has only J.T. as his immature equal, is calling someone else a geek. Manny tells J.T. what someone has needed to tell him since he hooked up with little Danny boy there, “You out geek them all, James Tiberius Yorke. But Toby was always there for you.”

J.T continues to joke. “Tiberius is a family name, alright?” Manny keeps going. “If you hadn’t ditched him for Webster here, he would have never hooked up with Rick.” J.T. decides to go the smart-ass route by expressing outrage that Manny would lecture him on ditching people. He’s still bitter. She pats him on the shoulder and says, “Now I remember why we broke up. You just can’t be the bigger man.” With that, she walks off and leaves him with his thoughts and Danny. They both watch her go and Danny starts to comment. J.T. tells him, “Don’t say it.”

Sean Cameron fangirl moment begins now, as he sits on the beach with his wet suit halfway off. Emma walks up and shakes him by the shoulder, saying his name to get his attention. She tells him that maybe he needs to see a doctor. He tells her that he’s fine, just thinking. She asks him what he’s thinking about what and he apologizes to her. She asks what for, and he says, “For last year, you know. For everything I put you through. Everything. I’m sorry.” She tells him its ancient history and suggests they should get going. He tells her they have a pit stop to make first and he gets up to leave the beach. (An aside here: Ellie is his girlfriend and yet has spent most of this episode as far away as she can be from him. Emma, on the other hand, has been right there to be “supportive.”)

Sean walks up to his parents’ house again and knocks. This must be the pit stop he was referring to. His father yells, “Door,” to which his mother replies, “You have legs, don’t you?” Ah, the happy household. His mother comes to the door with his father this time. His father says immediately, “So how long till the cops get here?” Sean turns to walk off and his mother grabs him, telling him his father didn’t mean it. Sean tells his dad that he is there with friends, that’s all. His father says, “It’s been over four years, no calls, no nothing, now here you are. You expect us to believe it’s just for kicks?” His mother attempts to make peace by saying, “What I said to that reporter lady, it wasn’t lies. I can’t cry on cue, Sean. I mean, we’ve made a lot of mistakes, but sending you to Toronto, that was the best thing we ever did. How else were we going to keep you out of jail?”

Sean starts to cry and he tells his mom he knows. His dad asks why he’s back. Sean tells his dad, “That kid at school, he was going to shoot my friend.” Sean’s dad is listening instead of being stand-offish as Sean continues, “So I grabbed the gun and it went off. I think…I think…I think I might have killed him.” Sean bursts into major tears as his mother holds him, crying and saying, “Oh Sean.” Sean keeps crying into her arms, telling his parents, “He died. He died. He died.” His father comes up and puts his head against Sean’s. His dad tells him, “It’s okay, kid. It’s alright. You’re home. We got ya.” Sean continues crying as his mom and dad both hold onto him, telling him it’s going to be alright.

Rick’s picture is on top of a casket, and I must add that they could have picked a much better picture of him. That looks like a photo taken during the “Mercy Street” episode where everyone was trying to kick his ass. Was that his student ID photo blown up? Come on now, Mrs. Murray. Do your dead son some justice here.

Speaking of Ms. Murray, Rick’s mom is standing at the casket, her arms across it. People are crying as Toby and Manny walk in together. Toby sees Mrs. Murray at the casket, staring at the picture of Rick and crying. He tells Manny he can’t do this. Manny tells him it’s okay, that he can just leave. As they turn to go, Mrs. Murray is hugging someone and sees them. She yells out to Toby. He turns back around and she walks up and hugs him. Toby briefly hugs her back. She tells him, “You were always such a good friend,” and she cups his face as she says, “such a good friend.”

Toby mouths what appears to be “thank you” when J.T. appears. J.T. tells Rick’s mom that he wanted to say he is very sorry for what happened. Mrs. Murray asks if he was a friend of Rick’s. J.T. looks briefly over at Manny before saying appropriately, “It was a tragedy. I’m very sorry.” Rick’s mom shakes her head and walks up to hug him regardless. She walks back off to care for the rest of the people at the funeral. J.T. turns to Toby and tells him, “It doesn’t matter what I thought of Rick, it still shouldn’t have happened.” Toby nods in approval and walks towards the front of the funeral chapel. Rick’s mom is back at his casket, staring at his picture. Where the hell is Mr. Murray? We never see him, and you would think that despite his busy schedule, his son’s funeral might be a time he took a day off from work. I think most places of employment would understand, “Hey, my son was going to shoot up a school and ended up dying, so I need the day of his funeral off, okay?”

Sean walks away from his parent’s house, his hands jammed in his pockets. He seems surprised to see Ellie waiting for him. He walks up to her and tells her that he told them everything. She suggests that they go back to Toronto. He begins to tell her something and she interrupts by saying, “You’re staying, aren’t you?” Ellie pleads with him, “Sean, please, I love you.” Sean tells her, “I love you, too, but Ellie…” She glances down and asks, “Well, when are you coming back?” Sean looks down and Ellie sighs.

Emma and Jay are hanging back together on the other side of the car, and Jay yells to Sean, “Yo, Cameron – get in the car.” Sean is fighting tears as he says, “I’m staying. I’m staying. For the first time in my life I need to be here with my parents, to deal.” Jay, actually showing some emotion, asks if he is sure about this. Sean nods his head yes, his eyes still tearful. Jay tells him, “Okay man, see ya,” and they hug. Ellie is shaking her head and crying as she gets in the car. Emma looks out from the backseat window at Sean, who immediately tries to put on his tough-guy face as the three pull away without him. He watches them drive off and is nodding his head, as if he has made the right choice, as tears fall down his face. He looks back to his parents’ house, now his house again, as the tears stream down his cheeks.

2004-12-15

Degrassi Junior High came into my life around 1987. I was 11 years old and just happened to be watching PBS when a show about junior high kids came on and rocked my world. I was hooked from that day on, and never missed an episode. I watched through Degrassi High and even ordered the series finale “School’s Out” on VHS for quite a bit of money because PBS refused to air it.

A few years ago, when I heard there was an updated version of the show coming out, I was skeptical. But from the first episode – seeing Emma all grown up and Spike (my idol throughout adolescence) back on screen with Joey, Caitlin, and Snake was enough for me to be hooked again on Degrassi; even if this was the next generation.

When it was announced that the first ever original Degrassi series marathon would be held only 3 1/2 hours from where I lived – and that the event would be hosted by two of the original stars, Pat Mastroianni and Stefan Brogren (Joey Jeremiah and Archie “Snake” Simpson) – I would have sold a kidney on the black market to be there. Luckily for my kidneys, the tickets were only 16 bucks and I was about to see the two guys in person while watching the original Degrassi series for 12 hours. It was an old-school fangirl’s wet dream.

This event was extra special, because even though there have been mall events for Degrassi: The Next Generation, I’m 28 years old. Those events are meant for the younger crowd, and I’ve been dying for something for someone like me, a freak who has watched the show for years and knows every lyric to “Everybody Wants Something.” This event was also being held at Austin’s Downtown Alamo Drafthouse Cinema, a venue that isn’t your average theater. They have drinking games based on the movies they show (see the Degrassi one), have waiters running up and down the aisles, and crowd participation in everything is highly encouraged.

Everybody get ready and get into gear

I asked my best friend Dina, who had never seen a Degrassi episode in her life, to make the drive to Austin with me. My thought was that we would get there, perhaps get an autograph or two (because Pat and Stefan wouldn’t possibly stay all 14 scheduled hours of the event), and have a blast drinking with fellow fans. From the moment we walked in, I knew things were going to be better than I ever expected.

Two men passed by us on the way into the theater, and I had my first embarrassing fangirl moment by yelling, “Oh my god, it’s them!” Dina, who had no clue as to what I was talking about, jumped from my screeching. The guy taking the tickets confirmed it was Pat and Stefan and I stood there staring after them.

We grabbed our seats, picking a location near where I saw the microphones set up. The theater was pretty full of fans, most of them over the age of 20 and just as wound up as I was. On the bars in front of us were Degrassi Sing-A-Long lyric sheets and a description of how to play the Degrassi Drinking Game. At noon, a girl named Kier-la took the mic to open the event. She explained how Tim League, the owner of the Drafthouse, had come to her with the idea to do a Degrassi event, even though he hadn’t seen the show himself. Kier-la is Canadian, and she jumped all over the opportunity to organize it. She told the crowd how every Canadian watched Degrassi, and how the “School’s Out” special is still the highest rated show in Canadian television history. Then she introduced Pat and Stefan, and the crowd went crazy.

The plan was to show Degrassi Junior High, take a break for the Q&A, continue with Degrassi High and then there would be a showing of the series finale “School’s Out.” Pat asked if the finale had ever aired here. I confirmed that it hadn’t for most states, and being the fangirl dork I am, I spoke up and said, “It’s when Caitlin tells you, ‘You were fucking Tessa Campanelli!’” The guys looked at me and then announced to the audience, “That’s right, we get to say fuck in this one!”

The episodes started shortly after and weren’t in order. Keir-la chose episodes she thought would be important, since there wouldn’t have been enough time to show them all. The minute the theme song started, people went wild. Every time Snake or Joey appeared on screen, people would cheer or clap. It was like a Rocky Horror Picture Show viewing. Everyone was participating, screaming at the screen during his or her favorite scenes. (I and a few others broke out into, “I Believe I Can Fly” when Shane jumped off the bridge, and when Wheels hitchhiked and got in the child molester’s car -”You have strong thighs,” the creep says – the crowd yelled for Wheels to run.)

I took a break and walked up to a merchandise table to talk to Pat, who was setting up. Let me just say, this was like a dream come true. I was chitchatting with Joey Jeremiah! I told him how far I had driven and how I had been a fan for a long time. He showed me a DVD he was selling, full of stuff that he and Stefan shot back while they were filming the original show. I bought it for five bucks, and told him that my daughter was really upset she couldn’t be with me today. I explained how she was seven, loved both the old and new series, and had told me sarcastically as I left that she hoped I enjoyed meeting Joey and Snake since I wasn’t taking her. I had picked up three small buttons to buy and he was laughing, calling me a bad Degrassi mom. He threw a button in for her, no charge, for her backpack. For the rest of the event, I was known as the bad Degrassi mom who didn’t bring her kid.

The lights came on briefly as they announced that they would be showing the last episode of Degrassi Junior High before the break. Keir-la announced if anyone had problems with graphic language or content, they might want to go ahead and take a break early because they were also showing a short film, titled “Pizza Shop.” She encouraged the crowd to pick up their song sheets and start singing, since this was the last episode of DJH we were watching. Everyone broke into the theme song as the episode started, some of us standing and singing loudly without using the song sheet.

When the short film started not one person got up to leave. It opened on a black screen, with an audio track of a man verbally abusing his girlfriend. Among other things, he tells her he’s going to kill her. When the couple finally appears, they are sitting in a pizza shop arguing. Stefan is standing nearby with another woman. Eventually, the owner of the shop makes the violent man leave, and the woman he leaves behind begins to ramble. She tells Stefan and his girlfriend how horrible things are, how the man beats her, how she thinks he’s going to kill her. Midway through her story, she turns to Stefan and asks him if he was on Degrassi. He looks shocked but she rambles on, talking about her screwed up relationship, occasionally pausing to tell him how much she loved that song, “Everybody Wants Something.” The boyfriend is outside making scary hand gestures and Stefan is stuck with this obviously cracked out woman as the film ends.

Everybody wants something, they’ll never give up

When the lights came up, Stefan walked to the front of the theater quoting various lines from the show – “You have strong thighs.” “You don’t get pregnant on the first time.” Pat, wearing a Don’t Mess With Texas shirt, said they decided to show “Pizza Shop” because we were probably tired of that “fluff shit.” As it turns out, Stefan’s film reenacted real events. He explained that the situation is comical now, but at the time it was terrifying. His then-girlfriend, who is in the film, didn’t want to do it because she was having a hard time reliving the moment. They show the film at events across Canada, and it’s also being shown at various independent film festivals.

Stefan said they were happy to be in Texas, and that they were amazed people knew who they were. Pat said that Canada has an inferiority complex, so it shocks them to see the reaction in the United States and all over the world. They encouraged everyone to not be shy, to ask questions, and the Q&A began.

