This moment was one of the most emotional for me in last nights Parks and Recreation episode, “Leslie and Ben.” April (Aubrey Plaza) and Tom (Aziz Ansari) have presented Leslie (Amy Poehler) and Ben (Adam Scott) with a “Leslie and Ben (and Us!)” scrapbook, complete with City Hall nametags a la Leslie’s birthday present for April in Season Two’s “The Master Plan.” The framed gift that April mocked in the episode where Ben arrived.

Leslie and Ben don’t “aww” and smile and give them hugs — she makes them stop. Leslie (and possibly Amy’s) reaction is to wave them away, because it’s making her cry. It’s all too too much right now — the emotional rollercoaster of the night, the support of their friends to not only throw a wedding together at the gala in two hours but then again a small, intimate surprise wedding in the Parks department. It hit me as hard as Leslie’s Christmas present/new campaign team reveal in “Citizen Knope.”

This teeny tiny moment, a wordless one at that, is one that you don’t see in sitcoms and yet another reason that I love Michael Schur and Alan Yang and the Parks and Recreation writers in trusting that its fans love its characters just as much as they do — and that we feel the emotional truth in everything that lead up to this moment. Not just the evolution of Leslie and Ben’s relationship, but of the friendships that were forged and nurtured and honored in that office.

There was one thing they didn’t nail though, specifically in Season One: the music. The show pulled the aesthetic of using Explosions In The Sky from the movie, which was fine. That was an atmospheric thing, using a Texan rock band. But when they opted to also insert pop music, it was a deeply inaccurate representation of what Texas high school kids would have been listening to.

In the first episode alone You heard a cover of “Black Betty,” songs from Beck and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and, weirdly, Saliva. The one thing they got (almost) right was rising country singer Jake Owen.

From there the season featured way too much indie rock. Songs from TV on the Radio, the Black Keys (circa 2006 before they were as mainstream as they are today), Camera Obscura, Beulah, Kasabian, Iron and Wine, Spoon, the Gossip, Le Tigre, Clinic, Ryan Adams all made the cut. It’s like a list of artists high school students in small town Texas have probably never heard of, more than an appropriate show soundtrack.

Dillon, Texas, the fictional city where the show was set, would have been in West Texas a few hundred miles west of Austin. Best known as The Desert. The middle of nowhere. There were undoubtedly some kids looking to the Internet for cool, outsider music. They were aptly represented by Landry Clark and his band, Crucifictorious.

From the jump off, I was wondering where the country music was. And the hip hop. And the classic rock. Because those genres, by and large, are what would have scored the lives of the kids we saw.

The lack of country music, even used as score, was a massive oversight. It should have been on every time they were in a bar. Every time there was a party in a pasture. Every time someone was driving in a truck. Every time there was a community gathering. Every time someone ate in a restaurant. That’s what goes on in small town Texas establishments, because country music is family safe. It can play in every hardware store, every Alamo Freeze and every Applebee’s in the world without a worry about something not-Christian popping up.

A bit of research would have turned up any number of Texas artists who’d be great to license and very cheaply. Artists who make their entire living touring around Texas, playing every beer joints to BBQ joint, dance hall and gas station that will have them. They’re artists kids in Texas would know know and probably would have been to see. Kevin Fowler, Easton Corbin, Pat Green, Josh Abbott, Rich O’Toole, or the Eli Young Band — these guys make their living on songs about being drunk and covers of rock songs from the 60s, 70s and 80s.

And, by the way, Texans are really proud of their ability to make a living spending most of their time playing exclusively around Texas. It’s a big, important deal to support them to fellow Texans and even small towns will see a concert from Roger Creager twice a year. When the only other thing to do in town is drive in circles around the Alamo Freeze (in real life, the Sonic), you go see Roger Creager.

Instead, when Texas music did make the show, it was of the cooler, Austin-ier/Americana variety: Heartless Bastards, Walter Hyatt, the Gourds. Also appreciated but it’s just not the same.

Thinking like a line producer or music supervisor, hip hop presents a problem for absolutely any production it scores. It is the most difficult and expensive music to clear because of the samples it inevitably includes. They’re a part of the art form, but for every song within a song you add another line to the list of publishers and stakeholders who have to sign off on use of the track – and who could potentially drive the total cost of use up. Having one small publisher hold a track hostage and drive up the price is not unheard of on any music track, but an especially prevalent problem when you’re trying to place hip hop in TV and movies. That can make using even local, homegrown artists prohibitive.

Hip hop also has a higher price tag because of its popularity. If you want to get a track from Eminem, Jay-Z, Kanye West, Snoop Dogg – you’ll have to pay a premium because they’re among the most successful artists in the world. But 2006 also saw throw away hits from Chamillionaire, Chingy, Akon, E-40 and any number of tracks that might have cleared at a lower price point. If hip hop didn’t make it to the show because it cost too much, someone should have done a better job planning the music budget. But having a television show that featured the mash up of black and white cultures in high school football and not using hip hop music as a point of mutual agreement is a massive oversight.

It’s a hard balance to use so much Explosions In The Sky and other ambient music, which is exclusively what the film used, and mix in popular music. But Friday Night Lights did feature one of the biggest songs of 2006, Justin Timberlake‘s “SexyBack” with two appearances in the season, as well as one Rihanna non-hit.

Here’s the thing: in small town Texas, high school students aren’t that cool. The show did such a great job writing their worldview. It could have done a better job reflecting it aurally.

Texas forever.

A version of this originally appeared on thecourtneyesmith.tumblr.com

SURPRISE! NBC has added a last-minute comedy series to its fall lineup! Think Fast follows a Chicago slacker (John Mulaney) who, after losing his license and his job after a DUI, is forced to move in with and work for his stepbrother (Rob Riggle), the head coach for the Chicago Bulls.

People were excited by the idea — including a news outlet that reported it as fact. Since we love Liz’s brain of awesome madness, we asked her for more of her brilliant, yet not quite scripted, creations. Aspiring producers — take note: Screw The Black List scripts — these are the ten movies that you NEED to make.

1. Debate and Switch

Nick Apponetta (Bill Hader) is a politics geek of the highest rank. He’s also the runaway star of GlobeWeekly, a satirical political sketch show on which he’s best known for his wildly acclaimed impersonation of sleazy, motormouthed vice-presidential candidate Senator Wes Williams (Bill Hader), whom he just happens to look exactly like. But Nick has always dreamed of getting into politics for real — and while he sticks to the show’s claim that “we just make fun of the news, we don’t make it,” he still yearns for campaign buses, VFW fundraisers, and town hall debates. So when Senator Williams appears on GlobeWeekly for a sneaker-upper sketch and jokes backstage that he and Nick should just switch places for the rest of the campaign, Nick immediately jumps on board with the idea. The plan goes off without a hitch initially: Nick uses his surprisingly deep knowledge of current affairs to actually win the VP debate, while Senator Williams isn’t too lame a hand in the GlobeWeekly writers room. They manage to fool each others’ significant others (though Williams throws a hitch into the plan when he proposes to the girl Nick had planned to break up with), and even presidential candidate Governor Bob Beaumont (Paul Giamatti) believes their ruse. But two people aren’t buying the act — GlobeWeekly head writer Janet Campbell (Parker Posey) and Willams’ speechwriter, razor-sharp Harvard grad Zooey Fareedi (Nasim Pedrad). And when their scheme begins to unravel, thanks to a nosy New York Times reporter (Elijah Wood), there’s no telling what will happen…

2. Scandalwood
Five years ago, Archer Halsey (Paul Rudd) quit his thankless job at FEMA to do something less useful with his life. Rather than spending another year helping rebuild cities after natural disasters, he moved to Los Angeles and started a celebrity crisis management firm, helping stars recover after career and PR missteps. Since its inception, Halsey CCM has amassed a crack team of public relations experts, including his brash, blunt former Capitol Hill coworker Diane Baylor (Allison Janney), a well-connected, fast-talking Beverly Hills-born-and-bred celebrity publicist, Cori Griffith (Rashida Jones), and quirky, soft-spoken gay romantic Nolan Peters (Lee Pace). Together, they’ve managed to save the careers of vacant, substance-addled paparazzi princesses, overpaid, mentally ill sitcom stars, and well-liked Hollywood stars whose marriages fall apart due to audacious affairs with dozens of women. But when Chuck Finn (Jeff Bridges), a beloved American movie star with a squeaky-clean reputation, begins a self-destructive spiral of offensive comments and all-around reprehensible misbehavior, the team is faced with their most challenging case yet.

