Written by Melynee, Amanda, Michelle
You know, we’ve all read a million and one reviews of *NSYNC’s Live from Madison Square Garden concert, and probably so have you. Is that going to stop us from rambling on about it? Hell no. Is that going to stop you from reading our version? Maybe. But this is your chance to get a scary look into our issues. It doesn’t get much more revealing than this.
Keep in mind, we’ve seen this a gazillion times. These are not fresh reactions. Had you caught us earlier in our boyband love phase, the review would go something like, “Fuck. Yes. God. Did you see? Yes. Mmmm. God. Fuck.”
Also, we did this over the phone. Amanda doesn’t type as fast as she thought she did. Our complete geekiness may not translate, but on with the show.
NOTE: Michelle’s comments added later, as she was not lucky enough to have a copy of the video for the original discussion.
Introduction
Amanda always fast-forwards through the screaming girls. She feels really bad for them, especially when they sing. Melynee thinks one of the girls looks like one of her sister’s best friends.
Melynee: And the girls with *NSYNC written on their stomachs… that’s a problem. The whole thing irritates me.
Michelle: I cannot watch the stupid girls at the beginning. I’m sorry, but I should never be ashamed of my gender. I cannot suppress the urge to slap them all. The fast forward button is their friend. Also, the fact that I was not there while they were embarrassing my gender is a good thing. They are all very, very lucky.
No Strings Attached
Melynee: Every time, it looks like they’re opening up a can of pop. It’s them releasing their strings, right? But the symbolism is lost. I think I had jitters (the first time I saw this). It’s the whole thing. The music starts, and then stops, and then starts. It’s an obvious tension-building trick, but it gets me every time.
Amanda: I’m always excited that Lance gets to take off his hat, while everyone but Justin has to leave theirs on.
Melynee: And I like that Justin takes his off right away, to show off his bandana. Those hats, in general. I mean, JC, the fact that he even puts that on. The only way that hat could be worse is if it had the little pompoms.
Michelle:But, Melynee, it’s held on by a string? It must be important to the whole ensemble, I mean, he obviously wanted to really, really make sure that it stayed on. I need to meet the dude who dresses them. Did they all agree to this? These outfits are JC’s fault, aren’t they? Bastard.
We love the back and forth movement they do in time to “that a girl like you needs.”
Amanda: This is where you learn that Justin is a better dancer than all of them.
Melynee: You think so?
Amanda: Yeah, it’s the hips and stuff.
Melynee: Justin has precision in all of his moves, all the time. I fucking love the movement for “his eyes wander round.”
Amanda: Oh. Lance. (Don’t know what he was doing here. Probably just being Lance.) I have to sing along, I can’t help it.
Melynee: Oh Joey! Oh Joey! He was popping his hips, he was doing the little body roll.
Amanda: I watch this now, after IMAX, and I think Lance is less bad than I did when I first saw him.
Melynee: Maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with what Lance is actually doing, it’s just our perception of him.
Amanda: Do you agree that he’s hotter in this now than he used to be?
Melynee: Yeah. But, um. I do, but I also think that it’s hard to tell from “No Strings Attached,” because I feel like he gets more, actually, less good later on. Maybe. We’ll see. Now they’re doing that little hand flicking thing. I hate that thing.
Amanda: No. But, see, I know that part. I like to do it when I’m singing along.
I Want You Back
Melynee: See, they do it again with this. It’s that whole stopping and starting thing. “We’re going to sing now. No, we’re not. We’re going to sing now. Just kidding.” There’s a close up on the rhinestones.
Amanda: Justin always gets to work the crowd into a frenzy.
Melynee, responding to Joey’s question to the crowd: Oh, Joey. What is up?
Amanda: Do you think he gets to do the opening because it’s at MSG?
Melynee: Oh, yeah, I totally think he gets to do it because it’s New York.
Amanda: I love the “uh” right before the “come on.” I always sing that part when I listen to the CD. It’s all. I dunno. Hot.
Melynee: This version, as opposed to the recorded version, I like how they funk it up a little.
Michelle: I really, really hate myself for loving this song. I think I’ve scarred myself for life.