The first question was for Stefan. Someone wanted to know how his character got the nickname “Snake.” He explained that none of the cast were professional actors, but kids scouted out from schools. At the audition, Stefan wanted the part of Joey Jeremiah. There were only 5 main characters to cast and 60 kids auditioning, so most people were like “screw this” when they saw the producers spending a lot of time with Pat. At the end of the audition process, each person was handed an envelope. Inside it either said, “Yea! You made it!” or “No, go home.” Stefan said he didn’t even open his envelope and had started to leave when Kit, one of the creators, came up to him. Kit asked him if he played any instruments. Stefan said he played the violin at school. Kit said they’d see him next week at rehearsals. Stefan was stoked, thinking he was Joey Jeremiah. Later they had a meeting with him and said, “You can either be called Snake or Slim.” He went with Snake.

A younger girl asked about the “Accidents Will Happen” episode, and the audience groaned. [Nice to know everyone is as fed up with the topic as I am.-willa] Stefan explained what we already knew, that Viacom (who owns Noggin) decided not to air the episode because of content. Pat said the same thing had happened with Spike’s pregnancy in the original series which he thinks is weird, because Degrassi is almost like a public service announcement. Stefan explained that in Canada, no one said a word. It was like, “Oh well, another girl got an abortion.”

Then it was my turn to ask a question. I confessed to being a big, longtime fan, and Pat teased me by calling me a “bad mom.” I asked them if either of them had any hesitation when they were approached for Degrassi: The Next Generation. Pat joked that he was mostly interested in how much money they would pay him, so I followed up by asking if they were concerned about playing the same characters for so long. Pat explained that he thought he would only be doing the first episode, a kind of passing of the torch to the new series. Stefan’s character would appear as a teacher, and Spike would come back as Emma’s mother. They said they could make Joey a computer repair guy, who would show up every now and then.

Pat told them he wouldn’t let them do such a lame thing to Joey. As much as he would have loved the work (considering there isn’t much acting work in Canada) he wasn’t going to do it. Pat kept his word until they came back to him during Season Two, with the offer of a different storyline. Pat said going back to TNG was like going back to high school again, having that second chance to have fun on the set and be a better actor than he was back then. He’s had the chance to do things with the character of Joey that he never got do in the original series, and now he has the confidence to do them.

Someone asked what they were like back in high school. Pat said he decided to steal a car during the DJH days and for a month he had to find his own way to the set. Everyone else was allowed on the studio van, but he had to find his own way there as punishment. Both explained the set was like summer camp, everyone had assigned chores and they had to do their own cleaning up. Stefan said there were obviously no hair or makeup people on the show. The wardrobe came from Goodwill and Salvation Army, and was divided into milk crates with the character names on them, like “Snake” or “Joey.”

Pat said that today’s set is a different story, but that everyone was close back during the original filming. The friendships portrayed on camera were pretty true to the friendships they had off the set. They also explained how they were paid a flat rate for a week of shooting, regardless of how long they were in an episode or if they were just extras. They looked forward to being extras because they could just goof off in the back and see if the director or anyone noticed them. Stefan mentioned a scene where he and the original actor who played Shane (Bill Parrott) stole a desk. They were shocked, because they were stealing a desk in the background and no one noticed.

Next came the embarrassing romance story. Someone in the crowd asked if anyone had dated off camera. Pat joked that they hooked up, partied together, and then got high. Stefan added, “Then we all took acid and jumped off a bridge.” Pat said that when Joey and Caitlin started dating during DJH, he developed a crush on Stacie Mistysyn. He thought, “If we’re dating on the show, why can’t we date in real life?” Everyone was on the set and he ordered flowers for her. Stefan told us “This does not end well.” They were shooting an outside scene when the flowers were delivered. Immediately all the girls on the set ran to Stacie to ask who sent them. The card read, “I think you’re great and I hope we can be more than friends.” He said he watched her reading the card thinking, “She’s my bitch. Wait, she’s not smiling. She’s got her head in her hand crying.” When there was a moment, Stacie walked over to him and said, “Pat, umm, the flowers were beautiful, but I don’t feel the same way about you.” Someone in the crowd yelled, “There’s always Tessa!” Pat said it was okay because he got Stacie drunk that New Year’s Eve and they fooled around.

Someone asked if kids in Canada really called each other names like “broomhead,” which was prevalent in the original series. Both answered no, and Pat added, “What kind of vulgar language can you air on PBS? Cocksucker? Asshole?” The writers had to make up swear words that sounded bad, like broomhead. The cast hated using the fake words, but they had to because of the script.

The next question was: If Joey and Snake got in a fight, who would win? They both looked at each other, sized each other up, and Pat said that Stefan outweighed him. Stefan said that Pat had the lower advantage and Pat told us about another story. They were on the van on the way back from the set for DJH. Pat explained he had kind of an acne problem back then, and Stefan had made a remark about his zits. Pat said he was fucking pissed, so he slapped Stefan. Stefan joked with us that it was the only physical contact they ever had outside of lovemaking.

My friend Dina had the final question of the night. She asked how was it shooting the show on one day, then going back to school the next. Stefan explained he went to a school for performing arts and you had to list what projects or shows you were on. He wrote down he was doing Degrassi Junior High and his math teacher, Mr. Anderson, called his parents that night asking why Stefan had to go to another “special school” called Degrassi Junior High. He wanted to know about Stefan’s “special” need, and how he could meet them.

Dina then asked if there were fans at their schools after the show had aired. Pat explained that they didn’t have a fan base until after the show went off the air and was in reruns. He said there were fans in Canada during the first run but no one would admit it. Almost every school in Toronto had a kid on DJH, so people didn’t think it was a big deal. Pat said that they don’t treat their local talent/celebrities special at all, but if an American star shows up, people go wild.

They’ll take your money and never give up

The guys then went outside to sign autographs and hawk merchandise. I got in line and Stefan signed my Sing-A-Long sheet and talked to me for a few minutes. I told him how much an event like this meant to a girl who would miss school to catch episodes when she was 11, and that as much fun as the mall tours probably were, I was 28. I explained it was nice to go somewhere to see the original stuff, have the chance to meet them, and have a good time with people a little closer to my age. He said they were having a blast and were hoping to do more of the events.

They started up the behind-the-scenes stuff, the reunion special, and everything else. By the time Degrassi High began, the alcohol-inspired crowd really started getting into it. When Claude arrived to break up Joey and Caitlin, people were booing. When Claude would kiss Caitlin, people gagged and screamed “no!” The best part was during the episode “Showtime Part 1.” Claude was off on a rant after Caitlin had broken up with him, and his poem was rejected for the talent show. Someone in the crowd yelled, “Go whine about it in your LiveJournal.” Seeing as I am a fan of LiveJournal, I yelled back to the guy, “Best comment ever!” When Claude shot himself in the bathroom, people were clapping and cheering. It was insane. Of course, when Snake found his body, people were upset for poor Stefan. They showed the episode where Joey bets people he will streak through the cafeteria and once everyone saw Pat’s ass, there were catcalls and squeals.

Pat and Stefan came back inside to thank everyone for staying the full time. They asked for a show of hands again of how many had seen “School’s Out.” Besides mine, there were just a couple of other hands. The guys were excited, and said they couldn’t wait to hear out reactions to it. Stefan also said he was glad to hear people hated Claude’s character as much as they all did.

“School’s Out” simply blew everyone away. There were quite a few shocked faces when we got to see breasts, Joey getting laid, Snake cussing, and Caitlin saying the now famous words, “You were fucking Tessa Campanelli!” Tessa ends up pregnant and has an abortion, Wheels ends up in jail for drunk driving and killing a baby, and Snake lays out the truth for all his best friends. This end was enough for those fans who never knew what had happened to the Degrassi High characters. I saw people crying in the audience, including my friend Dina – the girl who had never seen one episode before that day.

When it was over, I went out to the lobby because there was one last thing I needed to do. I stepped up to the two guys and asked if they would take their picture with me. When I got between them (like a dirty Joey/Snake dream I’ve had many times) they both started in on me. Pat said, “Here she is, taking pictures to show her pissed-off kiddo what she missed.” Stefan said something similar and got me laughing. I told them they were harsh on the guilt. We took the picture and I got a hug from them both and they thanked me for coming.

After I got in my car, the squealing began. I had spent the past 12 hours watching my favorite show, marathon style, in a theater full of fans. I got to hang out and talk to the men who launched a thousand fantasies, and they were the most personable and nice people one could ever hope meet. I talked to them about things other than Degrassi, and they didn’t blow off me or other fans. I got my picture taken in between the two and snagged a couple of hugs. For this Degrassi fangirl, it was the perfect day.

2004-12-05

Anytime a television show starts with, “The following program contains scenes of violence and therefore parental supervision is advised,” you know you are in for one hell of a ride. This episode doesn’t disappoint.

A set of hands opens up a wooden box, revealing a gun cradled in green velvet. Rick looks down at the gun as he removes his glasses, sniffling and crying from what happened at the Whack Your Brain event. There is still yellow paint and feathers all over his suit – the one his mom hemmed earlier that morning.

At the outdoor lunch tables, Emma is explaining to Toby that they can’t air the quiz show. Toby argues, saying they can cut just before the paint pours on Rick. J.T., who seems to thrive off the suffering of others, interjects and claims the moment is now “officially [his] new favorite mental image.” Toby tells him he wouldn’t think it was so funny if it happened to him. Danny, referring to seeing J.T. covered in paint, says he would think it was funny, and glances off to the side. He does a double take and tells the table, “Speaking of hilarious images…”

He points and the group looks to where Rick is walking up to Degrassi, covered still in the paint and feathers. His hair is matted down and his suit is completely yellow in some places. He’s clutching a backpack to his chest. As he walks by, people laugh at him. Toby asks aloud what he’s doing back at school and turns to Emma to say, “We should go talk to him.” Emma tells him to go right ahead and doesn’t look up from her lunch. J.T. and Danny are laughing as Toby yells Rick’s name and runs to catch him.

Toby is still yelling Rick’s name when he stops in front of him. Toby lets Rick know that Raditch is going to find out who did it. Rick asks, “And what, give them detention?” Toby puts his hand out to stop Rick from walking away. “I’m just saying, I’m sure it’d be cool if you skipped the rest of the day.” Rick waits a moment before saying, “Toby, this is the one time I actually want to be at school.” He brushes past a stunned Toby and walks up the stairs to the building. More people laugh and make chicken noises as he walks by.

Here comes the theme song, which I truly despise more every time I hear it. Why, oh why, did they have to mess with a good thing?

Raditch is on the in-room televisions, ranting about how in 25 years as an educator he has never been so embarrassed to be associated with this school. He tries the guilt approach, scolding the people who were behind the paint incident and telling them they should be ashamed. Alex and Jay are watching in their class, both with the least-ashamed looks I have ever seen – the guilt approach is definitely not working. Raditch continues on, saying the perpetrator or perpetrators will be found out and punished severely. Mrs. Avery looks over her class as Mr. Raditch asks that if anyone has any information that they come speak to him immediately and assures their confidentiality.

Toby walks in late to class as Raditch finishes and Mrs. Avery begins talking about George Orwell’s 1984. J.T. whispers to Toby, asking him how the big yellow loser is. Nice. J.T. continues on, saying he hopes Rick gets the hint and leaves. He tells Toby, “And you’ll have to find a new gamer geek friend.” A fellow student passes Toby an assignment and he tosses it at J.T., who actually looks confused that Toby might be upset by all the nasty comments he’s making.

Spinner is on the basketball court, wearing the same sweatshirt he has had since Season Two, except he’s cut the sleeves off to give it a new look. Can we get Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (or at least Marco) to take a look at this guy’s wardrobe? He’s describing the moment the feathers came down and makes a little kiss-of-perfection gesture before passing the ball to Jimmy. Jimmy tells Spinner to cut the guy some slack, because he’s not that bad. Spinner says, “Yeah, ok,” as he runs around Jimmy with the ball. He sings a jingle – “Oh chicken boy, oh chicken boy; I love your wealth of knowledge and I love you” – and rubs his head on Jimmy’s shoulder while putting his arm around him. Jimmy knocks his hand away and tells him he’s glad Spinner thought this was funny. Spinner says, “Did you see the guy’s face? Definition of funny.”

Jimmy is getting pissed and asks, “What kind of person does that?” Spinner tells Jimmy, mocking Rick’s speaking pattern, “One, a genius and two, if you rat on me…” Spinner walks toward Jimmy and Jimmy gets in his face. He tells Spin, “Or what? No, really, what are you going to do?” Spinner looks around and realizes his goon squad isn’t around to get his back. Jimmy, who is done with Spinner’s crap, takes the basketball and jams it in his stomach. He tells Spinner, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Well, save the bully crap for someone who won’t fight back.” Spinner gasps for air as Jimmy tells him, “And you better do something about it now before I do.” Jimmy starts to walk off, but Spinner slams him in the face with the basketball. Spinner does the typical “bring it on” move and it’s fighting time. Jimmy has Spinner pinned up against a fence before the coach pulls them apart, telling them to save it for the real game (because apparently fighting is what basketball is all about). Jimmy stalks away as Spinner sulks with his busted lip.