3. I Hate Your Fiancée
What do you do when your best friend gets engaged to someone you can’t stand? That’s the big problem facing Jenny (Lizzy Caplan), Ella (Mindy Kaling), and Brian (James Franco), after their longtime friend Drew (Andy Samberg) spontaneously pops the question to his new girlfriend, Parker (Levin Rambin). Drew’s determination to make finicky, privileged Parker a part of the gang drives a wedge between them — from bringing her on a disastrous road trip to attempting a double-date with Brian, a bitter child of divorce who already resents the prospect of losing his best friend to marriage. Meanwhile, Parker’s obsession with planning the perfect wedding is getting to Jenny (stuck in a dead-end relationship and still harboring unresolved feelings for Drew) and Ella (reeling from a recent breakup and ready to puke at the sight of a white dress). Consider this the anti-romantic comedy — or a movie for anyone who’s ever lost a formerly fun friend to the world of holy matrimony.

4. Alien Nation
Men in Black? Please. Agents Silver (Robert Downey, Jr.) and Bix (Stephen Colbert) don’t wipe memories, battle aliens, or have access to top-secret government files. Mostly because they aren’t actually allowed. They failed that test, and then the Will Smith movie pretty much ruined their lives. Instead, Bix and Silver are “field agents” working for the Air Force Special Activities Center — meaning that they mostly deal with crackpots and people who’ve made up UFO stories to get on the news. It’s a thankless job, they’re the laughingstock of their department, and to add insult to injury, they’re constantly embattled with a fringe ufology group, whose leader Rick (Fred Armisen) even thinks Bix and Silver are idiots. But when they meet Amanda (Karen Gillan), a terrified Scottish tourist who is convinced she witnessed an actual extraterrestrial spaceship crash in the Rocky Mountains, they can’t help believing that there may be something to her story. Unfortunately, these aliens aren’t exactly friendly — and it’s up to Bix and Silver to prove to the Air Force that not only is this a legitimate threat, but that they’re the men for the job.

5. Me Again
Bride-to-be Jane (Emily Blunt), suddenly stricken with cold feet on the eve of her wedding to ordinary guy Joe (Ed Helms), fakes her own death — and then claims to have been revived and reincarnated with a completely new soul. Now she can’t possibly be pushed into marrying this “complete stranger,” no? The plot thickens, however, when The Case of the Reincarnated Bride makes national headlines and Simon (Ewan McGregor) comes forward, hoping that she’s carrying the soul of his late girlfriend, who died in a car crash on the night of Jane’s wedding hoax. She goes along with it, but inevitably starts falling for him… as herself. Complications ensue!

6. They Travel By Night
Something is happening in Kings Cove, Maine. A mysterious illness is spreading through the town, affecting only teenagers and rendering most of them bedridden, with hacking coughs, rattled breathing, and skin that reacts violently when exposed to light. Local doctors think it’s an outbreak of mono. Rachael Denberg (Chloe Moretz) knows otherwise. She’s not sure what’s causing her classmates’ severe symptoms, but she’s sure it has to do with Holly (Maisie Williams), a strange and quiet European exchange student who arrived at their high school just before the outbreak started. But when Rachael starts seeing mysterious figures wandering the town late at night, no one believes her — and it’s up to her to save her own life, as well as the ones of those around her.

7. Jakova
Jakova Radovánov (Tilda Swinton) wakes up in a New York City hospital with 24 hours until she is set to be deported her native Hungary for a slew of murders she has no memory of committing. The problem? She’s not Hungarian, and her name isn’t Jakova Radovánov — it’s Ellen Mitchell, and she’s an American academic married to a wealthy doctor (Paul Giamatti). After escaping from the hospital room, Ellen enters into a frantic, terrifying game of cat-and-mouse between herself, her C.I.A. handler (Sharlto Copley), and the real Jakova (Diane Kruger), an Eastern European assassin who isn’t quite “right” mentally, and in the process uncovers a terrifying government conspiracy headed by a famously eccentric billionaire (Christopher Walken).

8. The Split
Jon and Carolyn Kirkman (Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey) have the perfect marriage: a beautiful Brooklyn house, a gifted son (Kodi Smit-McPhee), tons of disposable income, you name it. And yet they can’t stand each other. So when they cheerfully announce their impending divorce at a yacht party meant to celebrate their anniversary, their acquaintances are stunned and stricken to lose the joint rocks at the center of their social circle — all but their happily divorced best friends, Peter and Jillian Randall (Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler). The ex-Randalls become wrapped up in the Kirkmans’ divorce while trying to help their friends through this difficult time in their lives, and when sparks fly between two unexpected people, the result is a delicious farce.

9. No Children
Kevin Moylan (Charlie Day) and Laurie Stewart-Moylan (Ellie Kemper) are the perfect couple. He’s a writer; she’s a greeting card designer. They share a gorgeous apartment in the West Village, travel the world, sleep late, and buy whatever they want while still living comfortably within their means. Their French bulldogs, Sullivan and Miss Piggy, are their most beloved companions. And by no means do they want children. This, of course, hardly sits well with their families. After all, Kevin’s younger sister Gabby (Zooey Deschanel) is an earthy Park Slope supermom, living in happily-married vegan, unvaccinated paradise with husband Jensen (Jake Gyllenhaal) and their twins, while Laurie’s eldest sister Lila (Isla Fisher), a seemingly ageless Upper East Side mom-of-three, sings the praises of parenthood while a cavalry of nannies and au pairs keep her kids from realizing Mommy and dad Bradford (John Slattery) are on the verge of a nasty divorce. After three years of marriage and seven years of cohabitation, the question their relatives have been asking all along — “So, when are you two having kids?” — has hit a deafening fever pitch. But in a world full of baby showers, celebrity bump watches, and obnoxious family members, how long can a couple really postpone the inevitable?

10. Charlie and Em
Charlie Burroughs (Jason Bateman) is your typical suburban New Jersey dad: one wife (Anna Gunn), two kids (Kiernan Shipka and Maxwell Cotton), two cars, finance job in the city, and a 22-year-old mistress waiting in the wings. When he runs into Emily Grant (Elizabeth Olsen) at the train station, he can hardly believe it’s the same girl who used to babysit his children as a high schooler: now a Cornell grad in the psychology, she’s back home to take a year off before applying to grad school to become a marriage counselor. Charlie confides that his own marriage is dangerously close to falling apart, and it’s not long before Charlie and Em enter a relationship — a relationship that eventually threatens to destroy both of their lives as they know them.

Zach Woods, we need to bone.

I know, I know. It seems insane. After all, you’re on The Office and I am barely employed in an office. But love has summited more seemingly-insurmountable obstacles than this! You’re basically the Prince William of the UCB (with better hair), and I can be your Kate Middleton (with somewhat worse hair). But we wouldn’t even need a royal wedding. Or any kind of wedding, for that matter. All I ask for is one solid night of good old-fashioned boning.

Here’s the deal. You are one of the funniest improvisers currently working in New York. Your gift for playing the straight man and garnering huge laughs simply by stating the game of a scene is unparalleled. You have taken your talents to screens both big and small. But that’s not my point here. My point, sir, is that you are an eminently boneable man. You are approximately six feet and three inches of comedy dreamboat with very blue eyes. You do this thing where, when you’re not in a scene, you lean against the back wall of the stage and tug at your hair. Your clothes all seem to be just a little too big on you, but in a really endearing way like you just don’t care that much about clothing, which I super respect and find adorable. You are cute, sir. Very, very cute. And I think we should bone.