Melynee groans at the body roll. We love the flopping knees dance move.
Melynee: What’s up with Chris’s eye makeup?
Amanda: Look how happy JC is when he gets to start his solo. He’s all smiling.
Melynee, responding to the never-ending crowd shots: Ah! Stop with the girls!
Amanda: This is my favorite verse in maybe any *NSYNC song ever. (JC is singing, “Baby I remember, the way you used to look at me and say, promises never last forever. I told you not to worry, said that everything would be alright, didn’t know then that you were right.”)
Melynee: Joey! Oh yes! “I want you back girl.” He’s groping himself!
Amanda: Ah. Justin pets himself.
Melynee: Oh! The heart buttons. So very wrong, that.
Much squealing at the little Justin punches.
Melynee: Lance is a total dork, throwing his arms wide and raising his eyebrows at the crowd.
Amanda: This is my favorite Justin EVER. (When they all get in line behind him, and he shimmies to the floor.)
Melynee: Can we talk about the costumes? What are they supposed to be?
Amanda: They’re dolls. Rag dolls.
Melynee: They look like mariachi band rejects. Okay. Lance? Lance only has one lapel? Is that accurate?
Amanda: I think. I think it is.
Melynee: Is that a VEST? Is he wearing a vest OVER his jacket? The costume designer should be shot.
God Must Have Spent a Little More Time On You
Michelle: Excellent. I don’t hate myself too much. I can still laugh at their ballads. Because they suck. Ass.
Melynee: Everyone else takes off his jacket, except for Lance. Who leaves his on. Is that because he was too busy talking?
Amanda: Justin is always trying to work the crowd. He’s all. Hot and stuff. And smiling and making girls swoon. Bastard.
Melynee: Oh, Justin, I’ll give you my help whenever you want. Stop with the girls!
Amanda: It’s Justin’s fault they show the girls. If he wouldn’t make them sing.
Melynee: He’s just so frickin cute. I just picture legions of girls at their junior high dance, boys with their hands on the shoulders, doing the step-touch. This is so a step-touch song.
Amanda: You can see all the sweat on Joey’s back. They should have let him change while he was losing the jacket.
Melynee: Poor, poor Joey.
I always wonder this. Is it a regular bandana? Is that a regular bandana pattern? Or is it a special Justin bandana?
Amanda: I hate the girl with the visor (in the crowd). She cheapens JC’s part.
Melynee: See, the thing about the bedazzler is that its joy is in the sparing use. And. Really. Somebody didn’t know when to quit. In fact. Steve. It’s Steve Gerstein who didn’t know when to quit. There are enough rhinestones on their costumes to outfit Christopher Street.
Amanda: They are all off here. The harmonies. I think it’s Joey who’s throwing them off.
Melynee: But Lance is so looking at the camera there. See, that’s the thing. Lance knows where the camera is.
Amanda: Oh. Here we go. All the rest of them are standing up straight, whereas Lance is all leaning against his support. He looks nervous.
Melynee: You can watch Chris’s platform shake, and I wonder what he’s doing up there. But, see, I don’t see Lance as being scared of stepping out on the platform. I see him as being, “I’m so fucking in control of this that I’m just going to lean back. I don’t need to put more effort into this song.” And what is the point of raising them up there? Is that getting them closer to god? Is it because the song doesn’t do anything on it’s own?
Amanda also always fast-forwards through Ananda Lewis.
Michelle: Yep, fast forward through Ananda. I have no patience for this. I’m here for booty shakin’, not blithering idiocy.
Melynee: The fact that someone had to make those little graphics, showing the fake percentage of how people voted, really makes me sad.
Tearin’ Up My Heart
Amanda: Joey has on his hot shirt.
Melynee: Hi, JC. He did that whole run forward and jump/thrust thing that he thinks is exciting but isn’t.
Amanda: But he’s so happy! And bouncy. I wish they’d come up with a new dance for this.
Melynee: Oh. But Chris does do that nice one-armed back flip, and all I can think is that he must be so athletic in bed. I hate that girl, I hate that girl (in the audience with a glowstick in her mouth or something) “Girl, let me know!” Justin is fucking hot when he does that. Joey looks like a dork doing this dance, and Lance looks like a girl.