The FOR SALE sign is still out in front of the Jeremiah household. Caitlin is desperately trying to convince Joey not to sell the house. Joey says they can either move into a smaller place or lose the dealership. He explains to Caitlin, “If there was a way I could keep both, I would be all over it.” Joey has to get to work, so he kisses Caitlin goodbye and makes sure they are on for coffee later. She says they are and Joey tells her to “Make herself at home – while he still has one.”

Paige is laughing over something someone said, probably a joke about Heather Sinclair, when she notices everyone else is laughing at something else. She looks to see Rick standing in the cafeteria, still clutching his bag tightly and staring at her. Paige, who I love more each episode this season, gets out of her seat and goes up to him. She tells him, “Look, I know we aren’t exactly best friends.” Rick is shaking as his hand goes into the bag and reaches for the gun, slowly edging it out.

Paige keeps talking, no clue as to his intentions. “But I wanted to say that I thought the whole paint and feathers job was sickening.” By the look on her face, it’s a sincere sentiment and she continues, “It was really childish.” Rick seems shocked to hear this coming from her, and he slides the gun back into his bag, pulling his hand away. He looks like he is about to cry and manages to say, “I’m. I’m sorry for hurting Terri.” Paige nods in an approving way and walks off as Rick closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. After this exchange with Paige, he puts his bag in his locker, with the gun still inside, and takes off his paint-covered coat. He takes one last look at his bag, and takes a deep breath before slamming the door.

Sydney is in her office, looking at the Jeremiah house on her computer monitor when she hears, “Knock. Knock.” Caitlin is at her door, and a look of bitterness mixed with surprise is all over Syd’s face when she sees her. Caitlin explains she just got back from her AIDs assignment that morning, only to find Joey’s house for sale with Syd’s name on the sign. Sydney assures her that she’s helping Joey out as a favor with no strings attached, so she doesn’t have to worry about them. Caitlin ignores the snide comment and asks for the selling price. Sydney tells her $400 (thousand) and asks why. Caitlin says, “How does $350 sound?” Syd tells her it sounds like about $50 thousand less than the house is worth. Caitlin counters with $375.

Syd asks if Joey knows Caitlin is going to try to buy his house. Caitlin says he doesn’t and she doesn’t want him to know until it’s a done deal. She asks Syd to tell Joey, if he asks, that it was an anonymous offer. Sydney shakes her head and Caitlin offers her hand out to shake on it. Reluctantly, Sydney shakes the hand of the woman who stole her man. How special. Caitlin remarks, “Sydney, it’s been an unexpected pleasure,” as she pulls her hand back. Syd, who makes Caitlin’s ice queen days seem like summer scorchers, half smiles at her.

Rick is cleaning up in the men’s room, scrubbing his hands and face. He’s gotten a lot of the paint out of his hair and the feathers off his clothes. He looks up at himself in the mirror and closes his eyes, seemingly trying to decide what to do and yet trying not to cry. He puts his glasses back on and looks for more paper towels, but there aren’t any. He walks into one of the stalls, grabs toilet tissue and starts wiping his face, stilling as he hears voices. Rick recognizes Spinner’s voice and hides in the stall, closing the door quickly.

Jay walks in first, followed by Spinner; who is whining that Raditch knows what they did. Jay, being the brighter of the two (and that isn’t saying much), notices the paint and feathers on the sink. Jay says, “About Jimmy? Yeah, I’m surprised no one’s figured it out yet.” Spinner, with his confused look – does he have another? – asks Jay, “Dude?” Crazy Jay points to Rick’s shoes underneath the bathroom stall and continues on, “Jimmy set the whole thing up perfectly. The way he got all those easy sports questions wrong.” Spinner finally catches on and adds, “Yeah, and made sure psycho boy was all alone in the final round.” Jay seals the deal with, “It never would have happened without a man on the inside.”

The two then take off, proud to have come up with a plan so quickly to get themselves off the hook – and to get Jimmy back, by putting the blame on him. As the main door closes, Rick slowly opens the door to the stall, and at that point my friends, you can tell something has snapped in Rick’s mind.

Rick walks down the hallway, once again clutching his backpack. Other students are heading into their classes when Rick walks up to Jimmy’s locker. Jimmy looks Rick over, and asks how he’s holding up. Rick won’t look up at Jimmy but answers with a whispered, “Good.” Jimmy tells Rick he’s surprised to see him there and Rick’s voice changes when he replies, “I bet you are.” This is the pissed-off voice Rick used when he was slapping Terri around. “Look, I’m really sorry about everything, ok?” Jimmy tells him. “If those guys give you any more problems, I’ve got your back.” Rick raises his voice and says, “You stabbed me in the back!” Jimmy is understandably confused, and Rick finally looks Jimmy in the eyes when he says, “You set the whole thing up.”

Jimmy tells Rick he defended him, but Rick is already pulling the gun out of his bag. Jimmy asks if the gun is real. Rick points the gun at Jimmy, saying “The whole time you pretended to be my friend.” Jimmy starts to back away as Rick tries to steady the gun. Rick looks at Jimmy and tells him, “You made me do this.” Jimmy is backing away faster and Rick’s hands are shaking as he keeps the gun pointed at Jimmy. Rick closes his eyes, turns his head, and Jimmy starts to run.

Rick fires the gun. Jimmy screams as he’s hit in the back and falls to the floor. Rick is still pointing the gun at Jimmy, eyes wide, as he realizes what he’s done. He relaxes the gun to his side and stands in the hall, watching Jimmy bleed, as other students run by. Craig appears around another corner, sees Jimmy lying there, and starts to hyperventilate. He drops his bag and tries to say Jimmy’s name while everyone else runs.

Emma, Sean, and Toby have stopped in the hallway. Clichéd as it is, the three decide to see what the commotion is rather than run like everyone else. As they turn the corner into the next hallway, they see Rick. They stop when he turns toward them and starts to approach, calmly. He says, “Hi, Emma. I’m sorry I kissed you.” Sean grabs Emma’s arm and says, “He’s got a gun, okay, let’s go.” Gee, you guys just noticed? It’s not a small gun. Rick screams, “Don’t turn away from me.”

The three stop and turn back around. Rick seems to be fighting back tears as he looks at Emma, saying, “I’m glad I found you, Emma. You made my list.” He raises the gun, his hands more steady now. Toby asks Rick what he’s doing. Rick ignores him and continues on talking to Emma, “You flirted with me. I thought you liked me, but that was something else.” Sean steps toward Rick, telling him to put the gun down, telling him that anything else is just going to make his life worse. Rick tells him it can’t get any worse. Sean still tries to reason with him, saying they can try to figure it all out, inching closer to Rick with each word. Sean puts his hand out for the gun. They can figure this all out, he says again. Rick is crying and tells Sean, “It’s too late.”

Rick raises the gun up at Emma and says, “I already shot someone.” Emma starts sobbing. Sean knocks the gun down and begins to struggle with Rick. Toby screams for them to stop as the gun goes off. Sean and Rick, both looking to be in pain, start to fall to the floor. Emma is holding on to Toby’s arm and sobbing.

Sirens, police dogs, police cars, EMS, and tons of people start to convene outside of Degrassi. Raditch is telling the students to remain in their classrooms and to remain calm. A woman comes running up to the building and the police stop her. It’s Toby’s stepmom (and Ashley’s mom) and they let her in with a police escort. Jimmy is being brought out on a stretcher, unconscious and on oxygen, as they take her in. She recognizes Jimmy immediately and takes off looking for Toby.

Caitlin is waiting for her coffee date with Joey when he comes around the corner. Joey tells her that she’s not going to believe it, but there is an offer already on the house, and at 10 percent above market value. Caitlin realizes Sydney lied to her before about the value of the house, but smiles on for her man, and even throws in a “Go, Sydney.” Joey tells Caitlin he is back in business and with the extra money, he tells Caitlin to name a part of Toronto she’s always wanted to live in. He names off places in Toronto they could move to, but before Caitlin can interrupt he says, “Oh wait, you just bought a house in Riverdale. I may not be the craftiest guy on the corner, but when my house sells in less than a day on the market…”

Caitlin explains she couldn’t let him lose it and he is pissed off, saying he hopes she enjoys the house. She asks him to put aside his male pride for a moment and he says this is about raising his family and his business. And, wait, did she just ask Joey Jeremiah to put aside his male pride for a moment? Yeah, that’s so not going to happen. Caitlin gets a phone call and tells whoever is on the other end she’s on her way. She tells Joey they have to get to Degrassi right away.

Police officers with dogs and men in riot/SWAT gear are roaming the halls of Degrassi with guns. Kids are looking through the windows from the classrooms and yellow police tape hangs across one section of the hallway. Police are marking off the ground in sections. There’s blood on the spot where Jimmy was lying after he was shot.

Sean walks into a room with an EMS technician and Mr. Raditch. Toby is sitting with his stepmom as an officer asks him questions about why Rick would do something like this. Toby gets upset, like he can possibly know something like that! He calls Rick a psycho. The officer asks Toby if Rick was bullied or teased. Toby answers with, “Always, everyday. It was constant.” The officer asked him what his friend did when students teased him, and Toby cuts him off. He yells, “Look, he’s not my friend! He’s a psycho! And he’s not my friend.” Toby starts sobbing into his stepmom’s arms as Sean looks on, alone, with a bandage around his upper arm.

Mr. Simpson is in his classroom pacing, watching the police outside. He looks a tad bit disappointed in Emma, and tells her that Rick needed help. Emma is crying while Spike holds her, and says, “He pointed the gun right at me.” There’s a knock on the door and Mr. Raditch says, “Archie?” Snake tells Raditch he is busy here, if he hasn’t noticed. Raditch apologizes, but then says the police want to get into Rick’s email to look for warning signs.

Snake pushes his seat back and tears in to Raditch something fierce. “Of course, now the groundbreaking 20/20 hindsight policy kicks into gear.” He gets up from his desk and moves to a computer. Raditch obviously isn’t happy with Snake’s response, follows him, and tries to justify what happened by saying, “I have 700 students and a teaching staff I am responsible for every day. Don’t get on my case because one kid over-reacted to some spilled paint.” Snake turns around to face Raditch, who is considerably shorter than him, and says, “Yeah, one kid you have personally spoken to twice in the past two days. But did you listen?” Raditch insists that he did.

Snake starts to really go off, telling Raditch, “I bet you can’t remember a word he said. This tragedy, Dan, it could have been prevented if–” Spike yells Snake’s name and asks if they could do this later. Raditch starts to leave and tells Emma the police are going to want to speak with all the witnesses. Mr. Raditch touches her shoulder as he walks off and apologizes. (FYI: Snake may take this a little personally because he was the one who found Claude’s body in the men’s room after he committed suicide during Degrassi High and didn’t return to Degrassi for some time afterwards. Guess who was principal back then? It was Mr. Raditch.)

Tons of police cars are outside, as well as reporters. Joey and Caitlin are trying to make their way through. The police stop Joey from running up to the building. When Caitlin gives her press credentials, one of the officers is a bit more receptive. She asks what’s going on and the officer explains there was a firearm situation and two gunshots were fired. Joey freaks out and tells the officer that his kid is in there. He tries to push through, but again the officer blocks him. He explains that the school is in lockdown. They are stuck outside.

Paige, Ellie, Hazel, Ashley, and other students are stuck inside. They hate not knowing what is going on. They have to pee, they think it’s an alarm, and Hazel suggests maybe it’s a bomb scare. Ellie tells her that midterm phobia is striking again as we see Paige on her phone in the background. She tells everyone her mom heard there was a shooting. Hazel looks over at Jimmy’s desk and there is a knock at the door.

Hazel looks up as Ms. Sauve enters and asks Hazel to join her in the hall. Ms. Sauve tells Hazel that Jimmy was shot and is on the way to the hospital. Hazel starts to cry, saying “no” over and over before saying she needs to go. Ms. Sauve hugs her, and says the lockdown will be over soon and they will get her there. Okay, so Joey can’t get in to check on his kid, but they are making sure to inform Hazel her boyfriend is hurt during a lockdown? Yeah, okay. I’ll suspend reality for that bit of melodrama.

Students are finally allowed to leave, and Mr. Raditch tells them over the loudspeaker to head straight home. The police, weapons still drawn, are telling students to hurry up. Alex walks out of a classroom and Crazy Jay immediately puts his arm around her, telling her to just relax and everything will be fine. She asks why she went along with his scheme and he says, “I said relax. You’re alive, aren’t you?” Crazy Jay, he has a way with words.