“But what does this random chick sexually harassing me online bring to the table?” Good question, Zach Woods! Here’s what I got. I’m 5’2”, my writing has been published on the Internet, and can troubleshoot all your Apple devices. If your iPhone is doing something weird lately, I’ll totally take a look at it. After we bone. (If you don’t have an iPhone, I can also probably take a look at your iPod or your Macbook. I’m pretty good at this stuff and I don’t give you judgmental looks like those snobs at the Apple Store.) Think about it. It’s a pretty excellent deal. One sweet night of boning a petite chick with brownish hair, and I’ll fix that weird thing your iPod does when you put it on shuffle!

“But will we have chemistry?” Hell to the yes we will have chemistry! For instance, you once played a zombie in a Starburst commercial. I love Starbursts and am indifferent to zombies. Something to talk about! Or we could skip the conversation altogether in favor of going to see a showing of The Avengers, followed by a light post-movie meal. Sushi, perhaps? I will pretend to like sushi for you. But only if it’s followed by boning. Same goes for The Killing. If you want to watch The Killing before, during, or after the boning session, I can get on board with that, even though I feel the same way about The Killing that I do sushi. I am willing to drink Brooklyn Lagers (the worst of New York’s local beers) or eat some kind of pineapple-flavored dessert (the worst fruit) so long as I am with you. As long as we’re boning, it’s all right by me.

So here’s the deal, Zach Woods. You’re super cute, like the living personification of a baby giraffe that also happens to be really, really good at improv. You’re a dude Zooey Deschanel in a hoodie; a totally delicious midnight snack; must-see TV that keeps me coming back each week. I am an able-bodied and relatively normal-looking female human of legal age who just happens to have a big dumb crush on you. Clearly, we’re some kind of romantic comedy meet-cute waiting to happen – but, well, I’m tired of waiting for that meet-cute to happen on its own! Sometimes, you gotta grab destiny by the scruff of its neck, write an earnest and somewhat pervy essay, and publish it on the Internet! And look, my friends are tired of me talking about how I have a celebrity crush on Gabe from The Office every time they’re going around waxing lyrical about Ryan Gosling abs or Benedict Cumberbatch’s cheekbones or whatever. But my friends don’t understand. They don’t know about our love.

The love that will surely, undoubtedly flourish as soon as we get to boning.

(If not, maybe we could at least make out?)

Lara Croft is not a woman to be messed with, and her games are both ridiculous and fun.

Recently I heard that in the Tomb Raider reboot I have been eagerly anticipating, the creative team decided that they would include a rape/attempted rape scene. I didn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it, and so I surfed over to YouTube to check out the trailer they premiered at E3 2012.

After picking my jaw up off my desk, my nerd rage activated. Because my strong and fearless Lara Croft is nearly raped in this new game. Really, Crystal Dynamics and Square Enix? You thought it would be a good idea to rape Lara Croft? Not just rape her, but make the player experience that? Really? Thank you, game developers for making Tomb Raider, a universe that I’ve loved for years, into something I don’t want to play for fear of being SEXUALLY ASSAULTED.

Now, some people have said that this could make Lara Croft more relatable to women gamers, and help male gamers understand what it is like for their female friends/family/fellow human beings, who have to worry about unwanted sexual harassment/assault all the time. Just an FYI — there is never a time when I am playing a video game when I pause it, squint my eyes and think: “You know what this game needs? Rape. There is not enough rape happening on my screen.”

Here’s a tip for you game developers: just because there are reports that say that high percentages of women experience unwanted sexual advances and assault, that doesn’t mean we want that in our games. In fact, I will put it out there that one reason I play video games is because there is a very real lack of chance for getting raped. Watching Lara Croft – the Indiana Jones of video games – get even almost raped does NOT make her more relatable. In fact, it alienates players, and could easily end up triggering both men and women.

For the latter part of the above argument, maybe I am cynical and jaded, but if real live women who discuss why they are afraid of rape in real life isn’t enough to break through the veil of mystery surrounding fear of sexual assault, slapping it into a video game isn’t going to make the case for these men. Now, I think that most men are not stupid, and they can and do have a grasp of the issues with women and rape. So that argument is insulting, not just to women – who in that scenario are less real and important than a fictional character – but to men, who are assumed to be too stupid to understand a concept if not presented to them in something like a video game.

These are, however, not my only issues with this. There are two major complaints I have, and they fall under the following: 1. The offense factor, which is just as much, if not more disturbing by arguments and justifications made; and 2. The laziness factor.

It has been argued that, because the reboot is gritty and realistic, it would stand to reason that if Lara found herself in that situation, of course she would almost be raped.

Let me explain to the people who would make this argument a little something you might not know. Lara Croft and the situations she finds herself are invented. Fictional. Fake. So, yes, if she were in the real world and somehow managed to survive everything else in the game up until that point, maybe she would indeed find herself under the rape-gun. But this woman has made a career of falling off of tall things then warping back to the top. Up until the attempted rape part of the Tomb Raider trailer, we see her thrown off cliffs, crushed, shot at, blown up, and fall 40 feet to be impaled on a bone.

That crap ain’t real. If it were, she would be dead. Not kinda, or sorta, but most definitely dead. There is no conceivable reason to accept the magical aspect of the game, and then insist that it would violate the Laws of Realism to make her not get raped/almost raped. That is just madness.

Need further proof? Her butler. Any franchise in which that undying bastard exists is not one of gritty realism.

Now, let’s talk about using rape as a cheap and easy way to create fear and tension, for a second. When I saw the trailer, I tried to imagine how the conversation went when raping Lara Croft came up. It seems like the following dialogue could very well be how it went down.

Head Guy: We need something to make this game dark and intense. Frightening and hard hitting. You know, like everything coming out this year.

Underling Guy: Should we develop atmosphere, using music, backgrounds, camera angles, and other visual/audio/storytelling techniques?

Head Guy: Nah, it’s about a girl. Just make her almost get raped. That will immediately take all the ladies to that dark, scary place, and make all the men want to be heroes.

Maybe I am being uncharitable and there was lots of thought and love put into the idea of raping the hero of the game. The hero who the players are controlling and embodying, if not for THE scene, then at least for the game. Except that, funny enough, there are a million ways to achieve the gritty realism that they seem to be going for. And, oh look, they chose to do none of them. Seems a bit lazy and irresponsible to me.

Also, side-note camera two, isn’t it interesting that no male action-game heroes have ever been put through the same treatment? The reboot, from the trailer and game-play demo, is more reminiscent of a later Resident Evil game – say 4 or 5. Neither Leon, nor Chris, find themselves being held down and stripped. Yes, they fight zombies, but Lara Croft fights dinosaurs.

In an interview with Kotaku, executive producer Ron Rosenberg said that brutalization and attempted rape of Lara would force the character to grow, and make people want to protect her. The same character who was once strong enough to defeat prehistoric beasts is now one that needs to be protected. Nay, the developers WANT us to feel like we have to protect Lara. Rosenberg went on to say that players do not project themselves into the character, like one would a male protagonist. On the face of it, it seems like he is saying that, not only do people not identify with female protagonists, but that they should be protected from the big, bad world.

I have been accused of making a big deal out of this, and that lots of other things have rape, or equally hard hitting and dark, themes in them. One lovely commenter on the vast internet brought up The Hunger Games, where children brutalized and killed one another, for example. This commenter’s point was (paraphrased fairly, I assure you): ‘If you have a problem with Lara Croft getting raped, you should have a problem with all stories where bad things happen. But you don’t, so you are being unfair/inconsistent.’ I have seen these sorts of arguments before. They are kissing cousins to the “you are offended, which makes me feel awkward so I am going to make it seem like you are overacting or being too sensitive about this” arguments. They are, “but Johnny is doing it, so why am I getting in trouble, you are just mean/unfair/a bitch” arguments. Victim-blaming at its best.