Michelle: Fuck, do they realize every moment they waste on some little teenybopper costs us hips and air punching and stuff? Fuck, do they think about these things? Obviously not. Bastards.
Amanda: At the IMAX Michelle and I did the interactive part. N! SYNC!
Michelle: When I say “N,” you say “SYNC!” Ha ha ha… yeah, thanks for outing me, bitch. I still think that little girl wants to be us. When she’s done being five. And sane.
Melynee: This outfit does not make Chris look svelte. In fact, it makes him look like a pudge. Now, someone has paired them up. Chris with Joey, Lance with Justin, and JC is all alone. Did the costumer do this? There’s two maroons, two whites, and JC alone in the black. And, Lance, if you’re going to take the sleeves off a shirt, don’t take them off a button down. It does not work. I don’t care who you are.
Much groaning at the Justin punches. Hot. Hot. Hot.
Melynee: Oh. The beatbox. Just look at those hips. (Little breathy noises coming from the phone.) I was watching this with my sister, and at the beginning, she was all shocked and wondering how he could do this, but at the end she was all… oh yeah, wipe your lips, baby.
Amanda: It’s all about the scandalous pelvis (which then comes on, and there’s more oh-ing).
Michelle: Oh yes, more material for my future therapist. I hate him. I do. But if he were to come over and beatbox while waggling his hips… I wouldn’t kick him out.
Melynee: Justin, your acting skills leave something to be desired.
Amanda: But he’s really cute in Making the Tour, you have to admit.
Melynee, giggling: Oh. The fact that he says “Four, Three, Two, battle” just makes me laugh. I love it! The cheesy little calypso move. Justin, what you’re showing off here are not your skills. (He then does some real beatboxing.) This is what proves there’s actually a little ghetto white boy in you. Wipe your mouth again, baby.
It’s Gonna Be Me
Michelle: JC: poster child for why white boys should not “raise the roof.”
Amanda: Okay. I love this outfit! It’s my favorite JC outfit. (The camo pants, and the tan sleeveless shirt with the red underneath.)
Melynee: Well, I’m kind of fond of the erection pants. But I want to know if he has a red shirt on underneath, or if it’s attached. Are you wearing two shirts? Are you wearing two shirts? The world wants to know if you’re wearing two shirts!
Michelle: Shut. Up. You are not allowed to be fond of those… pants. Melynee, he’s got a matching arm band. Dear, you realize that’s wrong, right?
Amanda: They are all good in the leaning.
Melynee: It’s good outfits. It’s good hips.
Amanda: Lance does the twirling thing that he likes. I love it when he twirls. Twirling is fun.
Melynee: Okay. The wrist bands on Chris are bad.
Amanda: Come hither fingers! (JC, of course, “cause in the end you know it’s gonna be me”)
Melynee: Please stop with the little girls after we see JC do the chest pet. The choreography on this song fucking rocks. I don’t like Joey’s pants, though.
Amanda: But I like Joey’s shirt! It’s a really good shirt. And he looks really good in it. Slow lean! And it’s all good again.
Melynee: And you get to really hear Lance there for a minute. All I want, really, is for Justin to go up another octave there. It’s a Steven Tyler moment, which is why Steven Tyler rocked in that moment (during the Super Bowl).
Amanda: This is just, the perfect song.
Melynee: Yeah, it is. You get hot boyness, not too sweaty, it’s good costumes, good choreography. And that move, again! (JC runs to the edge of the stage, stops abruptly and thrusts) Which leads up to something that it never delivers. I hope that’s not what he’s like in bed. And then the crucifixion pose at the end, for Justin. It really is all good.
Is it that they’re trying to give you the feeling that you’re there? Showing all the crowd shots? At the concert? I understand it when they were showing it live on HBO. But to package it and sell it that way? I don’t understand.
I Drive Myself Crazy
Melynee: Oh look! It’s the lamp. Why do they have to have the plastic on the lamp? Can’t it just be a lamp?