They meet up with Spinner in the hallway and Jay tells Spinner he thought it might have been him that had been shot. Spinner is spazzing as he tells them both, “It was Jimmy, man, Jimmy. They’re going to find out. I have to…” Jay grabs him and pulls him back against some lockers, telling him he has to shut up. Spinner says Jimmy is his best friend. Jay works his way with words again, telling Spin, “Either outcome, he was your best friend.” Spinner tells Jay and Alex that they might have killed Jimmy. Jay shakes Spinner’s shoulders saying that “we” didn’t do anything and Spinner throws him against a wall. Spinner tells Jay, “We did,” and he leaves.

Craig walks out of the building, dazed. Caitlin and Joey yell his name and run to him. They ask him if he’s okay and Craig tells Joey that Jimmy got shot. A news reporter, seeing the family reunion, runs over. She asks Craig if he knew the victim. Craig tells the reporter not to call Jimmy a victim and she continues on asking questions. She asks Craig if he saw the shootings, but before he can answer Caitlin grabs the reporter by the shirt and pushes her back. The reporter tells Caitlin to share the story and Caitlin explains she’s not covering this. She says that Caitlin should then step aside and let her. Caitlin tells her, “Here’s your story for you: Local Insensitive Reporter Pummeled by Famous Colleague.”

The reporter backs off and goes to Toby’s family. She asks Toby, since he was the gunman’s friend, why or who was he after? Toby says he doesn’t know. She then asks if he tried to stop him. Toby yells at her, “What was I supposed to do?” She hits a new high with her insensitivity when she asks him, “Did the gunman say anything before he died?” Toby turns around and says, “He died?”

(FYI: Rick is dead. It was confirmed right there and will be again later on. There are more “Rick’s really alive” theories on the net than there are Elvis sightings lately. Please, let the boy rest in peace. Do you think he’s living in the basement of Degrassi? Just let him go.)

Paige is comforting Hazel when Spinner shows up at the hospital. Paige is crying and shakes her head at him when he tries to approach. Spinner starts crying as Paige gives him an evil glare. He turns and walks away, holding his hand over his face. Paige holds Hazel closer and Hazel starts to sob again.

Toby is sitting near a TV, watching the insensitive journalist report that one student is dead and another is in serious condition. She says the suspect, a 16-year-old boy, was found dead at the scene. She continues on that Rick was a quiet child, one that kept to himself. I think that is the standard line for describing a shooter for reporters – he was a quiet person, kept to himself. That’s all they ever say. Toby’s stepmom tells him that he should turn it off. Spike, who is apparently suffering from memory loss, says, “People do not get shot at Degrassi. They just don’t.” (As much as I hated Claude, he died at Degrassi too, from a gunshot.) Emma tells them they talk about Degrassi like its achieved sainthood, but that it’s just a school.

Snake says, “Look, we just didn’t…none of us took Rick’s bullying serious enough. It would be an understatement to say he was unpopular.” Toby says, “Unpopular?” Ashley decides to jump in with, “How about full-on psycho? Certified freak? The guy made us the lead story on the 6 o’clock news.” Toby slams down the remote and walks off. Ashley’s mom says her name to get her stop talking, but someone has to play the self-righteous role besides Emma sometimes. She keeps going, “He shot Jimmy, mom. I want an answer. Who was this guy who shot him, if not a psycho?” Toby, who was listening to her rant just outside the room, walks out the door, slamming it. Emma says, “He was Toby’s friend.”

(For those of you looking for the beautiful song playing during this next sequence, it’s by Melissa McClelland. It’s called “Rooftop,” off her Stranded in Suburbia CD. There, I have now answered the second most frequently asked question behind “Is Rick really dead?”)

There are flowers and candles outside Degrassi, set up as a memorial. Back at the hospital, Paige is on the phone telling someone there is no change before going to comfort Hazel. Hazel touches the glass window of Jimmy’s ICU room, crying as Paige comes up to hold her. Spinner is in his room on his bed, tapping a drumstick against his body. He finally throws it and starts crying. Sean is on his couch watching the news, where it describes Rick’s win in the Whack Your Brain competition, the paint incident, and the shooting. Ellie sits next to him, rubbing his arm, and puts her head on his shoulder. Craig is watching the news with Joey, Caitlin, and Angela. Caitlin and Joey both are holding on to Craig as the reporter describes the shooting and how no one knows why Rick went after his Whack Your Brain teammates.

In front of Degrassi, more students are holding candles and signs on the steps and around the school grounds. The makeshift memorial is getting bigger. Flowers are on the steps and the camera pans around to show how upset everyone is before stopping on Toby, who is standing there staring. Emma walks up beside him and puts her arm around him. Someone walks up to the steps to put up a poster asking “Why?” There’s one at every school shooting, and this one has Jimmy’s picture on it. Toby sees the poster and looks away, breaking down in Emma’s arms. Toby pulls his head back to fix his glasses, and they both look at the school with tears in their eyes.

2004-12-05

Rick opens the episode, walking up to Degrassi with a smile on his face and wearing an interesting choice of hats: a beret. It works for me, but I can smell trouble from a mile away – and wearing a beret to Degrassi is a bad move. Sure enough, Spinner’s Lovemobile creeps up behind him.

Spinner and Jimmy are both in the car, and Spinner is honking the horn. It is important to note his new haircut, which looks sort of like he got his head caught in a buzz saw – there’s a lot of shaved head, topped with chin-length bangs. Spin yells from his window – “Yo, Richard” – and he pulls up next to him. Rick’s smile disappears as Spinner continues on with, “Hey, buddy. Hey, man, I said hi. It’s rude not to say hi back.” Spinner pulls his car to where Rick can’t walk any further and gets out to head Rick off. Jimmy gets out of the car and walks around behind Rick as Spinner begins what has become the game of the year, Pick On Rick.

Spinner points to the beret and says, “Seriously, what’s that? I mean…” Rick cuts him off with the “hi” that he originally requested. Spinner is momentarily caught off guard, and Rick points out his hair disaster with a smirk. Jimmy yanks Rick’s hat off his head, and then practices his limited French. “New chapeau? Oh man, this is nice.” Spinner starts to mess with Rick’s hair – fixing it for him, if you will. As if Spinner, with his range of Flock of Seagulls haircuts, has the right to “fix” anyone else’s hair. Hello, someone get this boy a mirror and a clue.

Jimmy throws the hat over Rick’s head to Spinner, who starts playing with it. “Hey, this is nice, so soft. Where’d you get it?” Jimmy grabs Rick by the shoulders as Spinner cracks a little joke, “Well, I know where you can find it.” The hat flies into a nearby dumpster. Jimmy pretends to be all broken up about the beret, and Spinner offers to help Rick get it back. Rick jumps up on the edge of the dumpster, and is leaning forward when Spinner points and says, “Oh there,” and Jimmy adds “Is that it?” As Rick leans farther forward, they push him over the edge into the dumpster face first.

The mean boys laugh, and Jimmy tells Rick that he might want to grab a snack while he’s down there. Spinner cackles and implies that tomorrow they’ll torture Rick some more. Rick lays there in the trash, his head thrown back in frustration and anger. He’s obviously trying to stay calm, but one can only wonder how much more he’s going to take.

And on that note, here comes the crappy theme song remix, so aptly titled by willa.

Spinner pulls up to park his still-damaged Lovemobile and the class bell rings. He takes off running to class as Rick sneaks up from behind another vehicle. He takes a can of spray paint out of his bag and shakes it up. Looking around, Rick paints a big black X across the driver’s side window of the Lovemobile. Could this car get any uglier?

Rick takes off for class, constantly looking back over his shoulder. As he turns a corner in the hallway, he runs into Jimmy head on. Jimmy grabs his own arm, telling Rick he might want to watch where he’s going. He calls Rick a loser. Apparently feeling a rush from getting back at Spinner, Rick gets mighty brave and tells Jimmy to “watch where you’re going, Neanderthal.” Rick starts to walk off but Jimmy stops him and is tough right back. “What did you just say?” Before this can go on, the two are interrupted by Snake, who upon careful rewinding can be seen watching the whole thing transpire.

Jimmy smiles and holds up a hall pass in order to avoid getting in any trouble. Archie “Triviameister” Simpson asks Jimmy to name the world’s three longest rivers in order. Jimmy answers correctly with the Nile, Amazon, and the Yangtze. Snake shoots another question at him – most NBA championships. Jimmy answers, “Boston Celtics, why?” Snake says that they have geography and sports covered, and announces that Rick and Jimmy will now be partners for the trivia team. Rick is shocked, SHOCKED.

Snake tells them that the ever-elusive Heather Sinclair has come down with mono. “Her loss is Jimmy’s gain. Welcome to Whack Your Brain.” As Snake walks off, Rick and Jimmy exchange glances that express anything but happiness to be in the same hallway, on the same team, or even the same planet.

Over at the Jeremiah household, there’s a woman (with a passion for pink business wear circa 1989) talking about an open house. She is addressing someone off screen saying, “The day after tomorrow is the open house. You’ll have to clean.” The camera pans to Joey, all dressed up for work. He wants to know what else he needs to do. She starts in about little things, like dusting and vacuuming, perhaps sweeping the floors. Joey interrupts her to stress that he has to sell his home, so she needs to give him more to do than just “spit and shine.”

While the realtor blathers on that the home will be snapped up at the current asking price, Craig slumps down the stairs. Joey excuses himself to ask Craig why he isn’t dressed for school. Craig is coughing and doesn’t look so good. Sniffling, he tells Joey that he has clammy palms and a scratchy throat. Joey lays down the law – if he doesn’t see a fever, Craig is out the door in 10 minutes. Craig grabs Joey’s hand and puts it on his head. Ah, this boy is really sick, unlike the time Spinner faked it.

Joey buys his story, but tells Craig that he can’t watch TV or talk on the phone; he has to rest. Joey informs the realtor (Helen) that he’s sorry, but the meeting has gone on longer than expected. She says they still have things to discuss, but Joey explains that he has a business to get to or he’s finished. As he heads to the door, he tells Helen to please just sell his house.

Toby and Rick are roaming the Degrassi halls when Emma runs up. She tells them that she made flashcards for the trivia team. Should she sort them by category, or just shuffle? Rick informs them that he’s quitting. But the finals are tomorrow! Rick tries to explain to Emma. “We have a new teammate, Jimmy Brooks, AKA my daily tormentor.” Toby tells Rick to ask Snake to rethink his decision, but Rick’s smart and knows that if Jimmy is booted now, he’ll guess it was Rick who made it happen.

Emma thinks that Jimmy and gang give Rick a hard time because they don’t know him. (Good thing Emma stopped to get to know him before she tried to get him kicked out of school, huh?) Rick isn’t impressed with her explanation, but she keeps going. She points out that he came back to Degrassi to prove to people that he had changed. If he works with Jimmy on the team, he can show him that he’s not the guy Jimmy thinks he is.

They turn a corner and Rick points to his locker. It’s covered with signs and letters, one blatantly saying “GO HOME FREAK.” He tells Emma, “You think they want to know who I am? They want to torture me.” Emma walks up and rips off all the signs and throws them on the ground. Littering is a brave move for Miss Environment. Smiling flirtatiously, Emma tells him that they need him on the team. Rick smiles and adds the moment to his “crush on Emma” file.

Rick knocks on Mr. Raditch’s window. Without really getting his attention, Rick tells Raditch that he needs to talk about one of the members of the trivia team. Raditch isn’t interested. “Do I look like I have time for a chat, Richard? Your point?” Rick tries to explain that another student has been expressing his negative personal feelings for Rick through harassment.

“So are you asking me to order this student to like you?” Raditch asks. “Do you really that will resolve matters? Richard, I’ve told you time and time again that it takes two to tango.” Rick tries to say something, but all he gets in is a, “But sir,” before Raditch cuts him off again. “You don’t like him and he doesn’t like you. So I suggest you try harder to get along. Come back if anything serious happens.” Raditch dismisses him with a “That is all,” and a defeated Rick walks out of the office.

Crazy Jay drives up next to Spinner, who is whining to Sean that his Lovemobile must be cursed. Sean yells out, “You, too?” Ah yes, Jay’s car – different than the car he hadlast year – has also been tagged. Jay jumps out of his car all tough and says that someone picked the wrong guys to mess with. “That someone is named Rick Murray,” Alex says. Sean advises them to get the spray paint off the clear coat before it ruins their paint jobs completely. Spinner, who obviously is not the brains of the group, says that he’s going to Raditch instead. Sean mocks him and says that Raditch will want to know why Rick was after them. Jay agrees that they need to keep Raditch out of it. Spinner says that Rick is “going down. He’s toast.”