The fault lies not with the offended, but with the offender. The fault lies in the rapist, not the victims. Johnny and his friends are busy walking around with lit cherry bombs in their front pockets, so think long and hard about comparing yourselves to them. I am not making a huge deal of it. I AM however making A deal of it. A Deal is being made. As it should, because otherwise no deals are made and crap like this flies.

Bet you are thinking, but really though, are you saying it shouldn’t ever be spoken of or depicted in media? Of course I am not saying that. Rape, like all painful subjects, absolutely needs to be talked about, for many reasons. But there are instances, like this one, where including such scenes are not just pointless, but tasteless. Zero taste involved. This rape/attempted rape does nothing for the plot or character development, and adds no nuance.

Unless the statement is that, in order to become a bad ass, a woman must be raped. But, even in the middle of my most intense nerd rage, I refuse to believe that the developers were thinking that. I don’t think the people who made this game are evil — just irresponsible and insensitive.

I have been accused of not understanding the purpose of the reboot. That Crystal Dimension and Square Enix had a vision and wanted to take Tomb Raider to darker places. Maybe, but it seems like the developers have forgotten what makes a Tomb Raider game not the next Call of Duty Modern Warfare 625 or Resident Evil 38 (all of which I love, by the way) – it’s fun. Hell, it seems like fun wasn’t even a factor in this game. And the fact that people have forgotten that Tomb Raider is SUPPOSED to be fun and tongue in cheek, instead of gritty/dismal/horrific, makes me think that THEY have missed the point in the opportunity presented to them when making a reboot.

Do we introduce new audiences to this franchise, while updating the aspects of the previous games that were clunky and glitchy? Or, do we produce the same game as everyone else in the past five years, and slap a Lara Croft skin on it?

The latter? Oh, okay. But, it needs something to make it edgier.

Oh, I know, rape.

Lennon and Jessica met while taking classes at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, where they not only developed their comedic skills but also took to heart the lesson that you don’t wait for somebody to give you a job in comedy — you make it yourself. When they got their chance, the two ladies wanted to make something that they felt their friends would find funny – and have been grateful for their support as BFF has suffered from less-than-stellar ratings.

The final two episodes of their six-episode run air tonight (Friday, June 1^st) at 8pm/7c on NBC. The ladies talk about the show, their fans and why you shouldn’t wear your yoga pants all the time.

The last few episodes of BFF are airing Friday, June 1^st. What is your plan?

Jessica: Lennon and I are hosting a very BFF lazy Sunday dinner actually. It’s a very ding-dong hello type of dinner. Lennon — I picked up some colored, some Chinese lanterns for your porch.

Lennon: Excellent. So far only seven people have responded yes. [laughs]

Jessica: Well, I told Fred Savage of The Wonder Years, who is our director, that if he doesn’t show up we’re never speaking to him again, and so he will be there at the very least.

That’s a very good, proper threat.

Lennon: Well, at least he’d RSVP though, so I know how much chicken to get. [laughs]

Is he known for eating a lot of chicken, that Fred Savage?

Lennon: Oh, he stuffs his face, always.

Jessica: It’s true. We have to tell him – we tell him all the time that nobody wants a fat director. We have him on a very strict diet when he’s working for us.

Lennon: He likes those little mini candy bars. It’s very cute.

The miniatures are great because you can rationalize that you’re just having one small thing — and when you when you eat five, you can rationalize that they’re not as big as the regular ones.

Lennon: I know. You get a little taste of everything. Mr. Goodbar, Hershey’s, Nestle Crunch.

Jessica: I just think it’s a mixture of things that aren’t in production anymore. Like, have you seen a full-sized Mr. Goodbar?

You two need to obviously have a website where you just explain how to plan the perfect party.

Jessica: Done and done. Done and done. And we’re going to write a movie. I mean this BFF, this is a revolution, you know? It’s in stages.

Were you surprised at the reaction of people about BFF?

Lennon: I was 100 percent surprised. I didn’t know that people knew about it, you know? We kind of couldn’t help ourselves because we were so touched. Someone tweeted at us that she had lost her best friend six years ago, and for 30 minutes she felt close to her again. That really intense, personal stuff.

That’s in addition to everybody including the show and sharing their outrage when [it went on hiatus]– it was phenomenal.

Jessica: Yeah. They were so cute. Even now, the show obviously hasn’t been on the air for a month, but people are writing us, like, “I quoted BFF in my maid of honor speech because the two of us love your show so much.”

What I think touched us the most about it was that people said it really reminded them of them and their best friend, and that they would watch it together. In this age, you’re not often living in the same city as your best friend because those relationships were formed in college, or in high school even, so they would watch it on Skype together.

Wow.

Jessica: I know! When Lennon and I set out to write the show, all we wanted was to write a show that really spoke to best friends, that spoke to that relationship. So the fact that people were actually getting that made us feel like we had done our job.

I do feel like BFF is incredibly reflective of lady best friend relationships, and how ladies talk. The “Oh, I’ve got a rash on my butt” part alone — you don’t necessarily want everyone else to hear that, but you’re going to tell your friend that because that’s the situation.

Lennon: You want to know what’s causing it, and if she has any suggestions. Maybe it’s the new mesh panties you bought on sale.

Jessica: This is a terrible piece of information to share, but I just recently went to my dermatologist and she said, “Hey, thanks for the shout-out — you know, about your butt rash. I really appreciate it.” [Laughs]

I had to show Lennon my butt rash. I didn’t know what was going on and I needed a second opinion, and I certainly wasn’t going to get my husband involved. So in our little office, I had to show it to her. That’s real.

Lennon: It was a simple solution. She just was wearing her yoga pants for too long. [laughs] She would work out and then she would let the sweat dry on her skin, but in between her butt crack it continued to be moist.

Jessica: All right, Lennon. All right.

But here’s my question: How did you, Lennon, know that this was the problem?

Lennon: Because I spend every single day with her for eight hours a day and she was always wearing yoga pants.

We were trying to keep it tight, we would work out in the morning. I would change, and then she would show up at my house straight from the gym in her yoga attire.

Jessica: Mistakes were made. This is the kind of sacrifice that we made for the show and I want people to know it.

And we appreciate it. We really, really do appreciate it. Some writers say that they put their their blood, sweat, and tears into their scripts — and you really did for us.

Lennon: We did.

Jessica: We really did. And we were so happy to because when I still watch TV — I’m not ever like any of these women on television. I’m just not.

Even Sex and the City, that I loved so much — those women, they’re not living my life either. So [we said,] let’s just give it a shot. We’ll actually show what we really do and how we really behave and we’ll see if there’s anybody out there like us. And you know what? There’s a lot of nerdy girls out there who are parading around like normal women and they’re not. And they just feel left alone in the world.

Speaking of the nerdy girls — you’ve been so responsive to your fan base, especially on Twitter. Was that something that you set out to do?

Jessica: Everybody on Twitter who we talked to, I would like to hang out with! There’s just not one creepy person. I would like to really have a party and have everybody come and watch the last two episodes because you people all are exactly the type of people that we would be friends with.

Lennon: I felt like that was an unusual thing to me because I’ve heard most people are like, “Oh yeah, 90 percent of the feedback I get is like ‘you suck, go suck a dick.’” There’s maybe been one person that has said something rude to either one of us. I think everyone that watches our show, the people that get it, are smart, intelligent, calm people that are secret weirdos, you know?

Jessica: There was one guy who is obsessed with women wearing pantyhose on talk shows — really thinks that pantyhose should be worn, and so he said something weird about me not wearing pantyhose. Within seconds all of our Twitter followers jumped on him. (laughs)

So you inadvertently picked up a little gang, really.

Jessica: We did! And we want them to follow us to our next whatever, whether it’s BFF continuing, which is what we’re pursuing right now, or if it’s our next thing; we feel like we’ll always have them and that’s such a nice feeling we didn’t have before the show.

