I’m sure this will shock no one, but Amy and Michelle have a new addiction. A new, bad, cheesy addiction. Okay, fine, not bad. But we’ll leave in cheesy. Michelle thinks Amy will agree with her on that one. She has to, the lead character doesn’t even carry a gun, for Pete’s sake.
(Melynee: I’d like to point out that I, too, am addicted. Only, without the
scary, obsessive previous Nikita transference issues. Just so you know. Also, Will rules!
Amy: There’s a reason we didn’t let Melynee write more of the review, folks. People in
obsessive misguided houses shouldn’t throw stones, yo.)
But I am getting ahead of myself. Our new addiction? ABC’s Alias. Now, some might accuse us of desperately trying to fill the hole in our hearts that Nikita left when she wandered off into the great wide open. That’s probably a valid argument. And while comparisons are unavoidable, there is enough distinct about Alias that we feel it should be allowed to stand on its own. Sure, she’s a covert op working for a secret “government” organization that the rest of the world is unaware of. Sure, if the people she loves find out they die. But you’re not looking at the obvious differences.
First and foremost, this is no Section One. There are no mopey men named Operations smoking thin cigars and plodding around in turtlenecks until they realize that it’s just not the most intimidating look. And there’s no Madeline. There is actually, sadly, a huge void of creepy subtext. The conflict of sacrificing innocents for the greater good is not even touched on in Alias. And the lead isn’t a leggy blond who embraces the automatic weapon. So, clearly, we aren’t just watching it for the hot chick action. It must have something else! Depth! Intrigue! Plots that make sense!
No, okay, fine, sometimes we watch it for the hot chick action. Sometimes. And sometimes we watch it for the plot. Sometimes we watch it for the characters. Heck, sometimes we even like the characters. Sadly, none of them compare to Michael Samuelle, but did we really expect them to? Michael and his mullet are gone forever, never to be seen again until the actors realize their careers have stalled and they desperately agree to reunite in a USA original movie. (Which should be any. Day. Now.) But in place of the understated mullet-man, we have kick-ass fight scenes! A heroine that illogically does not carry a gun! Father/daughter angst, with no hint of any Freudisms anywhere! Cliffhanger endings! Plot twists aplenty! Bad guys galore, without those pesky shades of gray getting in the way! Bombs implanted in foreign dignitaries’ chests!
And for the record, we did not make that last one up.
So welcome! Join us! Put up your feet and enjoy the scenery! Join us in attempting to second-guess the writers! Bitch about the inanities in the plot! Dream about having your very own cell phone that makes liquid latex copies of fingerprints! And marvel at the entertaining wonder that all of this creates. Alias, we and our over-active imaginations salute you!
Want the real run down? Try Alias: Sometimes the Truth Hurts . Want a long-winded, basic outline you can almost grasp? Have a fondness for run-on sentences? Need everything spelled out in Alias-to-Nikita speech? We are so your gurls.