PopGurls helps you answer one of the nagging questions of our times: Are you a teenie?
- When an *NSYNC song comes on the radio you
a. scoff and quickly change the channel.
b. leave it on, but joke loudly about how badly it sucks.
c. scoff and quickly change the channel, but secretly yearn to listen to it.
d. turn it up and yodel along.
- When walking down the mall you always
a. hit, in order: Hot Topic, Spencer’s, Abercrombie, Camelot, Claire’s and the magazine stand.
b. mock the employees of Hot Topic, digging on their required “goth” wardrobe.
c. squeal every time you pass the rack of *NSYNC greeting cards.
d. all of the above.
- Hanging up in your cubicle/office at work you have
a. work schedules, spreadsheets and the like.
b. family photos and a calendar of your fave show or group.
c. work schedules and a few family photos.
d. numerous *NSYNC posters, calendars based on a show or group, various greeting cards of the *NSYNC variety and photos of your fave obsession cut out of magazines.
- The sight of a bedazzled shirt in a teen-oriented clothing store that reads “I lie to boys” on it
a. makes you shrug your shoulders and wonder why anyone would wear that.
b. draws you into the store, where you try it on then decide against it.
c. causes you to pause temporarily and think “Gee, that’s kinda cute.”
d. draws you into the store, where you not only grab it without even trying it on, but immediately begin planning what shoes and pants you will wear with it as well as finding 10 other cute things you MUST HAVE.
- You have tickets to a show. Possibly a teenie-oriented show. To get ready for the show you
a. throw on the jeans and t-shirt you left on the floor after wearing them the day before.
b. try on three or four outfits the night before, settling on something casual and comfortable.
c. decide to wear that cute new shirt you bought for some occasion long ago you never went to.
d. begin planning your outfit months in advance, as soon as the tour is announced, stock up on body glitter and live at the mall in search of the perfect tube top.
- The day of the concert you
a. almost forget about the show, toss on a coat and head out an hour before showtime.
b. take the day off from work, spend a few hours getting ready then head over to the venue.
c. excitedly AIM all of your friends, counting the minutes before you get to leave work.
d. take the day off from work, get up at the crack of dawn, spend a few hours getting ready, then head to the venue and camp out. ‘Cuz, you know, you might catch a glimpse of someone.
- The CDs currently in your car are
a. Marilyn Manson, Beck and Barry Manilow.
b. Violent Femmes, Pulp, The Smiths and *NSYNC hidden under the seat.
c. Matchbox 20, Hanson, Foo Fighters and Oasis.
d. *NSYNC, Britney, Christina and O-Town.
- When someone at work taunts you by mispronouncing Fatone as Fat-One, you
b. give them an evil glare.
c. ignore them.
d. pound their head repeatedly into the desk, yelling “It’s Joey Greenapple – say ‘Greenapple’!”
- When a random stranger is directed to you for teenie show or band expertise, you feel
b. all of these and more.
- If, for some odd reason, you found it necessary to purchase a Teen Beat you
a. dude, you would never buy Teen Beat.
b. pass the rack a few times, giggle nervously, grab the magazine and run straight for the registers. Eye contact at register is avoided.
c. first make sure that no one you know is currently in the store, pick up a few other magazines (like Time, Premiere, NewsWeek, etc), make sure no one is watching you, dash for the teen rack, grab the magazine and bury it amongst the other magazines. Concoct convincing story about how it is for your teen sister. You hate it when she makes you buy these things.
d. walk straight to the teen rack, throw yourself onto the floor, grab a handful of Teen Beat, Tiger Beat, Bop, etc., peruse them to see which has better pictures, decide to buy a few of them because, while Teen Beat has that extra cute pic of Justin, Bop has your fave pic of Lance. Even if it is only a thumbnail. Proceed straight to the register, showing no shame.
Mostly A’s? Wow, I hate to say this, but you’re, like, an adult or something. How do you do it? Please, share your wisdom with us.
Mostly B’s? Dear, you are well on your way to becoming a teenie. I’d say one more purchase of a sparkly tee, and that’s it, we’ll be welcoming you to the world of teenie hell. We’ll save you a seat.
Mostly C’s? Ah, I see myself in you. So young, so naive. You’re resisting. Hey, it’s understandable. Being an adult teenie is not a light cross to bear. But take it from those who have been where you’re at: It’s just SO much easier when you give in. Really. It’s like a weight is lifted from your shoulders.
But that could just be the weight of money being lifted, too. Teenies require a lot of merchandise, yo.
Mostly D’s? You are one of us. Welcome. Enjoy. Embrace your social outcastness! Revel in your cheap jewelry from Claire’s! Take pride in your magazine collection!
Because there’s really no other way to get through this phase.