We’d all love to see more BFF — where are you looking to pursue the show in other venues?

Lennon: We’re trying to cover everything, honestly. To have it live on somewhere else — we’re looking at every single possible potential action to continue the story of these characters, so we’re sort of in the middle of that right now.

Jessica: We’re really heavily pursuing cable. To be honest, our show is more like a British show in that, even though we only had six episodes, it feels very complete. Cable would really be nice for us because [we could] do 12 and take a break, and then another 12. Lennon and I could write [the episodes] and then shoot them, and then be in the edit room because we really like – to raise Lennon’s point that I wish she never coined – “our fingers in every batch.”

I’m sorry, what in every batch?

Lennon: Fingers.

Jessica: In every episode, Lennon says we really have our fingers in every batch. First she started saying it and now I’m saying it.

Lennon: I almost got it into a script. I almost got Rav to say it in the pilot episode.

I’m trying to coin multiple phrases. I also like the word jamming, or jammers, so I’ve been trying to get jam in every episode. So even if we don’t write it, I’ll improvise something with jams in it.

Jessica: In episode two, [she was supposed to say,] “You know how Jessica likes to help people out of a situation?” She just kept saying, “You know how Jessica likes to help people out of a jam?”

Which nobody says, right? When we get into the edit room I realize that she’s only thing she says, so we have no choice [to leave it in] because that’s a plot point.

I have to agree that I’ve heard people say, “Get people out of a jam,” so I do stick up for the jam in that aspect.

Jessica: When would you say it? Were you in the 1800s when that was being said to you? [laughs]

Lennon: That was a phrase I’ve been trying to say. I don’t know who you’re talking to, but that is a phrase that people use: “Jam, get you out of a jam.”

I really wanted the phrase, “Jimmy jamming around. You’ve got to quit jimmy jamming around. You’ve got to get out of here.” Like that.

Jessica: Enough!

That one’s pushing it. “Jimmy jamming around” is definitely pushing it.

Lennon: Yeah. And that’s why it’s not in our show.

A lot of people obviously love Queenetta (Daija Owens), more commonly known as Q. One of you said that she was like the Greek chorus, which is just absolutely perfect. I think everyone has that little Greek chorus in their life, although it’s often a very flamboyant gay male.

Jessica: That’s interesting because the gay men have really rallied around Queenetta, and I think that’s because she is like a miniature gay man.

She totally is!

Jessica: I never thought of it that way. That’s a great way to put it because she’s always telling you, you need to lose a few and get rid of those pants and stop acting like that and tighten it up, and it’s true. [laughs]

Lennon: I think since we live in Los Angeles, we sort of have to seek that guidance out. Because Brooklyn would tell you if your outfit was ugly, you know what I mean? Like, everyone from the muffin lady to the deli guy, to the person you’re sitting next to on the subway, would let you know if something that you were wearing was inappropriate, you know?

In LA you could be out and about for hours at a time and not know that your skirt is tucked into your underwear or something. Those people are in their own world, they’re not engaging, you know?

Do you think you could set a show like this in LA? Like, I think it definitely has a very New York sensibility to it.

Jessica: A lot of people said that it would be a lot easier if [we] set this in LA. And we never for a second heard it because it’s a kind of homey neighborhood where everybody’s character is really true. As much as we made it a little more, Gilmore Girls than it probably is, it’s really very true to what living in the neighborhood in Brooklyn or Manhattan is like. You get to know everyone in your six-block radius and you sort of recognize. For Lennon and I, our formative years were in New York: Lennon lived in Brooklyn and then I was in Manhattan. We think so fondly of that time – it’s really nice for us while we’re baking in the LA sun to remember those things in New York.

It was so much fun to shoot in New York. Everyone in Cobble Hill where we shot — they were so cute. In LA, everyone’s annoyed that we’re shooting, but in New York, everyone’s like, “Now what’s this program? Oh my god, I love it. You girls are so cute.” You know what I mean? [laughs] “Welcome to the neighborhood, girls.” So we loved it. We had so much fun.

I find that even the jaded New Yorkers who see Law and Order shoot like 6,000 times all the time, you see the little, “Oh, somebody’s shooting over here. Who’s it going to be?” And that’s kind of neat. As cynical as we can possibly be out here, I don’t think that New York has lost kind of the excitement of watching creativity take place and supporting it.

Jessica: And everyone in New York has such a good sense of humor. That’s the truth right there. From the six-year-old girls to the Italian deli guy, everyone’s got a sense of irony and sarcasm that you just do not get in LA. Mike Starr played our butcher, Angelo — he’s been in every Goodfellas, every mob movie, because he has that New York way. It was so easy to write those characters for us because we loved them all so much.

Lennon: I had such an intimate relationship with my deli guy that when I told him I was moving to Los Angeles, he was struck down. He said, “Wait, but when are you coming back?” I said, “No, I’m leaving. I’m moving.” And he asked, “But just for a little while, right?” And I said “No. I’m going. I’m moving.”

I remember coming here and like sort of seeking that out, you know? At Intelligentsia or something, I would ask, “Tell me about this coffee” and they would be like, “Fuck you, man. It’s coffee. You wouldn’t even understand it if I did explain it.” You know? That kind of attitude. I gave up. Decided to just write about it.

I was really excited to read an interview where you mentioned that another New York-based show, Kate and Allie was such an influence for you. I loved them and that was kind of my image of what awesome ladies could be when they got older. They were friends, and they had their own lives, and they did the things that made them happy — they fought, but they were friends for so many years, and they just loved each other.

Jessica: Golden Girls did the same thing. Even though Rose Nylund was always driving Dorothy crazy, at the end of the day they all had each other’s back. Whatever Lennon and I write, whether it’s BFF or anything else, it will always be about love because that’s what we all do. No one hangs out with someone they hate, you know what I’m saying? Not in your thirties. [Laughs]

Lennon: You might in your twenties, but you learn the hard way that that’s not going to get you anywhere. Even if you think that you should be hanging out with them for such and such reason, at the end of the day nobody wants that in their thirties.

Supergirly question — here do you get most of the clothes on your show? Because everyone just absolutely loves the styling on your show.

Lennon: It’s sort of all over the place. I was attempting to do on our Best Friends Forever Pinterest page I was trying to upload photos of us and then where we got the shirt, or where we got the jeans, or what kind of shoes there were, so I think I did that for the first and maybe the second episodes. Maybe I can keep doing that.

Jessica: We try to get clothes that are close to how we try to dress, but better. We hired this fabulous French [costume designer] – she’s the sexiest woman we’ve ever met. Her name is Florence-Isabelle Megginson. We literally hired her because she’s so sexy and we said, “We definitely like you.” She was like, “O-kay.”

But we tried with our clothes to make them not look like TV clothes. You know like how most shows, their accessories are crazy and they’re different for everything? We tried to wear the same purses, and sometimes we re-wear things because we wanted it to really feel like our closet, you know?

Lennon: We would definitely re-wear jeans and shoes and jewelry, and usually the tops were all different every time. I did a bunch of Madewell and Brooklyn industry stuff. And sometimes Marc by Marc Jacob when I can find it on sale. [laughs] I wore French Connection. And then Jessica was a lot of Paige denim jeans.

Jessica: Yes, and a lot of Splendid tops. And a lot of shoes were from our closet.

We had this awesome awesome tailor. For the cougar ball, it was a Dolce and Gabbana dress that we bought and then remade it.

Lennon: We had expensive taste that we had to really fake.

Jessica, you had mentioned that you are a big fan of Anne of Green Gables — would you have planned an Anne of Green Gables-themed party for season two?

Jessica: Okay. Amy, I will tell you this: Lennon and I hosted an Anne of Green Gables olden days Christmas party, and that was in real life. I was the hit of the social season. I made gingerbread, Lennon made her wassail. Is that correct, Lennon? Am I saying it right?

Lennon: Yeah. You are allowed to say that.