Toby is getting a drink from a water fountain when Spinner, with Jay and Alex, shows up to ask him where Rick is. As if Toby would tell them. Crazy Jay says, “Hey, wiener, he asked you a question,” and slams Toby’s head down on the water fountain, causing his face to hit the metal mouthpiece. Toby pulls his head back and puts his hand to his lip; he’s bleeding and his glasses have been knocked off. “I thought you were smarter than this,” Spinner says. The three amigos walk off.

Toby walks into trivia practice holding a paper towel to his lip. “Our high tech genius has arrived,” Snake says. “And he’s bleeding.” Toby says it was a skateboard accident. He’s fine. Snake still goes to get him some ice and Toby drops his bag to sit down next to Rick. Jimmy tells Toby to fess up about who smashed his face. “Wish you hit him, Jimmy?” Rick asks. “Miss out on all the fun?”

Jimmy tells Rick to back off, but Rick offers Jimmy a little insight. “I’ve been suffering for weeks. I’m just a big joke to you and your friends. I should just stop it. Toby doesn’t deserve this. Nobody does.” Jimmy looks genuinely concerned about Toby. He might even be considering what Rick just said and thinking about his own participation in the harassment. He leans back in his chair and looks away. He doesn’t look proud to be Jimmy right now.

Poor sick Craig is at home breaking all the rules. He’s on the couch with a remote in his hand, covered with blankets and watching the weather, when Joey comes home. Joey begins to lecture him on the “no TV” rule when Sydney walks in from the kitchen to say hello. Joey drops his briefcase and looks confused while Sydney explains that Craig called her at work. She hands Sick Boy some tea, and Craig asks her how she feels about younger men.

Joey tells Sydney that she looks good, and she says that she’s been good before she cuts to the chase by chastising him for not calling her when he wanted to sell the house. He thought she only sold department stores and banks. Despite the fact that he totally dumped her for Caitlin, Sydney expresses concern that his business is doing so poorly. Joey looks at Craig, who looks up at Joey with the puppy eyes that say “please don’t kill me adoptive dad” (but will have all the fan girls squealing).

Joey wonders how bad Craig made it sound for her to show up after what happened between them. “After that whole viciously-dumping-me-for-Caitlin thing? Come on Joey, we’re not 18.” Sydney looks at Craig and says that her coming was a mistake. As she starts to walk out, Craig tells Joey, “She’s not desperate for the job, let her help.” She tells Joey that it was good to see him and walks right out the door. Craig looks upset and Joey walks off a little angrily.

Snake is standing in front of the Degrassi C.S. Panthers Banner and asks someone to name which poem ends with the line “and miles to go before I sleep”? Rick rings a bell and answers correctly: “Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost. A table is set up for a practice run through for the Whack Your Brain competition, each player’s name on a card in front of them. Jimmy looks at Rick as Snake asks the next question. Which element represented by T-e has also been known to cause garlic breath? Rick rings the bell and again answers correctly: Tellurium.

Jimmy looks over at him approvingly and Snake gives one last question, from the world of sports. Rick hovers his hand over the bell, but lets Jimmy ring in. He answers with a bit of uncertainty. Good old Snake, in true Who Wants To Be A Millionaire type drama, makes them all wait a second before saying, “Four time losers, no wins.” Rick says, “Utility perfected,” as he looks at Jimmy. Jimmy half smiles and shakes his head.

On a definite high from practice, the four team members walk out into the hallway. Rick compliments Jimmy on his amazing trivia skills. Jimmy tells Rick that he was pretty good, too. Sadly, the good times are too good to last, and up walk Spinner and Jay. Spinner greets Jimmy and then addresses Rick, “Hey, dog meat, you’ve got something on your shirt.” Rick falls for the oldest trick in the book and looks down. Silly, silly Rick. Spinner swipes upwards with his finger to hit Rick’s nose. Jimmy tells Spinner and the rest of the clown posse to grow up.

Alex appears from apparently nowhere to throw a jab in at Jimmy by saying. “Oh, Ricky found a friend.” Jimmy, unthreatened, walks by her and says that they should give it a rest, they’re getting boring. The rest of the trivia team walks by the three bullies, who take a page from the bully handbook on how to appear more menacing and group together. Rick decides to let them know what they already know. He turns around and holds his arms up in an X formation, so even someone as clueless as Spinner can figure out it was him who put the X’s on their cars. They seem amazed that he would admit it and exchange shocked looks. Crazy Jay tells him that was a bad move.

A woman is hemming the bottom of someone’s dress slacks. If the woman looks familiar, it’s because she’s Rick’s mom, whom we haven’t seen since the day she dropped him off for school in “Mercy Street”. She’s making sure his suit looks just right for his big day. As she adjusts his clothes she tells him that a year from now, he’ll be the same size as his father. Rick tugs at the collar of his dress shirt and he tells her, “I don’t want a sales job. I never want any job.” The doorbell rings once and she explains that his dad doesn’t like being sent out of town. She calls him “Ricky.” The doorbell rings again and Rick uses it as an excuse to end the conversation.

It’s Toby. Rick lets him in and goes to get his suit jacket. “Hey Toby, are you as excited as Ricky?” Mom asks. “The lights, the cameras, the thrill of performance?” Toby kind of laughs and shrugs a little as Rick’s mother continues. “Ricky tells me that you and your new friends–” Rick interrupts, smiling a really big smile, to clarify the names of his new friends: “Jimmy and Emma.” Rick’s mother says that Rick has told her that they’ve all become inseparable at school. Toby looks confused and questions the inclusion of Jimmy in that list. Rick smiles at Toby and nods while Rick’s mother says that she can’t believe she worried about transferring Rick to another school.

Rick tells his mother that she worries too much, and optimistically says that he and Toby will be running the school soon. Toby looks just about as confused as most viewers are at this point, but he helps Rick out by saying that they’re the coolest. As an aside, this scene sets up Rick as a psychoanalyst’s dream – the mother/son relationship, lack of father, the household setting, and of his wacky perception of reality.

Back at the Jeremiah home, Joey yells for Craig to get up. Craig comes down the stairs and says, “I’m as sick as yesterday. Scratch that. Sicker.” Joey tells him that he has to stay home from work today, too, to get the house ready for the realtor. Craig is not thrilled at the thought of having Joey home with him. Joey flits nervously about the hallway and says, “I might step out briefly and when I get back I don’t want to find Tessa Campanelli sitting on my front doorstep, okay?”

(And, okay. Everyone probably needs a little back story here. Tessa Campanelli is the girl with whom Joey cheated on Caitlin in the “School’s Out” end to the original Degrassi series. In that episode, Caitlin uttered the words, “You were fucking Tessa Campanelli!” Caitlin was so cool that she dropped the f-bomb, way back in the day.)

Back on The Next Generation, Joey tells Craig that he shouldn’t have called Sydney. “How pathetic did you make me sound, huh? Did you tell her we were burning furniture for heat, sleeping on sewer grates, eating out of…” Craig comes down the stairs in changed clothes and grabs his coat. Joey is confused. Craig tells him that he’s going to school – that’s how badly he doesn’t want to be around Joey. Joey, who is overly dramatic, wants to know what Craig is going on about. Craig replies, with the honesty that Joey needs to hear since Caitlin hasn’t been around to give it to him: “Look, sorry if I’m the only one who cares about this place. Joey, you’d sell it for beads. Sydney won’t.” Craig, who really looks sick, walks out the door as Joey stares after him. So many wake-up calls in this episode, so little time.

Outside the school, Rick catches up to Emma. He calls out to her, and when she turns around he says, “My thoughts are on sale today. Two for a penny. You can pay me later.” Emma says okay, but not in a way that means she really wants to hear what he has to say. She’s kind of all about herself, these days. He thanks her for talking to him about Jimmy. “When you speak, I listen,” he says. “You’re my guide.” Emma, apparently oblivious about his crush, doesn’t notice the look Rick is giving her throughout the conversation. She smiles and tells him that she’s glad he made a new friend. He watches her walk away, a smitten look on his face.

Rick is pretty confident about the trivia competition and it’s showing. He walks up to Jimmy – who looks jittery – and the two exchange polite greetings. Rick asks him if he’s nervous and Jimmy lies that he’s not. Rick gives him a look that says he knows better, so Jimmy admits that he is, “a little bit.” Rick tells him that together they will lead the team to new heights of victory. Like Emma, Jimmy’s only response is to say “okay” and then he walks off.

Paige approaches Rick and holds out her open cell phone. She puts it in his hand and says, “Raditch, line one. He wants his suit back.” As much as she was hoping for two snaps and a twist for the little zinger she just threw out, Rick closes her phone with one hand and says, “Take a message,” before handing the phone back and walking off.

In the auditorium, the countdown to the live Whack Your Brain television show is beginning. Toby, Rick, Emma, and Jimmy are behind their podiums, ready to go. The announcer says, “Good morning folks and welcome to the world’s favorite quiz show. We are back to attack your cranium and–” The audience joins in at this point and says, “WHACK YOUR BRAIN!” Wow, world’s favorite, eh? That’s a mighty fine honor there. Way to go Degrassi!

The game begins. It’s Degrassi vs. Northern. Announcer Joe starts off with question one, which is, “In what Canadian city was the telephone invented?” Rick buzzes in first and answers, “That would be Brantford, Ontario.” Announcer Joe says, “You’re on the board!” Rick smiles and does a “Yes!” hand gesture as the audience claps for him. Announcer Joe moves on, “Culture. Name the spicy Spanish vegetable soup, usually served chilled.” Students are watching on the TVs in their classrooms. On one of the TVs, Toby rings in. He answers, “Uh, gazpacho?” Announcer Joe lets him know he’s correct by saying, “Good job.”

The classroom is cheering as the announcer moves on to science “What scientific instrument cuts very thin slices for examination by a microscope?” Mick, a team member for the competition, rings in first. He answers, “A microtone.” Announcer Joe points to Northern and says, “You’re on the board.” The next category is geography and the question is, “What is the geographical term for land between areas of permanent snow and the tree line in artic regions?” Emma and Jimmy look at one another trying to figure it out as another member from Northern rings in with the correct answer – tundra. Disappointment is clear on Rick’s face. The announcer moves on with, “Sports. In tennis, what term describes the ball touching the net and falling into the opponent’s court?” Jimmy rings in and answers, “Let.” The announcer says, “Good job. Degrassi has 30 points.” We see Raditch watching the game from his computer monitor, smiling in a self-congratulatory way.

The next questions move fairly fast, as most game show montages do. Announcer Joe says, “geography” and Rick rings in to give the answer of “Great Circle Route,” which is correct. Emma answers some unknown question with “Franz Ferdinand.” They could have been asked to “name one of the hottest bands of 2004,” but the world will never know. This is why montages suck. Northern rings in at least once because there has to be an impending close race. Mick from Northern is the chosen one who rings in with “Namibia.” Rick rings in one more time, and the round is over.

“Good job!” booms the announcer. “Northern – 180 points. Degrassi – right there with 170 points. Just a reminder, in case of a tie, each team will select one player to compete in the final lightening round. Hands on buzzers, teams. Your last category, sports. Name the first golfer to win the British and the US Open in the same year.” Both teams look back and forth at each other. Jimmy and Rick exchange looks. Rick mouths to Jimmy, “come on.” Jimmy doesn’t know it. No one on the Northern team knows it.

Rick rings in and answers, “Bobby Jones.”

Announcer Joe (his name really is Joe, by the way, we didn’t just make it up) points to Rick and says, “Tie game” and Northern is shocked. Rick pumps his hands in the universal “YEAH!” move and his team swoops in to congratulate him. Emma squeezes his hand. The crowd is clapping, even Crazy Jay. Jimmy and Rick are giving each other a high five as the announcer says, “A short break. When we come back, the final lightening round! Don’t go anywhere.” Jimmy asks Rick if he’s going to take the lightening round for the Degrassi team. Rick is very excited and agrees to do it. The camera pans to where Rick and Emma are still holding hands, and Emma doesn’t seem pleased about it. She pulls her hand back but Rick still looks at her, smiling.

In the boy’s room, Jimmy and Rick do some bonding. Jimmy asks him how he became an encyclopedia. Rick has a lot of time to himself, so he reads a lot. He asks Jimmy what happened with the last sports question, and Jimmy says that he had a brain cramp. Plus, golf is not a sport. They are both laughing when Crazy Jay and Spinner walk in. Spinner actually compliments Rick, saying, “Hey man, that was so sweet. I mean, you are a know-it-all trivia machine.” Jimmy, watching with some apprehension, says that the competition is money in the bank with “my boy right here.” Even Jay joins in on the Rick love. “Nice. Are you doing the lightening round, buddy?” Rick answers in the affirmative with a smile.