Amanda: I always feel sorry for Chris, cause he’s talking, trying to connect with the crowd, and they aren’t really paying attention. And then Justin comes out, and everyone squeals, and doesn’t listen to poor Chris. And then Lance puts on the jacket. And you know he’s already really hot.
Melynee: Oh. My favorite song. But it’s not the best performance of it. I love it when Chris gets to sing. I’d cheer for you, Chris.
We discuss how cute the twins are, singing along in the audience. Although, Melynee doesn’t believe they are twins, even though it appears they should be.
Amanda: Okay. I agree that Chris tries really hard here. But his pits are gross.
Melynee: And he’s got a sheen of sweat. He’s liquid.
Amanda: And he doesn’t have the hips.
Melynee: But I do like his pants. A lot.
Amanda: This is my second favorite verse of an *NSYNC song (Justin’s).
Melynee: And it’s my very favorite ever line: “you confessed your love, undying devotion, I confessed my need to be free.” That, and “I keep writing letters to my garbage can.”
Amanda: Yeah. I’m obsessed with that song right now (“I’ll Be the One”). It’s like, they let Chris think he’s got it, but then they leave it to JC to sew it all up.
Michelle: Fuck you Amanda, now I’m singing it. Dammit. “If i’m not the one you need, Lucy, take the time to figure out, you’ll see.” Quiet Melynee, that is too the way it goes.
Melynee: JC is jamming a little too much with himself. Look at everyone else sitting forward, and Lance is all sprawled back in his armchair.
Amanda: He doesn’t sit up until he’s taken a good, slow look at JC.
Melynee: “JC is my space cowboy!” I love that sign. Chris just used JC’s towel.
Amanda: And JC goes all out of focus. Oh, JC. We didn’t need the hand movement, there.
Melynee: And the light goes out. How symbolic.
I Thought She Knew
Amanda: I hate Justin’s sucking-on-his-tongue, waiting-for-the-crowds-to-cheer look. But he’s hot when he says, “Okay, Joey thinks we should give you one more chance.”
Melynee: He’s so cute. He’s such a little boy. He makes me feel like such a pervert.
Amanda: His fingers are really long, and his forearms are really hairy.
Melynee: And it bothers me that his shirt only buttons halfway.
Amanda: Justin always somehow reminds me that he’s really young.
Melynee: And makes us feel really dirty.
Amanda: Oh. But look at Lance. And JC is standing so close to him.
Melynee: I just expect him to reach over and grab Lance’s hand.
Amanda: Okay. Justin looks like a man. With his arms and the hands.
Melynee: Yeah. He really does. Look. Lance has got his hips going.
Amanda: He does, and it gets a little better toward the end.
Michelle: Okay, this is their only ballad I’ll listen to. And sing. Yes, I sing along. Leave me alone. See, the problem with *NSYNC and ballads, besides the shoddy lyrics, is that they try way too hard. Constipation face does not equal sexy. Nor does it equal “emotion”. See, now Lance has it spot on. Act like you don’t care. Unfortunately, this isn’t the IMAX show, so he still cares a little. But not a lot.
Melynee: See, it’s hard to compare this to the IMAX, because we don’t get to see Lance much. (This song, in the IMAX, is all about how Lance Bass is the hottest fucking thing ever, you see.) Do they have a package under all the audience members’ seats? With glow sticks and stuff? Do they have instructions? “Use this glow stick during this song.”
Amanda: Maybe he’s not as hot. Okay. Maybe. But you really can’t see his reactions here.
Melynee: Lance just isn’t as commanding here. Maybe it’s that he’s not six and a half stories tall.
Amanda: I don’t like to look up Joey’s nose. It’s like, he gets a solo, and I should be all happy for him, but then, a shot up the nose.
Melynee: Oh, but I love that falsetto. And then, when Chris takes it over. Oh.
Michelle: Why does Chris wear arm bands on his upper lower arm? Is it to stop the sweat from rolling down his arm onto his microphone, thereby preventing what could potentially be a nasty electrocution incident?
Amanda: No. You know, I still think Lance is hot.