Jessica: All right. And then we screened all of the holiday seasons from the entire series. Now, the weirdest thing about Anne of Green Gables is that there are about 12 comedians who you would recognize who are obsessed with Anne of Green Gables as well. They all came over and we did all of these olden days activities. My husband was like, “I am leaving the house. I may never come back.” It was the weirdest thing.

June Raphael, who is this fabulous comedienne – she’s married to Paul Scheer. She shows up in this bizarre outfit that by accident ended up making her look like one of the sister wives. We didn’t say come in costume, mind you. She was going for an olden thing – she wore like a ruffled blouse with like a ruffled long skirt. But yes, we would have absolutely had an Anne of Green Gables. What I would have done would be one of their old-fashioned ice cream socials. That’s what I would have hosted.

Oh, that sounds delightful! And I’d have to say in real life, how did the two of you decide that you really needed to do an Anne of Green Gables party?

Jessica: We got lost in that moment, to be honest with you.

Lennon: I think there was a time frame when Jessica and I were really learning about each other, and when we found out that we were both obsessed with Anne of Green Gables it was like hours later that we stopped talking about it. So we were like, “Oh, this is something that we’re going to have to delve into in a real way.”

Jessica: Lennon, wouldn’t you say it was almost like our coming out party? Like our debutante ball for this is who we are, you know, as adults?

Lennon: Yeah, if you want to think about it that way. [laughs] That’s fine.

I think Jessica appears to be such a put-together normal woman on the surface, and then underneath she’s just as fucked up as the rest of us. But I feel like I’m just super fucked up on the surface already, so I spent half an hour designing a gingerbread man at that party, speaking to no one. Just really getting into making a little yellow bikini on my gingerbread man, which then garnered everyone’s respect. But I wasn’t being a social person — I didn’t apologize for that, and everybody left me alone because they know that I’m weird like that.

Jessica: The other thing is, this was actually the second Anne of Green Gables party I had. The first one I ever had, we had a quiz with very difficult questions. I didn’t expect anybody to get them all right, okay? Well, we had a sudden death situation. We had two people that got 100 on the quiz, and so I had to go into a sudden death round.

June unfortunately lost on the question, “What did Gilbert’s bride almost die of?” Now, that’s scarlet fever, but she went with the croup, and she lost. And it was embarrassing for her, and she’s going to be embarrassed that it’s in print. That’s what happens. [laughs]

Who was this now?

Jessica: You know, the same woman who dressed up as a sister wife. She lost in the sudden death.

Lennon: But you have to say who won, though. You have to say who won!

Jessica: Jocelyn Diaz, who is the [VP of Production at Disney Studios]. Like movies. She’s like this amazing woman. She won, and she won the collected works of Anne of Green Gables.

Lennon: In DVD form or in a book form?

Jessica: In a book form. I kept it classic. But it’s show business, it’s not show fun, you know what I mean? I’m not going to bend the rules.

That’s awesome. I really like the fact that eventually when she googles herself, this will be coming up, that she has mad Anne of Green Gables skills.

Jessica: Oh yeah. She will be happy about that.

Lennon: She will be very thankful to us when we share that with everyone. [laughs]

In the pilot where you were talking about Steel Magnolias, it reminded me of the moment in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion where they’re watching Pretty Woman, and making fun of it. Then they stop and Michelle says “I’m just really happy when they finally let her shop.” I have done that, as I’ve done it Steel Magnolias too. That scene is such a funny, honest, super personal reflection.

Jessica: Thank you so much. I better watch Romy and Michelle again. I’ve got to do that.

Lennon: For a really long time my friend Jennifer and I had planned [that] at my wedding that we were going to do this full-out. This was before I met the man I was going to marry. [Laughter] We would do this full-out dance where the audience would part, and we would essentially do this duet like they do at the end of Romy and Michelle.

Once I met my husband I realized that was not going to ever happen because the wedding is not about me and my relationship with Jennifer. If anybody’s going to dance alone, it’s going to be me and my new husband, or me and my dad, you know? There was sort of a moment like that on the dance floor anyway, where everybody kind of parted and we were going crazy to Michael Jackson, but it wasn’t choreographed. [laughs] I love that movie.

It would definitely have to go on the list of good best friend films, if you were planning a themed party.

Jessica: Just throw in My Best Friend’s Wedding and I’m there.

IThere’s kind of a running theme here with them all being Julia Roberts movies. And in My Best Friend’s Wedding, she’s quite the evil character, which is kind of delightful.

Jessica: She is — I don’t know why, but I also loved her eighties outfits and I feel like I still would wear them today. I remember her weird shirts she wore, but I still think they hold up. I’d love to hear your opinions on that.

Lennon: Well, they’re definitely coming back, those big blazers with the shoulders.

Jessica: Thank god. Lennon tried on yellow blazer. I had to forcibly tackle her to stop her. I don’t know what – we’re making a lot of weird choices in our depression to be honest. A lot of weird choices.

Lennon: It was the right fit, you know? And I needed a pop of color.

A pop of color — with a yellow blazer?

Lennon: I didn’t buy it because she shot me down. This was after I told her she was beautiful in the prairie blouse that she bought and has been wearing every day — and she does.

Jessica: Not on my watch, Lennon. Not on my watch.

Do you wear the prairie blouse with yoga pants?

Jessica: I tried. Believe me, if I could I would. If it was okay to wear the yoga pants all the time I would, but I am not doing that anymore.

Ladies, this is a public service announcement: Do not do it. You’re going to have to get cream, and you’re going to have to use that cream for three months. [laughs]

Lennon: And you know what? You’re going to have to use cream in your jam, right guys?

Jessica: All right. All right.

See! BFF is educational and helpful, not just entertaining.

Jessica: Exactly. Exactly.

We were so heartbroken because these characters have become like real people to us, and we need to see what’s going to happen with Joe and Lennon’s wedding. We need to see Jess and Rav get to doing it, you know what I mean?

Absolutely.

Jessica: So America doesn’t know it, but they need it.

Lennon Parham on Twitter

Jessica St. Clair on Twitter

Best Friends Forever on Facebook

Was it a perfect episode? Of course not. When is an episode of a sketch comedy show EVER perfect? That’s the nature of sketch. You try to hit different senses of humor, different audiences. If a whole entire sketch show was hilarious to me, that means they’ve got a very narrow audience. And I’m okay when episodes don’t hit it out of the ballpark because they so rarely do. Writing sketch isn’t like writing a sitcom; there isn’t an arc or structure, or a long story to tell. You get little comedy nuggets, and sometimes they’re hilarious, and sometimes they aren’t. Try picking up an episode from the 70s and finding something perfect about every sketch. You can’t. It’s not how sketch works.

And honestly, I liked most of the episode! Mick Jagger pleasantly surprised me as host. I felt like he really respects the show and was very eager to do a good job, and I laughed a lot at his performances. I found him pretty delightful — except that weird blues song because you are an old British rock star, dude.

But what SNL always delivers, in my world anyway, is this really great sense of love for its cast and also its audience. There’s no way that was Jason’s official last night, because they would have honored that.

I feel like Andy Samberg only got his digital short because I doubt he needed any more than that. His mark on SNL history will always be the digital short; it brought a new kind of sketch comedy to the masses and it made SNL relevant in the 21st century. He basically made YouTube what it is today, and brought sketch comedy to a viral level. There wouldn’t be so much comedy available to us on the Internet without him – “Lazy Sunday” broke the mold. It’s extremely fitting that he’d exit with a bookend to that with “Lazy Sunday 2.” It was a game-changer and will always be remembered that way.

And Kristen Wiig? Well. She’s going down as one of the greats, for sure. She has been the face of that show since the last greats left. She’s gonna be up there with Radner and Fey and Poehler and Shannon. She already is. She’s basically been considered an SNL legend for quite a while now, while she was still on the show. What I love about Wiig is that she’s not a typical sketch performer – she’s such a quiet, down-to-earth private person who can go on stage and lose her mind and do amazing things.