Jimmy jokes that it’s probably better that Rick does the round instead of him, and then he walks out of the restroom. Crazy Jay and Spinner block Rick’s way, but only briefly. Rick looks nervous, but Jay assures him, “We’re cool, man.” Rick smiles at them both and leaves the restroom. As the door closes, Jay starts mocking Jimmy and laughing, “Better him than me? Yeah. All right.” Spinner asks Jay if he’s sure Alex can set “this” up. Jay pulls a container from his bag and says that the best thing about dating a student council VP is nobody asks questions. He sets a gallon container on the counter and turns on the faucet.

Joey opens the door to his house and Sydney walks in. She’s sorry she’s late. Joey doesn’t care, he just appreciates that she came. Sydney turns around and says, “Say something else to make me stay.” Joey stumbles over his words. “Um, I need help. Badly. Craig was right. You were right. I should have come to you weeks ago.” She tells him that she could spend years coming up with reasons to hate him, but his family is in trouble. It wasn’t easy for her to come, but she’s willing to help. He sits in front of her and says, “Look, the way we finished, I’m not proud of that.” Sydney glances away and says, “My assistant will be here within an hour to put a sign up in your lawn. I’ll pop by after work, say 5:30?” Joey is surprised that they’re going forward with the open house.

She wants him to create an atmosphere, play some music. Joey perks up at this idea, but Sydney cuts him off. He is not to play the demo tape he used to play all the time from his band. She flakes on the name. He is happy to supply it – The Zit Remedy. Poor Joey. Does he really think “Everybody Wants Something” still works on chicks? I mean, it might work on me, but I’m impressionable at times and if he bought me the right amount of drinks… “No zits, no remedies,” she says. “But a pie, something baking in the oven would be nice.” He says okay and she heads out.

Back to the competition at hand, Northern is competing in the Lightening Round. The announcer asks, “The deepest place on earth?” and Mick, the shining star from Northern team, answers, “The Mariana Trench.” The announcer calls, “Time! Northern with 40 points! Good job! Degrassi, who’s up?” Alex gets up from her seat in the audience and goes off to places unknown but not good. Rick walks to the front of the stage but as he passes Emma, he whispers, “This is all for you.” Ah, the cluelessness seems to be wearing off a bit for Emma now, even if it’s a little late.

Rick makes his way to the middle of the stage and the announcer points to the board and says, “There’s the score you have to beat. 30 seconds on the clock. Time begins now. The Confederation Bridge links Prince Edward Island with what Canadian province?” Rick answers, “New Brunswick.” Correct. The announcer asks, “A minimum of how many games does it take to win a set in tennis?” Rick answers, “7″. Incorrect. The announcer asks, “What was the original home video game console introduced in 1972?” Rick answers, “The Magnavox Odyssey?” Correct. The announcer asks, “Sauron reigned over what territory?” Rick answers with, “Mordor?” Correct. The next question is, “Who spent 27 years in prison before being elected president of South Africa?” Rick answers correctly, “Nelson Mandela.”

And in the final question, because time is running out and I know everyone’s heart is racing, the announcer asks, “In what Robert Bolt play does Sir Thomas Moor face a moral dilemma?” Rick answers, “A Man For All Seasons.” He is of course correct, and the announcer yells, “Time! That’s it! 50 points! Degrassi wins! Degrassi wins!” The crowd claps and yells. Rick’s teammates cheer and give each other high fives. Rick smiles, and it’s a perfect moment for a guy who said he wanted to prove he wasn’t what others thought he was.

As if such a moment can ever last in a place like Degrassi.

In the next moment comes a scene straight from Carrie, minus the pig’s blood. Yellow paint and feathers fall from the ceiling and cover Rick. His hair and shoulders are drenched in the mixture. People stop clapping. Alex sneaks back into her seat. Some people – like Spinner and Alex and Jay – are laughing. The adults in the audience are in shock, as are Rick’s teammates. The camera pans around him, capturing the reactions of the other people on stage, to show just how much paint they dumped on him. Rick looks down at his ruined suit, looking so hurt and embarrassed, especially considering how on cloud nine he was seconds earlier.

Rick is walking down the hall when Emma comes running. She tries to stop him from walking off, by saying that the prank only made the people who did it look juvenile. He tells her that they ruined it. “They ruined it, Emma. They’re life ruiners. Everyone was laughing.” Emma grabs his arm and says, “But nobody’s ever going to forget who won. Who’s the smartest guy in the school, in the whole city.” Rick grabs Emma and kisses her. She pushes him away and asks him what in the hell he thinks he’s doing. He thought she loved him. Emma, in what is probably the last blow his ego can handle, says, “I felt sorry for you. I pitied you.” She shoves the trophy into his hands and tells him to “get a clue.” She brushes off the paint and feathers that rubbed of on her as she runs off, leaving Rick standing in the hallway. He stands there, covered in paint and feathers, completely crushed in every possibly way, clutching his trophy before the camera fades to black.

There’s a for sale sign in front of the Jeremiah house. Joey is cleaning frantically when the doorbell rings. He opens the door and it’s Caitlin. She’s gone around the world in just over 180 days. He kisses her, and in between Caitlin says, “I’m on an emergency hiatus from the AIDS piece. Turmoil in Haiti. So I took the first flight home! Why is Sydney’s name on your lawn?” Joey looks a bit confused as he tries to find a way to explain the situation.

Rick opens his front door. He yells out, “Mother? Father?” No one answers and he waits to walk in. Where was his mother during his big moment at the school? His father was out of town, but where was she? Again, psychoanalyst’s dream. Rick clutches the trophy in his hand and leans against the wall by the door. He looks like he’s been crying. He goes to a tall cabinet in the living room and takes out a wooden box from one of the top shelves. Rick slowly opens the box and inside, cradled in green velvet padding, is a gun. Rick looks as if he is fighting back tears as he takes off his glasses and looks up at the camera.

2004-11-17

At the end of her shift, she counts her paltry tips: $.67. Spinner tells her that she may be poor, but at least she’s pretty. She asks him to tell her that she’s at least making a ding (bad word choice) in what she owes him for wrecking his car. Before he can answer they are interrupted by the manager handing out next week’s schedule. Spinner has to work on Saturday, but Paige never has to work there again. She’s been fired.

(Crappy theme song remix goes here.)

Manny approaches Spinner at his locker and comments on his sunburn from the car wash. Funny, he didn’t have one at the end of that episode. It must be one of those special mystery “delayed” sunburns. It’s important to note that Spinner spends the rest of this scene addressing Manny’s chest. While he ogles her breasts he notices that she didn’t get burned. I guess Manny forgot that last episode she told Spinner she didn’t want to get between him and Paige, because she starts to flirt as shamelessly as she used to with Craig.

In her sexiest voice she tells him that she used sun block with a grease-free moisturizer after. Spin tells her that Paige uses a lavender moisturizer, NOT that he’s close enough to Manny to tell that hers isn’t. So he moves a little closer and sniffs her arm. Just then, Craig rounds a corner and stops to watch them. In his hand is an incriminating picture he took of the two of them at the car wash. Whether or not Spinner would admit it, Craig is actually looking out for him when he interrupts them. Manny turns from Spinner to bat her eyelashes at Craig, while Spinner looks pissed at being caught.

Manny’s class is on the other side of the school, so she takes off. I think she might be under the impression that Craig interrupted because he’s jealous, but that’s totally not the case. Spinner watches her leave and asks if he’s the only one who got burned at the carwash. I don’t think he’s talking about the sun. Craig asks him if he and Paige are still tight, because lately, Spinner’s been spending a lot of time talking with Manny. Spinner asks Craig if he has a point, and when Craig tells him that he just wants to warn him about Manny, Spinner tells him that this year Manny is none of Craig’s business. The two exchange pissy looks as Spinner walks away.

In the Media Immersion Lab, various students are trying out for Degrassi’s trivia team. Among them are Emma, Toby, Rick and Jimmy. Snake tells them all to partner up so that they can do a warm up. Toby wants Emma, but she already has a partner – “Heather,” whom I assume is the oft talked of, never seen, Heather Sinclaire. “Heartbreaking,” Rick says. He had Emma pegged at number three. He has a list. Not a “crass rating system,” it’s a ranking system. Rick types a password into the computer and pulls up a list. The only names I recognize are #1 Ms. Hatzilakos, #2 Heather Sinclaire, #3 Emma Nelson and #4 Manny Santos.

Toby tells Rick that he’s sick to have such a list, but Rick feels that having an organized list helps him realize his goals. He’s not wrong, you know. Snake sneaks up behind the two and asks Toby to name the world’s largest glacier. Toby answers that it’s the Lambert Glacier. Rick says that he’s right, and it’s in Antarctica. The two of them are destined for trivia team partnership.

In the lunchroom, it’s Ashley, Paige and Hazel. Alex walks between them like a lunchroom game of Red Rover, and Paige stumbles into both girls, spilling everyone’s lunch. Spinner and Jimmy laugh from the safety of their table. Spinner tells Paige that she’s the world destroyer, taking two down with one tray. She is not amused. Ever the gentleman, Jimmy goes to get napkins for Hazel while Spinner continues to heckle his so-called girlfriend. He grabs some of her fries and starts stuffing his face.

“Hey, that’s my lunch,” Paige complains. He tells her to put more salt on the fries next time. Hazel starts to admonish him, but Paige comes to his rescue. He endured a year of working at The Dot to earn a car that she totaled in two minutes. She says that he can joke and snack, as she kisses him on the cheek. Spinner looks at Hazel and raises his eyebrows in a way that says, “in your face.”

At the mall, Paige is applying for a job at the theater concession stand. On her application she put that she worked at The Dot, but didn’t say for how long. When the hiring manager questions her, Paige admits that she was a lousy waitress. More than one table, and she couldn’t keep them straight. She thinks the concession line will be perfect for her, because it’s just one customer at a time. (Anyone who’s ever worked in a place like this knows that’s not true.) The manager asks Paige how she feels about teamwork. Paige cheers for teamwork! At least, until she sees Alex working behind the counter. “Go team,” Paige sighs.

Emma’s entering the school when Toby accosts her to tell her she looks pretty. Since when is Emma the hot chick, and not the nerdy protester chick? JT shows up just long enough to make fun of him, and is then never heard from again this episode (unless you count that ridiculous cardboard cutout in the lunchroom). Rick follows on JT’s heels. Toby admits that he too has made a list, but that his goals aren’t realistic. Rick demands to see it, only it’s just in Toby’s head: Emma, Ellie and Hazel. Rick says that Hazel has a “couple of fine attributes.” Ew.

There’s a set of role-playing dice that Rick has had his eye on for oh-so-long. What they need is courage in the form of a bet. The loser buys the dice, the winner gets them. I guess we are to assume that Toby is also into role-playing. Isn’t that what nerds do? Whoever can manage a kiss from any girl on the list before last bell wins. Toby limits “girls” to “Emma” and Rick agrees. They shake on it.

Spinner and Paige are sitting outside the Media Immersion Lab staring at Alex. Spinner is trying to encourage her to go in and talk to Alex about the job. It’s a tough decision, since Paige hates Alex and vice versa. Spinner says it’s the perfect opportunity to make a new friend. Paige begs that her pride in on the line, and Spinner puts a price on it – the price of the destroyed Lovemobile. Powered by guilt, Paige goes in.

Paige tells her that even though they have their issues, Alex has to see how much Paige does around the school. She’s totally employee material. Keeping her eyes on a computer screen, Alex tells her not to worry about it. Paige looks hopeful. Grabbing her bag, Alex looks Paige right in the eye and tells her that she put in a “perfectly bad” word for Paige. Paige looks crushed. She’s wearing too much pink.

In some sort of science lab, all the students are wearing white lab coats. Toby approaches Emma and tells her about the bet. He’s psyched to follow her lead in standing up to Rick, and thinks that winning the bet is the way to go. Emma kisses him on the cheek and then pushes him away. Toby gets in Rick’s face and calls him a loser. Emma is not impressed. She tells Rick that she doesn’t want him to be lonely and kisses him, too. Rick cackles like a maniac as the school bell rings. It’s a tie. Tomorrow, they will have to have another game.

Some extras are doing fancy moves with a basketball in the hallway, while Paige tells Hazel about her disastrous job search. They’re hanging up photos of the car wash in a display case. Hazel tells Paige that she’s better than working at a concession stand in a mall with Alex. “Tell that to the mound ‘o debt I owe Spinner,” Paige says. Flipping through the photos, Hazel tells her that she’s also better than Spinner. Hazel misses the old Paige and the old Spinner, trailing behind obedient and slightly afraid.