Melynee: Yeah, but he’s without that air of “I don’t care.” See, Lance still cared at Madison Square Garden. Look at Justin’s hair, it looks like a Brillo pad sticking out the back of the bandana.
Amanda, laughing loudly: What is JC doing with that fist/arm pump thing?
Melynee: And then Justin looks pained when he starts the final “knew.”
Amanda: Yeah. Yeah. Lance wants JC to touch him on stage.
Backstage
Amanda: Oh! I’ve never watched this!
Michelle: I think the interlude is funny, but that’s only cuz they mock Lance’s hair and they pay homage to MST3K. Everyone should do that, cuz I love MST3K. But really, when you dissect this whole thing, it’s kind of creepy. They are odd, odd boys. And I bet I could kick their asses at foosball. Fuck, it’s the chicks. Where’s the remote? Fuck, where’s the REMOTE!!!!
Melynee: This is the weird interlude. With the MST3K. And why do they send Lance out to get the girls?
Amanda: It’s because he’s gay. And won’t take any of them home.
Melynee: Why is the monkey picking fleas out of Joey’s arm hair? And Chris’s smoking jacket is shorter. Like they are trying to de-emphasize that he is so much shorter than the rest…Oh. Wait. Joey’s is short, too. In fact, Justin’s is the only long one. Why does Joey look hotter in the smoking jacket than any other part of the concert? Okay! Chris totally checks out the robot, the one he says could be Lance.
We make fun of the dumb girls who are going to dance with *NSYNC.
Melynee: Lance! In his green shirt!
Amanda: I love Lance in his green shirt.
Melynee: Lance is in there and out. He’s like “There are too many girls. Where are the boys? I want dancing boys.”
Just Got Paid
Melynee: Lance’s costume is far and away the best. He’s got that hot green snakeskin. And JC has all those bad money signs.
Amanda: And Chris has the puffy money vest. But Justin’s got the hair! Justin’s got the hair! This is when you realize that Justin has really hot arms.
Melynee: Yeah. And they’re really long. Sort of like monkey arms.
Amanda: I love when he rounds up the posse. Love it.
Melynee: And I like the grooving. Look how far back JC goes!
Much laughter at the booty shaking, particularly the close-ups of Justin’s non-ass. Laughing from Melynee’s housemates, as well.
Michelle: LOVE the close-ups of Justin slapping his ass. Fucking classic. It’s probably in his contract. He just does it with such… fervor.
Melynee: I love Chris in this part (the Klub). Because it’s so clearly his personality, his little Matrixy thing.
Amanda: Joey’s trying to get it on with that girl, and she just wants to grab JC. So he moves on to the other trampy one. He’s really good with his hips, here. And Lance is just sort of dancing out of reach.
Melynee: Oh! Just. Let. Go. (Trampy girl grabs JC) And now Joey is dancing with Lance. And Lance gives the money to the girl in the blue, but not because she’s the best, but because she’s in the middle.
Amanda: But, you know, when Lance is just left alone to dance in this song, he’s hot.
Melynee: I know! But you only get to see that in the IMAX. Oh! That is the worst dance move ever. (JC is hopping to the left and right, doing a lookout thing) And I also didn’t need to see JC’s armpit hair.
Amanda: Oh! Oh! The Justin punches.
Melynee: It’s the violence! I really. I like him with the violence. It’s really good. I don’t know, a good dichotomy. The little hand thing Lance does when introducing the drummer always annoys me.
Clown Interlude
Melynee: Oh god. Oh god. I mean, we haven’t even seen it yet, but it’s already freaking me out. Oh. And the music. It’s going to kill me, really. I swear.
Amanda: I’ve never watched this either. Isn’t it supposed to be Joey’s fault?
Melynee: I dunno. Oh. Someone has a laser pointer. Okay. The clown’s scary enough now. So. Why don’t they make him even scarier? What were they thinking? “Oh. Now we’ll make him really frightening, and we’ll have him say something vaguely threatening. Yeah. That will get the girls.” And it doesn’t attach to anything… but here come the erection pants!
Michelle: The clown: a more misdirected idea than Lance’s infamous pink star sleeveless travesty of a fashion error. I blame JC.