While Samberg showcased what he’s best known for as a quiet send-off, Kristen Wiig got the chance to showcase some of her well-known characters and she got her moment to cry in a lovely send-off. What started as a graduation sketch with Mick calling on one graduate named “Tristan” who has spent seven years in school (“She was held back”) turned into a heartwarming dance to “She’s a Rainbow” between Wiig and all her costars, only getting more emotional as she clung to Bill Hader and Jason Sudeikis in tears. Even Lorne Michaels joined the fold, twirling Wiig around for a very emotional few seconds. As Arcade Fire and the whole cast started singing “Ruby Tuesday,” we got random appearances by Kristen’s former costars Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Chris Parnell and Will Forte — and, inexplicably, Chris Kattan (he’s never shared the stage with Wiig, but appears to sit around all day waiting for Lorne to call upon him when needed). It’s clear that Wiig meant a lot to her fellow cast and to the show’s history, and as she held back tears and pointed around on the lyric “I’m really gonna miss you,” it’s obvious that she’s ending a really important chapter of her life.

It’s truly a kick to the gut, though, because this is the end of such a wonderful era. Wiig and Samberg have both been around since 2005. It’s hard to lose those parts of your childhood SNL that you’ve been able to still hold on to. It’s weird to think about never being excited over Wiig resurrecting an old favorite, or to never sit and scream at a digital short again. It’s really tough for me to deal with change, especially when SNL is involved.

But honestly? I’m excited for the future of the show. I’m excited for some younger faces to start gaining more ground. I’m really, really looking forward to the other ladies coming forward and owning their place. It’s a really exciting time because the two most recognizable faces of the show are gone, and it’s time for new people to take the spotlight.

So it’s bittersweet. It hurts, but there are things to look forward to.

And well, when Lorne comes out to dance with you for a goodbye, consider my life over.

I’m feeling this low-grade shame about how deeply affected I am by this man’s death. This stranger. This celebrity. I can hear the cynical sneer of a million anonymous internet commenters telling me that I should be crying over Darfur, or the economy, or something Obama said, but certainly not over a celebrity, as if this is a dirty word to be forcefully spat out with bits of phlegm. His widow, his daughter, his parents, and his friends have a right to sadness, but everyone else must remain stone-faced and resolute in the face of all this actual serious business. There can be no mourning for the artist with the record deal. Certainly not by a stranger like me. I’m just a random person with an iPod full of old school hip hop.

Shame isn’t what I should be feeling. Not even a little. I should feel pity for anyone who has never been so deeply touched by an artist’s work that they wouldn’t shed a tear about them passing. It’s part of our humanity to feel so moved by music that it can send those chills rolling over your skin, raising goose bumps and that hard-candy lump of emotion in your throat. It’s odd how the cynicism of others can make you doubt your own emotional responses, thoughts, and actions.

The night before he died, I was working on a piece for PopGurls, a defense of my favorite band from the haters writing angry screeds about their induction into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So I was lost in thought, pondering the joy and wonder of Paul’s Boutique when my roommate spun her iPad in my direction with the same expression of pain on her face she held when The E Street Band’s Clarence Clemmons passed on. My stomach tightened into a fist, and I said, “I thought he was going to get better. I thought we’d see them at the Greek Theater in a summer or two. I don’t understand.” The headline had to be a mistake. But then, there it was, confirmed in the The New York Times. He was gone, my favorite stranger, who would now always be a stranger. A man I’d never meet, a hand I’d never shake, a voice I’d never hear ring out from the stage. Despair shook me. And now, a week later, I feel a cool, dim, emptiness. I wasn’t even completely aware that there was something there, filling me, to begin with.

So instead of writing the fierce defense of a body of work by a band I loved, I’m writing about grieving this stranger who lived with me, nestled next to my eardrums, connected by that white, plastic umbilical cord dangling out from underneath my chin to an old iPod buried inside my jacket pocket.

For years, I’ve taken the same shortcut home from work, through Atwater Village, where these three young men recorded, played, lived, and wrote. There’s always some Beastie Boys mix straining the bass of my crappy sound system, (“so put your worries on hold and get up and groove with the rhythm in your soul…”) and as I round the corner onto Los Feliz Boulevard, whatever bullshit job issues holding a death grip on my spine melt away, and I am at peace.

Music has a way of creeping in to your subconscious, affecting you in ways you don’t realize. Kerry King’s guitar solo in No Sleep Till Brooklyn immediately transports me back to my grandmother’s living room. She had cable, and therefore MTV, and therefore the Beastie Boys. Ergo, No Sleep Till Brooklyn is now a song that reminds me of Thanksgiving at my Nana’s house when I was a kid.

Shake Your Rump brings me to the grungy girls’ bathroom in high school, my hair a crispy nest of aqua net, crying over a boy named Ralph. Intergalactic is a summer traffic jam on the Southeast Expressway in Boston, in a car with no AC.

And then there’s “Sure Shot.” When you’re a woman, there are times when every man looks like just another subway groper, catcaller, or abuser who will tell you that your experiences aren’t real, that your thoughts are silly, and that your mind is worthless. I was having one of those days. Something horrible happened to me, and I felt like garbage. Auto-piloting down the 5 Freeway, toward that Atwater shortcut, feeling numb, with a side-order of angry, the CD on random, when the words rang out: “I wanna say a little somethin’ that’s long overdue, that disrespect for women has got to be through. To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends, I wanna offer my love and respect to the end.”

That something wasn’t little. Not at that moment. It was everything. I’d heard the song a million-and-one times before, but the lyrics came through the shitty factory-installed speakers of my Chevy (not an) Impala at just the right second in my life to remind me that the world was filled with good men who weren’t going to put up with this hatred any longer. That he was sorry about saying all that shit about roofies and toilet brushes. I pushed through to “Song for the Man,” and Adam Horovitz continued the thought, shoving back at all those assholes who felt entitled to my ass on the T, when I was a scared kid praying that the pervert would exit at the next stop. “What gives you the right to look her up and down?”

Usually, it was that trademark silly rapper bluster that lifted me up, my lip curling up in a smirk right about the time the Boys were shouting that they had more hits than Sadaharu Oh. It was “Sure Shot” on a summer day in SoCal that gave me courage when I needed it. It’s still “Sure Shot” that echoes through my brain when some dude makes a boneheaded remark. I think, “Someone cooler and smarter than you’ll ever hope to be is on my side. Now shove your male privilege up your ass and waddle away, motherfucker.” An old friend of mine explained, “…that one line makes so many things bearable.” And I wonder if he knew that, if any of them know that.

We feel this deep connection to the artists of our time; they can speak to us, for us, lift us out of the shit that pains us, sing at our weddings and barbecues…it’s as if they’re joining us in our celebrations and comforting us in our tragedies. It wasn’t the actual human, the artist named Adam Yauch who put his arms around me and lifted me up when the cesspool was pulling me under, it was his art. So I could never hug him back and thank him for always being there, because really, he wasn’t. That’s the frustration of this kind of grief.

It’s the one-sidedness of it all that’s killing me. When someone you love dies, it’s usually someone you know, someone to whom you’ve expressed your love. Maybe you even get to say goodbye, to express what they’ve meant to you, tell them they’ve brought you joy and meaning. You can seek comfort from family, pore over emails and photos of memories you shared, and find some peace in the knowledge that they experienced your gratitude for having them in your life. When an artist dies, someone you never knew, but still someone who seemed to know you so well, whose words gave you comfort…there’s a special kind of empty left in your heart. It’s not that I’m broken because I didn’t get to say goodbye. It’s that I was never able to say hello. I was never able to say thank you.

I don’t know that I’ll find any comfort by writing this into the void. I hope that he knew that for every person who shook his hand and told him that his work brought them joy, there were a thousand others feeling that way, too. I hope that Adam Horovitz and Michael Diamond can absorb that the love and respect ringing out for their brother also belongs to them, that this love is their legacy, too.