Paige reminds her that all that was before she smashed his car. The car of the freak that raped you, Hazel reminds her. She says that a good boyfriend wouldn’t hold her to something like that. Nor would a good boyfriend mack on Manny. Hazel holds up the incriminating photo Craig had earlier. Paige pretends that Manny and Spinner are just friends. Hazel’s look says, “Uh-huh, and I’m sure she was just friends with Craig, girlfriend.”

At The Dot, Spinner is refilling ketchup bottles. Paige storms up to the counter and Spinner tells her that the rule is, when someone’s been fired, they aren’t supposed to just drop in. Paige says that another rule is that “love clutches” are banned with girls who aren’t her. She holds up the picture. Spin says it’s just a hug. She gestures him over and says that hugs come in varying degrees. She leans across the counter, showing him the difference. He bitches about his freak sunburn. All he has to do is tell her that’s it’s nothing. He hesitates, and then uses his boss as an excuse to avoid her altogether.

Ellie is feeding Sean jell-o. Yes, really. She’s even wiping his chin for him, which I find totally disturbing. From across the room, Paige and Hazel watch and comment about them shacking up. Paige says that it’s hard to believe Ellie is beating her in the dating Olympics. “And by more than a nose,” Hazel adds. Spinner and Jimmy are sitting on the other side of the room watching. Paige glares at Spinner and says that he should deny or confirm the Manny thing, but he shouldn’t avoid her all day.

Crazy Jay walks up to Rick in the hallway and says, “slam.” Rick starts to ask what he’s talking about, but Crazy Jay slams him backwards into some lockers and tells him to pay attention next time. Toby gives him a hand up and I am struck briefly by the parallels between this scene and the one earlier with JT and Toby.

Rick says that yesterday’s challenge was too easy. Today, they need to go for quantity, not quality. The winner will now have to get the most kisses before the end of the day. Rick has made up a chart outlining “name, age and location.” I’m not sure what he’s going to do with it. Toby asks him if he’s sure he wants the bet, and Rick asks him if he’s sure he’s not a wuss. Slamming his elbow into the locker, Toby says that Rick will have to be good. Toby complains loudly about his elbow as Manny walks by. She coos at him and wants to know what she can do to make him feel better. He holds out his elbow to get a kiss. Score one for the Jewish kid with the big nose.

At cheerleading practice, Manny screws up a perfectly simple jump. Paige snarks at her. Spinner walks in with a large bouquet of flowers behind his back and wants to talk to Paige. She gives him the cold shoulder, which he totally deserves. He admits that he had guilty thoughts, like the ones Paige had last year about her driver’s ed instructor. The difference is that said instructor was not all over her, half naked and wet at a car wash. Spinner looks sheepish and tells Paige that, even though his mind has wandered, his thoughts always come back to her. She caves and accepts the flowers. She loves them because they aren’t carnations. Just then Paige’s cell phone rings from a number she doesn’t recognize. Turns out, she has a job at the concession stand.

Toby shoves a first-aid dummy into his locker, thereby kicking off a Toby kissing montage. Kisses in health class, kisses in the hallway. Meanwhile, Rick is getting nowhere. He gets blown off by a hot girl in a “You Wish” shirt, and angrily tears up his chart. Toby sees and either a) feels sorry for him or b) is worried that an angry Rick is an abusive Rick. Toby offers some cute ninth grader five bucks to kiss Rick. She feels bad because he’s losing so badly, and also because people keep pushing Rick into lockers. Toby doesn’t tell her why people hate Rick, just forks over the cash.

Rick comes down the stairs and Cute Ninth Grader stops him. She asks him where he got his glasses. Hey, it’s not original, but teenage boys are easy. Rick says he got them at the optometrist. Cute Ninth Grader says that she likes them. Rick smiles sweetly and tells her about the bet. She offers to help, and kisses him on the cheek. Rick blushes as she walks away. Poor, sad, psycho Rick. He’s got moons in his eyes over just one kiss. Crazy Jay watches the exchange from above.

At her locker, Paige primps. For the first time all season, I love her outfit – short skirt, faux retro t-shirt, less frostiness in the eye makeup. Hazel walks up to her and asks if Paige and Spinner are a couple again. Paige says they never stopped being one and gets the patented Hazel Head Shake. If Paige continues to let Spinner treat her like garbage, he’ll keep doing it. “Thank you Oprah, Dr. Phil, and everyone else in the world,” Paige gripes. She tells Hazel to back off unless she wants play-by-plays on her relationship with Jimmy. Paige leaves in a huff, saying she’ll be late for work.

Work. Paige might be bad at this, too. She forgets ice for the drinks, forgets to get popcorn while the drinks are pouring, and spills fake butter on the floor. Co-worker Alex is being surprisingly human about the whole thing. Paige completes her order and offers to help the next customer, who just happens to be Spinner. Jimmy, Marco and Craig accompany him.

Spinner says that he’s there to support Paige on her first shift wearing manmade fibers, and he wants a large popcorn. He asks her to fill it halfway and then put on the fake butter. Then more fake butter. And a little more fake butter. Paige feels humiliated by his demands. She fills up the container with popcorn and Spin asks for more butter. He calls her a “good girl” when she gives him the popcorn. Both Marco and Craig remark on his rudeness. Spinner hands over his money, smirks, and tells Paige that it’s good training for her before he walks off.

Later in the evening, Paige and Alex are cleaning up. Paige asks Alex to make sure she cleaned the “nacho sludge thingy” right. Alex takes a look and says that the fact that Paige cleaned it at all is amazing. Apparently, it’s no worse than cleaning Dylan’s hair out of the bathtub. Mmm…Dylan. Alex throws Paige a bag of Skittles for no reason and says that she thought they hired Paige, not Spinner. “A real sweet guy,” she adds. Paige tells her that usually Spinner is less of a jerk than he was before.

Alex confesses that she used to be afraid of Paige, and Paige protests that she is so not scary. “No, you’re a coward and a suck,” Alex says. “‘Cause if my boyfriend showed up here and treated me that way, I’d be shopping for a new boyfriend.” Paige slouches against a trashcan and thinks about the fact that this is the second time she’s been told to dump Spinner in one day.

After the movie, the boys come arguing out of the theater. Craig says the movie was surreal, and Marco replies that it wasn’t and only would have been had one of the characters been played by a goat. Jimmy mumbles something to which Craig spits “jealousy” in Spinner’s general direction. Spin says that he knew the movie character reminded him of someone. Craig gets all up in Spinner’s fries and Spinner tells him it was just a joke. Craig backs down and Marco looks worried as Spinner approaches Paige. He tells Spinner that Paige has suffered enough.

As if Spinner would ever listen. He asks Paige how the rest of her shift is going and calls her “beauty blossom.” She tells him that if he really wants to help, he can give the girl who lost her license a ride home. He shakes his head and says that she doesn’t get off for another two hours. As Paige looks fed up, Spin walks back to his boys, where Craig is shaking his head.

“And there’s so much to be jealous of,” Craig says. “Your charm, your way with women.” Spinner tells him he’s crazy and Craig shivers and makes an “ooh” noise. Craig is really hot in the frame I just paused on – his hair is thankfully almost curly again! “Nice comeback, genius,” Craig tells him. Spinner slaps Craig on both cheeks and asks if that one was better. It is, clearly, time to throw down.

Paige walks by carrying two bags of trash and tells the boys to watch out for the grossness coming through. Craig ignores her and goes after Spinner, saying that Spin was always jealous of him and Manny. And now, Spinner says, Craig is jealous of Manny and him. The boys push and shove and eventually take each other to the ground. Does this mean the band is broken up? Paige flinches at Spinner’s comment but still tries to break them up. Paige’s manager shows up and tells them that she’s called security. They stop to look at her and she asks if they’re going to wait around for it. The boys run off and the manager tells Paige to hand in her uniform. She’s fired again.

Toby brags about his 11 kisses, which he attributes to his silky cheek. Since some of those girls were practicing CPR and the others thought they were helping kittens, I hardly think they count. Rick just got one kiss, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He’s still all googly eyed. He hands over the dice and says that it’s about quality, not quantity. He says that he now has all the confidence he needs, but as he starts off down the hall, he runs into Crazy Jay.

Jay stalks toward him and Rick runs off, leaving Toby to fend for himself. Crazy Jay says rumor has it that Rick is stalking some 9th grader. He stuffs a protesting Toby into his locker. Toby says that Rick is his friend and he was just trying to save him from humiliation. Crazy Jay shuts the door and says that Rick can’t save him now.

Back in the lunchroom, Alex joins Paige in line. Paige was just hoping that Alex would come by to gloat. Actually, Alex wanted to let Paige know that she talked to the manager and got Paige her job back. What happened wasn’t Paige’s fault, and she has a shift tomorrow. There’s a new Scampie movie, so there will be lots of over-sugared toddlers. Alex tells her not to be late and walks off.

Enter Spinner, who is not half the friend Alex is turning out to be. He apologizes. “For getting me canned on my first shift?” she asks. “No problem.” Spinner expresses surprise that she was fired. Paige tells him that the paycheck is safe, and Spin says that’s not all he cares about. No, he also cares about Manny. Spinner laments that she’s making him the bad guy, putting him back in his place. If anyone has been put in her place lately, it’s Paige.

Spinner tries again to apologize for last night, but Paige tells him to stop. He wants to know why she’s so hung up on this. Because, last night, he wasn’t fighting over her. They’ll figure out some sort of payment schedule, but she’s had enough. She starts to walk away, and Spinner calls after her. She walks back up to him and says that she’s had enough of him. He looks confused as she takes off again, the freeze frame catching her before she can turn back.

2004-11-08

Apparently, staying over until 11 does not mean 11AM. She accuses him of turning the ringer off on the phone, and then mutters that she needs a cab and 10 bucks to pay for it. Sean gropes for the phone and discovers that the ringer is on and no one has called. By “no one” he means Ellie’s drunken excuse for a mother. Ellie makes the excuse that her mother must have lost Sean’s number, but we all know what’s going on.

She starts to run out the door while Sean makes Drunk!Mom comments under his breath. She doesn’t want to talk about it. He says that she’s welcome to stay at his place, and as she starts to close the front door behind her he says that she can stay permanently. As in, move in. Shack up. Live in sin. She arches an eyebrow as the Degrassi theme song assaults my senses.

The bell rings on Ashley and Ellie, talking at Ash’s locker. At least one friendship on this show still makes sense to me. (Emma and Manny and Toby and JT, I’m looking at you.) The girls are discussing men’s deodorant. Ash forgot hers at home, and didn’t want to use her dad’s sport scent. Men’s deodorant gives Ellie a rash. I can only assume she’s borrowed Sean’s a time or two. What’s giving Ashley a rash is that her dad is bringing his life partner to Degrassi’s open house. For christ’s sake, Ash. Your dad came out two seasons ago! Let go of it already.

Ellie drops the bomb that Sean wants her to move in. She adds “cohabitate” to my running list of what to call it. She says that her mom isn’t doing so well lately. Is it bad enough to risk giving her mom a heart attack? Ellie nods. Ash wants to know how Sean is – she actually asks, “How’s Sean?” which doesn’t make that much sense. Ellie just looks serious.

Extras roam the halls while Spinner sits practicing the drums and listening to headphones. Manny walks by carrying a bucket full of sponges and wearing an outfit that manages to cover both her breasts and her stomach. You go, girl. She says hello and then carries on a one-sided conversation when Spin ignores her. She’s about to walk away when a light bulb goes off over her head.

She asks Spinner if he wants to earn major points by helping out with Paige’s spirit squad car wash. In a nice moment of continuity, Spinner reminds her that Paige sort of owes him points, since she went and wrecked his car. She offers him a chance to win points with her then. Insert your own joke about what Spinner can buy with those points here. Seems that Paige is off with the flu – something Spinner knows, as her boyfriend – and Manny is in charge of the car wash. They need to raise a lot of money to get new uniforms.

Spinner draws the conclusion that Manny wants him to wash cars in his wet t-shirt. Ew. What she wants is for him to play with his band. Which is also Craig’s band, as Spinner is quick to point out. Manny doesn’t think it’s such a good idea for her to ask Craig herself, so she decides the next best thing is to get down on her knees in front of his good friend. She offers him “please, with ketchup and gravy and big huge hugs on top.” Again, I say, ew. The gravy seals the deal, and as Manny walks off (her tummy and lower back now exposed) she asks Spinner to also make sure that Craig brings his camera. Spinner is so easy. But…and I can’t believe I’m going to say this…kind of cute.