I’m going to fucking have nightmares.
Space Cowboy
Amanda: Okay, Lance can do the hips here. I swear he can. What does JC do there? (JC is holding one arm out straight, and doing a retarded jazz hand with the other.)
Melynee: I don’t think his movements go with the music. Justin. The fucking mambo hips. I really like the choreography in this song. That’s my favorite move. (The hop, hop back, hand-framed pelvic thrust)
Amanda: Oh, no. That move sucks.
Melynee: It’s so dorky. I love it. What is on Joey’s arm? It’s almost covered up by his shirt.
Amanda: It’s an armband.
Melynee: But, it’s like. It’s like he was making it with wardrobe girl, and he took it out of her hair, and couldn’t think of another place to put it. So he wrapped it around his arm.
Amanda: Lance loves all the cowboy shit.
Melynee: I love the shimmy. But not that one. What’s with the swimming thing? Oh. But you can do that anytime boys (the obscene thrusting). I also like this, the little airplane move. I don’t know what it is. JC is so commanding when he sings “Want to fly baby? Take a ride, baby.”
Amanda: I worry that Justin is going to hurt his knees riding the imaginary horse.
Melynee: They’ve got major arthritis problems down the road due to that move. (Squeal at the close up on JC hopping and thrusting!)
Michelle: The move where they stick out their butts, then thrust? That’s awesome. Who the hell thought of that? And were they fired? Hope so. JC seems to like it though. Or course he does, he’s in his erection pants. They were made for that move, baybee.
It Makes Me Ill
Melynee: Oh. “It Makes Me Ill.” Which is, like, my favorite song ever. But has the worst costumes. Oh. Poor Joey. With the hairnet. I feel so sorry for him. I love that they make Chris the doctor. The choreography in this one is awesome.
Amanda: Um. I sort of think the choreography is. Not. Do you notice that JC pulls back his jacket, so you can see his pelvis?
Melynee: It allows you to see the line of the movements that he’s making. It’s good.
Amanda: Lance is just bad in this. He’s all off. Here’s the Lance I know and love. The big, awkward one.
Michelle: They are all really off here. Is that to prove that it’s really them singing? When they all get in that circle? Too fucking cute. JC is a dork among dorks. He’s the king of all dorks. Farmer Ted better watch out, he’s got someone gunning for his throne.
Melynee: And Joey! He looks possessed! I love the saluting! I know it’s wrong. I know it makes no sense. But I love it! Oh! JC is so happy.
Amanda: I worry about Joey’s ankles, too.
Melynee: I know, I know. That’s not the choreography that I like. And then, in the end, I worry about JC’s knees. This is one of the songs that I really want to learn all the choreography for. And the electroshock thing (heehee) it’s so ridiculous. It’s clear the choreographer said, “Okay, boys, you’ve been shocked, do what you think that would entail. Go!”
Michelle: Ever noticed that crazy look Joey GreenApple gives when standing behind Lance? He’s just pissed that Lance loves JC.
This I Promise You
Melynee: Here’s Justin’s little “I don’t like to get close to the audience” acting.
Amanda: I hate when JC says “chillin'” and he says it twice. Lance always thanks the people at home, in every special I’ve ever seen.
Melynee: They probably divide it up, “you thank the people here, and Lance, you’ve got the guys at home.”
Amanda: What does that mean, he’s feeling the crowd?
Melynee: Hey. He can feel me anytime he wants. Uh-oh. Justin’s unhappy.
Amanda: “Whatever you say.” Ahahaha. Lance says, “whatever you say, honey.”
Melynee: I know! How many times do you think that comes out of his mouth? Justin’s unhappy again. JC also has Dumbo ears. Which you can really see here. Yay! I love it when he rubs his hands together.
Amanda: I will catch Joey. I will. It’s okay for him to jump.
Melynee: JC, touch Lance on the chest again. Please?
Amanda: I love the teal snakeskin. I want it for myself. Look how in love they are! (JC and Lance are bantering about getting closer to the crowd.)