Adam Yauch, I will miss you. I didn’t know you, and I never met you, but I loved you, and I will mourn you. Thank you for the kind words, especially the ones that made me laugh and gave me courage and comfort. It’s called gratitude, and that’s right.

I’m weirdly fascinated by this. are they looking for masturbation techniques or is it some inquisitive boy desperate to know how ladies get off?

Google definitely thinks this is all about the personal masturbation inquiry, but then they quickly backtrack and offer up Discovery Girls, For Colored Gurls: Helping Girls Find Their Inner Strength, PopGurls and then Suicide Girls.

Anyway, I wish I could help our new visitor out. We have covered the following:

Porn? For Me? — a porn gift-giving guide

Pet Me — we review sex tips from guy’s magazines

And What Makes Sexy? (pretty self-explanatory)

However, for more personal information, I suggest Scarleteen, reading a ton of smutty fanfic (I feel like I learned A LOT about all the options in gay sex from fanfic) and just gettin’ down to business and see what feels good. Because that’s what it’s all about, right? Feeling good.

In honor of our great love for P&R, PopGurls returns to our recapping ways (last seen in the heyday of our Degrassi obsession) to share our moment-by-moment excitement:

It’s Election Day in Pawnee and everyone’s on edge. Bobby Newport (Paul Rudd)’s hotshot campaign manager Jennifer Barkley (Kathryn Hahn) just wants the election to be over so she can fly back to the comfort of DC, where it’s safe to drink the tap water. Leslie (Amy Poehler)’s stressed because she’s running on nine hours of sleep in the past four days, and she’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It’s a pretty big day for her, to put it mildly. Just getting to vote for herself is enough to get her misty-eyed and emotional in the voting booth.

[I have cried every time I see that moment -- amy]

Ben (Adam Scott)’s antsy because he’s dividing his energy between making sure the last day of Leslie’s campaign runs smoothly, and pondering Jennifer’s job offer to help run a congressional campaign out of DC. Ben has been remarkably competent all throughout the campaign (a fact Jen has picked up on) so it’s nice to see the return of the human disaster when he tries to hide the job offer from Leslie. Leslie’s face when she snarls, “you have plenty of jeans!” is priceless.

Can I just say that it’s kind of endearing that they’ve gotten to the point in their relationship where they don’t have to tread carefully and mince words? Leslie’s reaction here and Ben’s “What’s the matter with you?” from “The Debate” both strike me as the kind of shorthand that couples adopt after they’ve been together a while, where they don’t have to worry about coming off harsh because there’s this foundation of love that’s been laid.

Back at City Hall, April (Aubrey Plaza) is also freaking out because she accidentally deleted all the departmental files while transferring them to a USB drive. (ALL of the departmental files fit on one USB drive? I find that hard to believe considering that Leslie has binders upon binders for everything.) Fortunately, Leslie isn’t present to give her a lecture on responsibility and her man Andy (Chris Pratt) is there to distract her and take her mind off the horrible mistake she’s made.

At Campaign Headquarters, Jerry (Jim O’Heir)’s panicking as well. He spent all day dutifully passing out flyers for the Knope campaign, and as a result didn’t make it to the polls in time. To make matters worse, according to the results pouring in from the precincts, Bobby and Leslie are neck-to-neck. Dammit, Jerry!

Ann (Rashida Jones) is the center of calm in all the chaos. A brilliant friend, she takes Leslie boxing to relieve some of her pent-up adrenaline, while also using the opportunity to talk over Leslie’s dilemma with her. (Also, I’m hoping the “ambiguous ethic blend” comment means that we’ll get to meet some of Ann’s family next season.) While Ann and Leslie hash things out, Ben and Ron (Nick Offerman) do some bonding of their own. Ben is unsure if he should take Jen’s job offer, amazing opportunity that it is. Ron, always the voice of wisdom, introduces Ben to dark liquor (because clear liquor is for rich women on diets) and tells him to go for his dreams, just as he pushed Tom to go for his in the season three finale. And he gave verbal approval of Leslie and Ben’s relationship! “But you and Leslie like to hold hands and jump off cliffs together, into the great unknown.” To think that at the end of the last season he was glaring at them over buttdials.

When the results are finally called, Bobby is declared the winner by a mere twenty-one votes. Once Leslie finishes hysterically laughing because her dream was dead, Ben calls for a recount. Poor Jen Barkley, she just wants to go home. She’d do anything, even give Leslie Joe Biden’s home phone number. (Help, I think I have a crush on Jen Barkley. I really love Jennifer — obviously I love Leslie’s naïveté and her selflessness, but I also love how Jennifer is totally in charge and cool as a cucumber.)

Leslie wavers for a second, but Ben refuses the bribe, and the recount is on. Her dream temporarily resurrected from the dead, Leslie sneaks off to the council chamber to sit in one of the seats. She’s afraid that if she loses, all the hard work her friends put in would have been for naught. Ron finds her and offers some comforting words, mirroring the pep talk he gave her in the season premiere. Then, it was “you’re Leslie Fucking Knope”; now, it’s that her friends support her “win, lose, or draw” because they care about her.

[this one too -- amy]

Back at the Parks office, Donna (Retta) ends up saving the day for the second week in a row. Turns out Jerry accidentally deletes files all the time, and Donna has a secret backup installed.  Guess Jerry’s mistakes serve a purpose, after all.

Armed with her new realization, Leslie finds Ben and presents him with a miniature figurine of the Washington monument (she has fifty of them just lying around her office) tucked inside the box Ben gave her the Knope 2012 breakup campaign button in the season premiere. It was such a nice, touching callback. I might have teared up.

Ann, friend and beautiful nurse, comes back with the recount results. It’s still twenty-one votes, but in Leslie’s favor this time. “Catch your dreams” blasts from the speakers, there’s lots of hugging to go around, and even Jean-Ralphio, perhaps the most delightful recurring character, makes an appearance.  And how amazing was his pseudo-mohawk?

And just like that, it’s over. Everyone’s drunk and happy. Ann’s even drunk enough that she’s potentially going to get back together with Tom. (This just reinforces my view that Tom and Ann are only good together when Ann’s drunk — and that’s not really healthy.) Don’t do it, Ann! You might never date again, remember? Less man time, more Ann time!

Otherwise, the episode – and the season – ends on a high note. Personally, I’ll miss both Bobby and Jen. (Though we might still see Jen next season, seeing as Ben is scheduled to be in DC through November.) Parks and Recreation has a knack for humanizing even the antagonists of the show.

Everyone’s come a long way since the beginning of the season. The main overarching storyline reached its spectacular conclusion with Leslie winning a seat on city council. Ben, who has spent much of the season adrift, is back on track. Ron comes to the realization that he likes where he is too much to take on another job, and we get the sense that he’s going to be Parks Director for years to come. Andy, who started the season as the shoeshine guy, now has a job that requires him to wear a tie (albeit over a short sleeve dress shirt) and might be on his way to becoming a police officer. Chris is revitalized and no longer moping, and Ann is similarly happy, if not necessarily in the best place, relationship-wise.

What’s next for Parks and Recreation, assuming it gets renewed? I predict lots of Skype calls between Ben and Leslie, and maybe an iMovie. “Ann, I learned how to use Skype! Ahhhhhh!” Depending on whether the show decides to build a few Washington DC sets or shoot on location, we might see Ben interacting with Jen Barkley. And of course, Ben and Leslie doing it all over Washington. I would love it if Leslie ran into Joe Biden somehow while in DC. (Isn’t one of the Obama girls a fan of Parks? Make it happen, Mr. President!)

On the Pawnee side of things, next season might see a return to Lot 48, Leslie’s personal project which has taken a backseat this season. It should be fun watching Leslie slug it out with her new colleagues, including Councilmen Dexhart and Houser. Maybe Councilman Pillner will even make an appearance at her swearing-in.

Until then, hugs for everyone! Let’s all stay up and talk about our lives and feelings. Non-negotiable!