Ellie isn’t going to move in. Sean is wearing a muscle shirt, and he’s giving good hair, and I’m not sure why she’s resisting. Oh! Her dad has six months of service in the Middle East. She needs to be there in case the call comes in that something has happened to him. Sean makes a crack that her mother would just open her third bottle of booze. Ellie offers that they can do dinners and maybe watch some crappy TV, but she can’t stay longer than that. Sean makes it simple for her. He’s giving her the opportunity to move in with someone who loves her.

There’s a moment of silence while Ellie and I struggle to figure out if this is the first time he’s said those words. It doesn’t matter, though, because she’s not budging. Her mom needs her. Sean gives her a look that says he needs her, too. If you’re not distracted about how his dark eyebrows contrast with his newly blond hair, it’s very sweet. He finishes glue-sticking some pictures to poster board and declares it finished. “Who cares about auto shop anyways?” he asks, before (say it with me) he leaves in a huff.

Extras cram in through the front doors as a sign welcomes all parents to the annual open house. Ellie stands just inside the doors, snapping a rubber band around her wrist. Inside a classroom, Coach Armstrong is telling Spike and Baby Jack that Emma is doing well in math. Except for the polynomials. Spike has new bangs and longer hair, and she looks fantastic. She says that she and math are mortal enemies. The camera pans to Emma, who says that Spike balances her own books at the hair salon, and then the camera continues to pan to Ellie and Drunk!Mom. D!Mom is telling Snake that Ellie must love all her classes, because she spends every night at Sean’s studying. As her name would imply, she is in fact drunk.

Snake is trying to explain what exactly it is students do in his Media Immersion class, but D!Mom cuts him off. She “gets” that his class has to do with media and computers. What she wants to know is if he assigns every project in pairs, because Ellie has been telling her that she has to do her assignments with a partner. Snake fesses up that it’s the exact opposite, and D!Mom gleefully tells Ellie that she “thought so.” On their way out D!Mom calls Snake “Mr. Stanton,” and when he corrects her with “Simpson” she laughs and references the cartoon. Ellie, Snake and I all cringe.

Back in the hall, Ashley is walking with her two dads. You know, I loved that show, My Two Dads. That girl had style. Ash calls out to Ellie, who reintroduces her mother to Ashley who introduces D!Mom to her father and his partner. “Partners, huh? Do you run a business together or is it pairs figure skating?” D!Mom asks. Ash’s dad explains the term “life partners,” which D!Mom understands perfectly well. She gets in a jab that her husband is off fighting for his country, something that they don’t let gay men do. Or do they? Gays could redecorate the enemy into surrender! Everyone laughs uncomfortably and Ellie drags her mother away.

Unfortunately, D!Mom spies Sean near his auto shop demonstration. She was hoping to see him. He’s as polite as possible, but she asks where his parents are and why they aren’t there to see his fine automotive display. He hems and haws that he lives alone. D!Mom snarks that he doesn’t live alone lately. Lately, Ellie has been at his house so much that her mother has forgotten what she looks like. Ellie again attempts to drag her mom away, but Sean can’t leave well enough alone. He tells D!Mom that he cares about Ellie, okay? Not okay. This time it’s Ellie who is dragged away.

In Joey’s garage, the band is rehearsing. In a bizarre twist, Ashley is playing keyboards. When she joined the band is anyone’s guess. Craig is still playing drill seargent and yelling at everyone else for not living up to his standards. Spinner wants to know how they’ll ever get better if all they ever do is rehearse. He thinks they should play another gig. Craig says they’ll play out more when they’re “smoking hot.” Looked in a mirror lately, gorgeous? You’re ready for your debut. Jimmy jokes that they’ll be ready in the 23rd century.

Spin wants them to play a series of small gigs to work them up to “smoking hot.” Ash agrees with him, which is obviously somewhat out of character, because he snaps at her – “Who asked you?” He furrows his brow and realizes that she was supporting him. Craig looks at Ashley and it’s clear he’s only giving in because she suggested it. Spinner comes clean that he already booked them at the spirit squad car wash, and Marco freaks out that they aren’t ready. Clearly, he’s forgotten that they won an unsigned band contest last year.

Craig, Spinner and Ashley vote for the gig, with Jimmy and Marco voting against. Spinner declares that majority wins and says that Manny will be stoked. Both Craig and Ashley bristle at the mention of her name. Craig looks to Ash to make sure she knows it wasn’t his idea. Will they just make out again already? Jimmy says, “speaking of smoking hot…” as we fade into another scene.

The outside of a house. A loud beeping noise. Ellie snaps awake and sits up in bed. We hear her sniffing something out, and when she opens the door to her room the hallway is full of smoke. What follows is a dramatic scene that illustrates how Drunk!Mom, who has passed out in the kitchen with something burning on the stove, is incapable of taking care of her daughter. It’s up to Ellie to shut off the burner, but in her haste she catches the curtains on fire. D!Mom barely wakes up as Ellie drags her out of the smoke-filled house.

In the hospital, Ellie fingers a bandaged wrist while her mom gets dressed. D!Mom says that she must have inhaled a lifetime’s worth of smoke. When Ellie doesn’t laugh at her little non-joke, she implies that she feels guilty enough without Ellie’s silence. It seems that they’ll be staying at “Elaine’s” which is apparently very far away. Ellie doesn’t want to go all the way out there, and so she lies that she’ll stay with Ashley instead. That way, D!Mom won’t have to take her to school each morning. D!Mom buys it.

Sean answers the door wearing nothing but white cotton boxers. Rowr. “Yesterday, you mentioned something about moving in,” Ellie says. After a commercial break, we see Ellie and Sean re-entering Sean’s apartment. His clothes smell like smoke after being at her house. Holding up a CD traveling case, he says that his CD collection has just doubled. However, inside is Ellie’s cutting paraphernalia, not Bon Jovi’s greatest hits.

She takes the case away and muses that they need a pet, something to liven up the place. Not one to be thrown off so easily, Sean says he thought she stopped cutting. She did. She just didn’t want to leave her stuff at home for her mother to find. She promises she’s not lying and that’s enough for him. He’s cleaned out a drawer and space in the closet and sink. Has anyone else forgotten that these kids are barely old enough to drive? Ellie starts to tell him that they need to talk about sex, but Sean is one step ahead. He’ll sleep on the couch, and she’ll take the bed, despite her protests.

At the car wash, Spinner gets his swerve on by squirting scantily clad under-aged girls with the water hose while Craig takes pictures. A mostly naked Manny walks up to her ex boy toy and thanks him for showing up. Never one to turn down a pretty lady, Craig tells her, “any time.” Ash watches from the makeshift stage and pages one horny Craig Manning. Seems like Manny is always watching Craig leave her for Ashley, doesn’t it?

Spinner sidles up beside the rejected Manny and says that if Ashley were any more bitter she’d be a lemon. Out of nowhere, Hazel hits him with a wet sponge, and the water fight is back on. This time, it’s a Manny/Spinner grudge match, and before long they’re all over each other. Soapy, wet and half naked, Manny finds herself bent backwards over the hood of a car, Spinner against her. For a moment Craig watches as if he’ll be jealous, and then shakes his head and turns away.

Ellie’s leaning against Spinner’s drums, talking to Marco. He’s worried about the amount of smoke she inhaled. Aw! Best friends forever! Marco starts to pry about sleeping and showering arrangements. She admits that she showered naked, but alone. He feels that her showering is party-worthy – or at least her happiness is. He declares her young, cute, clean and black lung free. Ellie admits that she can probably talk Sean into throwing a party in her honor.

The band plays a bad ska song. Extras dump soapy water on each other in a sad attempt at washing cars. It goes on and on. Did I mention that the song is bad? I’ve loved every song Craig has ever performed on this show, but this is almost unlistenable. When finally it’s over, Craig mutters to Ashley that the song sucked. Yes! She tells him to keep smiling, because no one else noticed. Except for me.

Randomly, Rick pulls up in a Jetta. His hair looks lovely. Too bad he’s crazy. Hazel asks him what he’s doing there, and he’s says he’s just helping out fellow students. Since she couldn’t possibly take care of herself, Jimmy springs off the stage and tells Rick to “bounce” unless he wants to get washed himself. As Rick drives off with his window down, Jimmy sprays water after the car. Craig cackles and takes a picture.

Spinner walks off the stage and right up to Manny. She tells him that she never realized he was such a good drummer. I’m sure he’s not jealous at all when he says that sometimes it’s hard to see him behind the lead singer (Craig). But not today. She tells him congratulations and gives him a hug so that she can squeeze a sponge onto his back. Chasing, chasing, chasing – which leads to more inappropriate touching. This time when she’s pressed up against a car, Spinner takes the time to gawk at her chest. Not that Manny minds, she smirks at him knowingly and tilts her head up as if she’s asking for a kiss. Craig watches from afar and almost takes a photo of them, but decides at the last minute not to.

Party at Sean’s! Ellie’s walking arm-in-arm with Ashley past a banner that says “Happy House Warming Sean and Ellie.” They join Marco as he chokes on some guacamole. Ellie says that it’s her favorite, and Sean made it for her, so Marco has to be nice. They all laugh.

On the other side of the room, Sean is standing with Crazy Jay and Alex. Jay is saying stupid things about the party, which I’m sure is a surprise to everyone. Alex jokes that, had Ellie’s mom succeeded and burned down the house, it would have been a true “house warming.” Har-dee har har. Jay says that the current gathering is actually a “thank you for all the sex” party, which catches Ellie’s attention. She pouts at Sean and walks away.

When he catches up to her, he apologizes for Jay. Turns out, she doesn’t really care about the sex comment. She doesn’t want to go back to her mom. Sean tells her that she can stay with him. He is wearing a red muscle shirt. I’m beginning to think he doesn’t own any shirts with sleeves. Just as the two are getting ready to snuggle, Drunk!Mom walks right into the apartment wearing the same shirt she was wearing during the fire. The music stops and all the kids stare.

D!Mom says that she went to Ashley’s, and her mom said that Ellie hasn’t been staying there. Because, of course, she’s been staying at Sean’s. D!Mom yells a lot and tells Ellie there is a cab waiting for them. As she’s pushing Ellie toward the door, Sean grabs her arm. He says that it’s better if Ellie stays with him and she slaps him. He’s not to come near her or her daughter again. The crowd gasps. Ellie runs out. Sean exchanges looks with Ashley and Marco.

In the House that Absolut Built, Drunk!Mom is saying that the fire was a blessing. Now they can get new furniture! They can start from scratch! They can paint the kitchen periwinkle blue! Ellie reminds her that she slapped Sean. D!Mom says that he is no good for her. Pot, meet kettle. Ellie snaps the rubber band at her wrist, which gets on D!Mom’s nerves.

Ellie whips out her CD case and dumps the contents on the table; there are several rubber bands, a razor blade and an exacto knife. Ellie tells her mother to pick one. D!Mom asks her what she’s doing, and Ellie says she’s doing what’s best for her. Then she pulls up her sleeves to show her mother the scars from the cutting. If she has to stay there, it will happen again. Her mother’s drinking has made her cut herself. Drunk!Mom cries and cries as the realization sinks in.

Manny’s sitting at The Dot. Spinner approaches to take her order, but she’s not eating. She’s just waiting for Paige. They’re both acting weird and nervous after the gropage at the car wash. Spinner tells her he has other tables. She says that the excitement of yesterday must have gone to her head – to which he agrees – and she says that she wouldn’t want anyone to think that she was being inappropriate. Because it’s not as if she’s gotten between a guy and his girlfriend before.

Paige barges in on the conversation wearing a very poofy scarf. She says she’s been, literally, dying to see them both. She calls Manny her guardian angel and announces that they raised $800 at the car wash for new uniforms. Manny acts like it’s no big deal. Paige heard that the band rocked and kisses Spinner. He says he did it all for her, but grimaces at Manny behind her back as she hugs him.

Sean’s lifting weights. His shirt is gray. It has no sleeves. Also, there is a lot of weight on his bar. Ellie lets herself in and says her mother dropped her off. Before Sean can freak out about D!Mom driving, Ellie says she’s sober for hopefully the next two months. D!Mom is going to rehab and has apparently said that Ellie can stay with Sean. He smiles like a doofus until his attention is drawn to a wriggling pet carrier in Ellie’s hand.

She sets it on the table and takes out a big ferret. Sean calls it a weasel and asks if they should have talked about it first. Ellie says that a home isn’t a home without a pet and holds the squirming ferret out toward Sean. It wriggles and wriggles until it’s caught in the freeze-frame of the final credits.

2004-11-01