Melynee: “We’re going to go hang out with the audience for a while, and then tonight, you can come to my room.” That’s totally what that look says. Joey is just hot.
Amanda: Chris is just. Not.
Melynee: Chris so is going to be a punk boy, someday. Justin is either really good at pretending, or he really loves the performing, all the screaming. I mean, his interaction with the audience is the strongest.
Amanda: And he’s got hot arms. I feel the need to say that again.
Melynee: Haha. Yes. But, he doesn’t have JC’s shoulders.
Amanda: Don’t dis the biceps. I love, when they show the JC cam, Lance’s thigh is in the shot. Here he comes. Ah. Ha. He’s acting out. JC just can’t stop that shit.
Melynee: Oh, JC, you are such an emoter. And he has to do the arms. JC, apparently, sings through his arms. His lips have something to do with it, but it’s mostly the arms.
Amanda: See? See? I told you the biceps were there.
Melynee: That’s a nice shot of JC’s ass.
Amanda: JC has the tightest ass, ever.
Melynee: Yeah, it’s kind of true. I wonder how many of the boys have commented on that?
Amanda: Lance has picked up JC’s chest pet. He’s the only one who has. Justin always wants people to wave their arms.
Melynee: Justin either shaves his armpits, or has really light hair.
Amanda: I think he just has really light hair. I hope. Did you see the punching? Did you?
Melynee: No. I didn’t. But. Oh! There’s the bulge! And there it goes. Oh. Ack. The thing. On Joey’s arm.
Amanda: Justin gets hoarse at the end of this song. Poor baby.
Melynee: Okay, I need to look at his armpits. Okay. Right. There’s hair there. He looks so satisfied at the end of this song.
Amanda: We’ve only got two songs left!
Melynee: I know! And one of them is the scary monk costume robe one! I love that one of their encore songs is “Digital Get Down.” It cracks me up.
Amanda: Is that because JC wrote it, or because it sucks?
Melynee: Because. Well. It’s just. It seems to me that the encore songs should be the big ones. And granted they don’t want to do BBB and IGBM both as encores. I mean, who made this choice? Like, they were sitting around, thinking “We need to get the crowd all pumped up and clapping.” and JC was all “Digital Get Down, that would totally get people going.” Were they thinking that? I mean, I personally love this song. But I know other people don’t. Maybe, they thought, people would only remember BBB anyway. So it would be a waste to put a more important song before it.
Digital Get Down
Melynee: I like the part when we watch them walk out in digital silhouette, because it looks like they’re naked. It’s like, they clearly aren’t wearing any clothes.
Michelle: You have not lived until you have seen “Digital Get Down” on an IMAX screen. This is sad. I’ll never be the same. It’s so much cooler when they step through the screen. The running man thing kicks much more ass, too.
Amanda: I love when Justin starts bouncing. No, Lance! He cannot do the thrusting. (During the first “I can see everything you do.”)
Melynee: The costumes look like a seventh grade science project. “I’m going to make a robot! It’ll be wearing baby blue!”
Both groaning at Justin’s pelvis.
Melynee: Who was the one who picked out the baby blue? Did the costume designer just say, “Justin likes baby blue. We’ll make them that color?”
The JC lick and thrust. No comment. Silence.
Michelle: They so know this song is wrong. There really is no question in their minds. And yet they sing it anyway. What kind of incriminating photos does JC have, anyway, to give him the power to force them all to sing a song about cybering with streaming video to a room full of 10 year olds?
Amanda: When they know the choreography doesn’t go with the music, they all do it half-heartedly.
Melynee: I mean, I guess the choreography in this is fine. But it doesn’t inspire.
Amanda: I don’t want to learn it. Except for the moving walkway parts. I love the running man part.
Michelle: IMAX has forfuckingever ruined me. They’re just not as commanding or as… fucking sexy on the small screen. The moving parts kicked ass on the big screen. *sigh* and now all I have are my memories of six foot tall Justin, encouraging a room full of pre-pubescents to “do more than just talk.” *sigh*
Melynee: Okay. Stop with the girls!
Michelle: Girls, they’re called bras. B-R-A-S. Look into it.
Joey does the slow body roll. There is major moaning.
Melynee: And then Justin. That little mouth move he does there. And then, we’ll all get sucked into the vertical blinds! Because that’s very much like a digital. Something. Only JC is the only one who does it, “I’m getting sucked in! I can’t control it!”
Bye Bye Bye
Melynee: Oh. The background.
Amanda: Is that the desert? Are they monks in the desert?
Melynee: Maybe it’s some sort of Star Wars reference.
Amanda: And why do they skip?
Melynee: Because they need to get there faster. “Faster! We’re not getting there quickly enough!” And it’s not like they’re wearing anything different. They throw off those robes like it’s supposed to be something spectacular. But it’s the same thing they had on for the last song.
Amanda: And then they all adjust their shirts.
Melynee: Lance looks good there. That little flick.
Amanda: Oh. Joey. Joey. Yeah.
Michelle: Joey’s just not as “toss you on the counter and bruise your thighs”-y on the small screen. No, no he’s not.
Melynee: This is the song where JC just goes all out.
Amanda: JC’s pants are too big. He keeps tugging on them.
Melynee: People keep saying that, but I’ve never noticed it before.
Amanda: Justin is so good at that foot crossing part. No, Lance, no! (He does the shameful crotch grab.)
Melynee: I need to learn the rest of the movements to this.
Amanda: Oh. Chris is all creepy there. When he does the twisty arms.
Sounds of Melynee counting out the punch, punch, punch, bounce, bounce, bounce.
Amanda: The punching! The punching! (Justin, of course, like he’s the only one who does it well.)
Melynee: I know. Oh. Hips moving. Lance. Look at your little butt. Whoosh! (Justin does the punch, punch, punch whoosh)
Amanda: They do more of a round-up the doggies than a punch there, really. And look at Joe go! Talk to the hand. (They pose, it’s over.)
Melynee: JC is just so moved by performing. It’s amazing.
Amanda: See, there’s Justin trying to get people to do their arms again.
Melynee: Justin started in a white bandana and moved to a red bandana and now he’s in a baby blue one. I think there’s a patriotic theme there.
Amanda: I’m such a geek, cause I’m excited that Lance and JC are standing by each other at the end.
Melynee: They got the dry ice, and the flames in the logo. With the cold steam. It’s a nice ending.
The mister points out that they play the teensiest bit of a Rush song, “Tom Sawyer,” in the last little music bit.
The Final Word: Melynee:
Yeah. So, my descent had already begun by the time this aired on HBO for the first time. As witnessed by the fact that I have a copy of the original HBO airing on videotape, in addition to the DVD copy used for this review. Ahem. It’s a good thing, though, because there are moments from the tape that bear mention, which apparently some exec decided weren’t interesting enough to keep for mass-marketing. Ha. For instance: Duff is interviewing The Boys, as a pre-concert warm-up. They go to cut away to a commercial, and Chris reads the standard “don’t go away yadda yadda yadda” line off a teleprompter. Over his shoulder you watch Justin, sitting quietly and grinning down while Chris does his shtick. And then, just before it cuts to the commercial, Justin leans in and gives the camera the biggest, dorkiest, cheesiest smile you can imagine. He looks like an idiot. This, for me, epitomises the appeal of Madison Square Garden: how can you not fall in love with boys who go out of their way to make themselves look like total doofs. While they, um, shake their hips. Right?
The Final Word: Amanda
Well, seeing this the first four or five times is what got me hooked on the boys. And, also, what led me to nickname Lance “Big Gay Lance,” because of his total awkwardness and fear of grabbing his own dick on what was once live television. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for the geeky, clumsy ones. Hence. Yeah. Lance. MSG is the perfect tool for converting all your friends into *NSYNC lovers/haters. All of them look hot at some point, but, more importantly, they all look like complete morons for most of it. It’s the crappiness that keeps dragging you back in. The bad lyrics, JC’s acting out of the bad lyrics, Chris’s unfortunate smallness next to Justin’s tall lankiness, Joey looking really intense even while singing things that sound really stupid, and Lance being the BGL I adore.
2001-04-17